


TANTRUM

by erosandhades



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andrew is a teacher, Angst, BDSM, Blood and Gore, Bondage, Bratting, But not a slowburn at all, Casual Sex, Dom Andrew Minyard, Drug Dealing, Explicit Sexual Content, Flirting, Fluff, It's different from canon though, Kid Fic, M/M, Mob AU, Nathaniel AU, Nathaniel is Tattoed and Hot, Nathaniel took over his father's place as head of the "family business", Pet Names, Porn With Plot, Praise Kink, Shameless Smut, Slow Romance, Soft Andrew Minyard, Sub Nathaniel, all the good shit a mob organization deal with, explicit violence, money laudering, too many knives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:34:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 79,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26167234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erosandhades/pseuds/erosandhades
Summary: Andrew’s life as a university professor was utterly calm and boring. He had his daughter, his twin brother, his cousin, and his students. He had his demons too. Remnants of teenage times that were long gone. He wanted boring now, he wanted calm. Or that was what he told himself when the demi devil Nathaniel showed up and turned his life upside down with his brattiness, knives, pyromaniac tendencies, maniac tantrums, and sinful kisses.Nathaniel’s life as a crime boss was like being the king of hell. He had his knives, his employees, his family, and his empire to take care of. He had his enemies too. Remnants of a father that were long gone. He wanted to bring them down with whatever it took, there was nothing he wanted more than that. Or that was what he told himself when the man of golden eyes showed him that there was more than hell and his twisted up self with his hard discipline, whispers, dominant presence, secret smiles, and burning touches.
Relationships: Katelyn/Aaron Minyard, Kevin Day/Jean Moreau, Kevin Day/Jeremy Knox/Jean Moreau, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 137
Kudos: 284





	1. bad habits

**Author's Note:**

> Before you start reading, I have a few things to say to you all. Please, read this before you start.
> 
> Ok. So this fanfic has been in motion for a long time. First, I wanted it to be a long one-shot but then my ideas came to life and this became much more than it initially was. Now, I don't even know how many chapters this is going to have. But, foremost I just wanted to tell you that I fully intend to complete this monster, so come with me through this ride. This is going to be fun (I hope).  
> Now, a warning. This is *not* a light fic. There will be fluff, but foremost there will be a little bit of angst, and a good amount of heavy stuff, but I'll always try to treat everything in the most responsible way possible and will always add trigger warnings on the notes or on the chapter summary. If I make any mistakes though, please, pardon me. I have never written anything so... Yeah, and as this is the first time I'm bound to make some mistakes. But if you guys warn me, I'll make sure everything is corrected so there isn't anything more problematic than plot stuff that it's... Well, it is what it is.  
> Also, just to be clear and to demonstrate my gratitude, this fic was the cause of me screaming with my beta late at night as we tried to solve this huge monster, and it's only because of them that I'm here posting this today, so [Moon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonqueerdom), you're the most perfect human being in the world. Thank you. (Go check out their fics, they're amazing.)
> 
> Oh, I made a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2cmPkM5hfmS0WfMwzZ2FGa?si=KxupRTcyTK6EAoHnH7L3tg) as I wrote this, that includes the song that inspired me to create this whole monster and that is the title of the fic (Tantrum by Ashnikko), and some others that inspired me on the chapters (it would be fun if you guys tried to guess which song of the playlist inspired whatever) and I might add more music there as this goes on. So, please, do enjoy it!
> 
> And with that, we conclude this first note, but not without the trigger warnings for this first chapter.
> 
> TW: Blood, gore, knives, murder, explicit threat, alcohol consumption, violence, organized crime, behavioral psychological dissociation according to situations or places, and mentions of torture. 
> 
> If any of these subjects bother you in any form, I'll add a description of the scene (the very first one is the heaviest of this chapter, as it includes all the tw but the alcohol) at the end notes.
> 
> Hope you guys like it!

Nathaniel saw the blood dripping on the floor with quiet satisfaction.

The knife was like an extended arm and the blood was warm on his hands. He watched quietly, relishing in the silence that only death could bring, as the body finished squirming on the ground beneath him and rested for the last time.

He looked for one more full minute at the body at his feet before he lifted his head and looked at the only other man alive in the room.

“Bring Lola to clean the shit-show she made me do.”

“Yes, sir,” the man said quietly as he bowed his head and left.

When he was alone, Nathaniel turned his back on the dead man and went to the sink in the corner of the room, in which he started cleaning his trailing point knife and his own hands calmly.

A few minutes passed filled with efficient and calm work. He wanted to make sure that not a stain remained in his hands or in his work material. Then, he proceeded to clean the other knives he used in the last hour while he waited.

“Junior,” a high-pitched voice said behind him, with as much arrogance as one could master in only one word.

A click told him she had closed the door behind herself.

“Sooner than later, Lola,” Nathaniel started saying as he carefully dried one of his knives in a fluffy towel reserved solely for that purpose, “I’m going to be disposing your fucking body instead of the ones you send my way.”

A nervous laugh filled the room. Nathaniel didn’t care enough to turn around and see the woman’s face near the entrance.

“You couldn’t, Junior. I’m the last one, remember? You need to keep me.”

He turned off the tap and put the knife he had been drying by the others on one of the sides of the sink. Slowly, he grabbed one of them, one that had a pretty and clean graffiti shade, and twisted it in his fingers mindlessly as he contemplated what the woman said.

He threw it back without sparing a glance.

“What the fuck, Junior?!” Lola yelled.

Nathaniel smiled to himself as he dried his own hands in one of the spare towels, and put it on top of the piles of other ones he had used that day when he finished.

“The thing about you, Lola, is that now you’re just an old bitch with no fucking use for me. You just mess up my business,” he finally turned around and saw the woman pressed against the door, the knife an inch away from her cheekbone. His smile widened at her horrified eyes. “I needed you when I was still learning, right? We had this agreement. But do I look like I need your help now, Lola?”

She didn't answer. She just kept looking at him, her eyes slightly widened.

“I'm feeling nice, so I'll answer for you. I don’t, Lola. I haven't in a while and I think you're scared of it,” he slowly made his way towards her, sidestepping the body on the floor as if it was just furniture. “But that doesn't justify your behavior. Five years ago we made a deal and since then you made me regret it _too_ many times. And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of you.” 

He stopped a few paces away from her. She seemed to be trying to look fearless, but she couldn't fool him with the frown, pale complexion, petrified eyes, and pursed lips she had going on on her face. She couldn't fool him at all, she never did. It's been too many years living under the same roof now, and Nathaniel noticed her pitch-black hair didn't seem as shiny as it had been once, and there were marks on her skin that told him she hadn't been sleeping well, as if she had been kept awake by paranoia, or by stress. But maybe her skin was just _that_ terrible. Maybe age caught up to her.

 _Age hasn’t done you any good, Lolita,_ Nathaniel thought, and it made his smile widen. He wanted the bitch to suffer for all the shit she had been pulling, for everything she had ever done, and he probably looked manic at this stage but he truly didn't give a fuck.

After all, he was a maniac. A monster. And she was one of the people to blame for this.

Well, now it was time for her to face the consequences of her own creation.

He took one step closer and watched with childish joy when she flinched.

“How many times did I tell you I would tolerate mistakes, Lola?” He whispered around his smile.

“You never said it,” she whispered back but her voice was tight.

“Oh right,” he laughed and threw his head back with the force of it. _How could he have forgotten to tell her?_ And even as funny as it was, he made sure his expression sobered up quickly, even if he kept the smile on his face. “Sorry about that. But, well, it was three times. And I was still lenient. Respect for the elderly and all that,” he continued with a mock-whisper as he took the last step to say everything right at her face. He was having _fun_. “You could be going senile, you know? I gave you chances. I repeatedly warned you that your insolence would have consequences, my dearest Lola.”

“Nathaniel, I—”

“Did I ask you a question?” The smile disappeared from his face and his voice hardened, losing the funny edge to it.

She swallowed dry air and blinked slowly.

“No.”

“Did I give you permission to speak?”

She, smartly enough now, just shook her head the most she could without hurting herself with the knife on the door so close to her face.

He smiled again with the answers. She learned fast when she wanted.

Fortunately, it was too late for her now.

“That’s right, Lolita. Now, let me finish. You see, you can be such a fast learner. But you became so lazy with age, Lola!” He widened his eyes as if he was so surprised by that, but, really, he had always known that would happen. He had even _hoped_ it would happen. _Oh, this was such a fun game to play._ “You kept making these silly, yet so hurtful mistakes. You keep messing with identities, trying to steal money, giving people the wrong information. So sad, really.” He lowered his voice even more, and now he was so near her that their noses touched. He could feel her breathing on his face. And when his breathing was even and slow, hers was harsh and fast, with her wide dull eyes unblinking at his words and proximity. “And you promised me, Lola, five years ago, that you would give me your knife arm if I killed my dad and assumed his position, didn’t you?”

She nodded slowly.

“And now,” he continued whispering after he made a disapproving noise. “Now you bring one of those Moriyama dogs to my office to try to mess with my things? Right when I wasn’t supposed to be there? I know what you were trying, dear Lola, and unfortunately for you, I’m smarter than you could ever be, so I saw this coming. Oh, and don’t even dare to say it wasn’t you.” His smirk was widening once again on his face and his cheekbones hurt from how much he was smiling, but he was feeling _so good_ right now he couldn't help it. “The guy spilled everything for me with the iron incentive, if you know what I mean. You surely know, you taught me, right? But, you need to understand one thing, Lola.” He suddenly bit her bottom lip harshly enough to draw blood and she screamed but didn’t dare to move her hand against him. She knew better. “The student became the Master, honey.”

And then he slapped her in the face strongly enough that she was on the ground instantly, clutching at her harmed cheekbone.

He crouched in the ground in front of her, supporting his forearms on his knees. When she finally raised her head to look at him, she looked so horrified that her bloodied bottom lip was quivering.

Now, his expression was as serious as it can be. Eyes dead, _as she made them_. Lips with the edges turned down, _as she made them_. Face expressionless, _as she made it_.

“You’ll do this, Lola. You’ll clean this shithole entirely alone. Then, you’ll dispose of the body just like you did when you first started this all those years ago, right? You know the drill well. And then, you’ll come back and we will see what we will do about your situation. Got it?”

She nodded stiffly, her hand leaving her face to support her trembling body on the floor.

“Right. And if you try to leave in the meantime, I’ll hunt you down like the slut that you are, and everything will be so, so much worse for you. In honor of our unfaithful deal, I’ll give you _just_ a few hours of the finest pain I can provide before I end you! Look how great I am!” He was now smiling again as he imagined the things he would do to the woman with terrified eyes on the floor.

He got up and looked down at his ex-employee.

“You have until 20 p.m today, Lola. Better run before I bring you back crawling.”

And then in a swift motion, he grabbed the knife that rested in the wood of the door and buried it in the woman’s left thigh. Her dominant side.

Her screams were so welcome.

He laughed hard at those _sweet_ sounds.

“Well, you can’t run anymore, can you? Tik tok, Lolita. See ya tonight.”

And with that, he opened the door and left the room with a true smile on his face.

~~

Andrew didn’t know what the fuck he was doing in there. He had work to do and Thalia was waiting for him at Aaron’s. He should be home right now, correcting essays and preparing the shop list for Sunday’s family dinner. But _damn_ , he had missed that place.

The music was loud, and the people were even louder. Everything was dusty, and the light was low. Leather jackets, leather seats, leather boots. There was leather everywhere he looked. Some were marked with gang symbols or metal rings, and others were marked with cigarette burns and Licor stains. The pool tables were always filled with as many people as they could. There was barely any space for Andrew to sit, but he managed to knock a guy just drunk enough out of his bar seat by nudging his elbow at his sides. The guy just looked at him, shrugged, and went away to scream at his friends for more beer.

He missed this place so much. So much that when he passed by it on the drive home today, he couldn’t resist the red light sign of “Hellhound Hole”, as bright as it had been in his old days.

He raised his hand and in an instant, there was a bearded and muscled bartender using a leather crop top and black eye makeup asking him what he wanted. 

“Double whiskey.”

The guy gave him a confused once over, shrugged, and rushed to make his drink.

He couldn’t blame the guy for that reaction, really. There was no way that he wasn’t looking a little bit lost in there, with his pressed pants, green sweater, and glasses, but, well. He never gave a fuck about what people thought of him and he wouldn’t start now.

As he received his whiskey and sipped at it, embracing the burn on his throat, he gave the room one more look.

Near the back of the bar was a deck for people that wanted to play some music in the old guitar and drums in the corner, or dance. Today, people were dancing to the rock music that the speakers played. Because of that, it was more difficult to see if the back of the bar was occupied or not, and that was always something to note because if The Room had the red locker on, it meant that there was _business_ happening there. And as the curious little shit he always had been, Andrew wanted to know just for the sake of knowing. 

He shook his head. Those days were over. He didn't need, or want, to know a thing about what happened inside that door. He already knew, anyway. At least about what used to happen in there in his old days.

He shivered as the memories come back behind his eyelids and shook himself quickly to get rid of them. _Well, what could he have expected from coming back after years of keeping his distance? To not remember?_ He chuckled softly to himself. _Definitely not._

He downed the rest of his scotch in one go.

And then, just as Andrew raised his hand to ask for another one — _the last one, he promised himself_ — he heard a crack and a laugh and silence. 

Suddenly, everyone was looking at the door of the bar silently. Expectantly. As if they were all waiting for this moment.

Only rock music rang in Andrew’s ears as _sin himself_ walked in.

Auburn hair. Icy blue eyes. Freckles. And fuck tons of scars and tattoos in _all_ the skin that wasn’t covered by leather or vinyl. His face, his neck, his hands. All complex patterns, words, daggers, flowers, and other things Andrew couldn’t identify in the distance. 

_Beautiful._

The man was short and accompanied by other two tall ones that were walking slightly behind him and on each of his sides, showing that he was in charge of their little group, and didn’t seem to give a fuck about the little show their arrival was causing. As if that happens every time, or it that was expected to. Demanded.

He was smiling and talking animatedly with the ones that were with him and they seemed thoroughly engaged in their conversation, just as much as Sin Dude, but that didn’t mean Sin Dude looked as... nice as the other two.

The point hit the mark _so_ far away from that.

Even with his short stature, Sin Guy managed to wear the kind of smile that said he could rip your throat with his teeth and that he would _love it_. He was talking as if he _knew_ he would be heard. He was walking as if every path he took would open _just for him_. His head was held high and he was looking at everyone as if they didn’t _deserve_ his watchful gaze.

Andrew knew what this meant. This guy wasn’t only a criminal, like any other person in this bar. He was a _boss criminal,_ and probably the owner of the bar. The silence and reverence that followed him as he moved across the bar said so. All his demeanor said so, and said even more. It all said that he was fucking crazy too. He was the epitome of danger. He was totally unpredictable.

Andrew was in a daze. He had goosebumps all over and he couldn’t even have the decency to deny it.

This guy was the definition of _hot._

 _Fuck_. Why did Andrew always have to like psychotic crime bosses? _Why?_

He didn’t know how to feel about that after years of finding every guy that even looked his way more boring than the life he was living now. He thought he was over attraction, and now this _thing_ was taking all of him as a hard slap in the face. This guy was clearly a real danger, the type he hasn’t seen in years, and Andrew could not let himself be drawn to this type of shit anymore. He had a life now. A daughter to look after. The great looks, confident demeanor, tattoos, and danger aura could not change that. He couldn’t allow himself to be attracted to this type of person. Not after everything.

 _As if anything would happen, anyway_ , he remembers himself. Even if he was certainly attracted to this devilish man, nothing would come out of it even if he tried something. _Which he would not_.

Suddenly, he realized he was _so_ getting ahead of himself he felt like laughing. This guy wouldn’t spend a second of his time to notice him. He very clearly came with a purpose and had a reputation. He probably had a lover or something, those crime bosses always did. One, two, three. Maybe more.

Why the fuck was he despairing and overthinking over nothing? Andrew and his boring life were perfectly safe. His daughter was safe. He just thought the guy was good looking for fuck’s sake. This was so ridiculous he rolled his eyes at himself. This was clearly because he hadn’t fucked anyone in years, and now, just with the tiniest spark of attraction, he was reacting like this.

Pathetic, really.

Andrew was almost being the first in the whole bar to look away and see if the bartender would serve him another round when his breath was stolen from him.

One second Sin Guy was looking straight ahead and laughing at a remark that one of his followers made as he made his way to the back of the bar firmly, and in the other Sin Guy had found him in the middle of the crowd. He didn't know why, or what he had done to draw the attention of such a sinful creature. Maybe it was the way his clothes mismatched with the place. Maybe it was the reflection of his reading glasses in the light. It could be something else, and Andrew didn't _know,_ and _why is he looking at me like that_.

Devil Guy stopped his laugh short at one of the others’ remarks about “dissecting the cow”, and inclined his head as if he was contemplating Andrew’s existence. His blue, blue eyes were burning Andrew’s skin, and Andrew made sure to be with his most empty facial expression ever since he knew this type of guy, and he knew couldn’t give an inch of discomfort away. Or of his gayness for him. Or anything. Everything could be used against him right now as he had somehow drawn this guy's attention to himself.

Hot Stuff lifted a finger in the air and it seemed as if the whole bar held their breaths. His friends stopped talking and looked at their feet. Everybody looked slightly scared but no one moved or said a thing. The silence was oppressive like a heavy thing on Andrew's shoulder. Only rock music continued to pound in Andrew’s ears, or maybe it was just his heart that was beating widely in his ears and he was mistaking it with drums. He had no idea as his world narrowed on the man looking and looking and _looking at_ _him_ with that blank stare.

Until it wasn't a blank stare anymore.

Andrew couldn’t help but only watch as the man’s smile widened, and as he _fucking walked_ in Andrew’s direction while everyone was as silent as one could be.

Watching his every step.

Towards Andrew.

For fuck’s sake. What the _fuck_ was going on?

The man walked slowly. His smile was manic, and his eyes were a stunning crystal blue that never flinched away from Andrew. He approached him as a predator surrounded their prey, his gaze studying every inch of Andrew’s body as if researching for weakness. But Andrew knew better, and he gave the man nothing.

When the man realized that, his gaze turned curious, and his smile remained untouched on his face.

“Well, hello, newbie,” Hot Stuff said as he stood in front of Andrew. He was studying Andrew’s face with surgical precision while seeming completely at ease. This man was a professional. And even hotter as he was closer. _Damn it._ Andrew braced himself for an interrogatory. “What’s your name, newbie?”

“Andrew,” he answered lightly. Nonchalantly.

“Andrew. Oh, I like your name very much,” the man said with a dreamy tone as he looked at the man beside Andrew. He lifted an eyebrow and the man muttered a sorry and then his chair became vacant. Sin Guy climbed at the bar seat and just like that a whiskey appeared in front of him. “Thank you, Roland. Now. Andrew,” he turned his attention to Andrew again and smirked with mischief. Fuck, he was so pretty, his eyes were sparkling in the light and his cheekbones were _insane_. “What brings you to my bar, Andrew? How can we help you?”

Oh, this was a tricky question. He needed to deeply consider his answer.

Andrew made himself remain calm. This wasn’t something he had never done before. He knew how to do this.

Honesty was the only answer with this guy, and it wasn't like he had something to hide either. Not anymore, at least.

“I used to come here in the old days. Probably before your administration. I passed here on the way home and wanted to indulge myself in some nostalgia,” Andrew said, making sure his voice was steady and calm.

Devil guy’s eyes sparkled with interest in his answer.

“Really? Well, this is fun. Lucky for you though, the old owner is dead as anyone can be,” he had the manic in his face again and he whispered his next words, which reverberated in the dead silence of the bar. “I made sure of that.”

So he was trying to scare Andrew. Or maybe he just wanted to see what his reaction would be.

Andrew just lifted the corner of his mouth in a slight smile and said “Good. I hated the guy.”

The man laughed heartily at Andrew’s answer. He even threw his head back, had his hands on his belly, and everything. It lighted up his whole face, and Andrew could see an inch of his facade drop. Now, he looked warmer and his eyes didn’t have this cold touch in their corners. He looked bloody gorgeous and Andrew was _so fucked._

“Roland, bring a whiskey for the man. He is my new favorite!” Sin Guy said as he recovered, but the smile on his face was big and warm and not manic at all. He had turned his body completely towards Andrew and his elbow was resting in the bar, one of his hands involving his cup of whiskey and the other on his own, tapping an imaginary beat on the wood. How could a person be so different in a matter of seconds?

“Everyone! You can mingle now,” the man suddenly screamed, and then, just like magic, the bar was alive again. People were walking and dancing and drinking as if they never stopped. 

Everything was normal again.

“You can call me Neil. I’m pleased to welcome you back to Hellhound Hole, dear,” Neil said with a smile somewhat shy and winked. 

He fucking winked.

At Andrew.

What. The. Fuck.

_Compose yourself, Minyard. A pretty face should not have this effect on you. Stop blushing like a teenager._

He cleared his throat and answered. “Thank you. It’s good to be back,” Andrew gave a once over at the place before he settled his gaze in a smiling Neil again. He grabbed his new cup of whiskey and had a large gulp before saying “You kept the bar exactly the same though.”

“Well, yeah,” Neil laughed lightly and sipped his whiskey. “It's a good decor. And it remembered me a few good times too, so I saw no need in changing a thing about it,” he shrugged.

Before Andrew could say a thing, like how he appreciated it, the two men that were with Neil approached them from the point their leader had left them behind.

The tallest one was pale, with grey eyes and black hair. The other one was only slightly shorter, tan, and had green eyes. They both formed a double of really handsome guys, but they didn’t have _whatever_ Neil had that made him _that._ They were boring in comparison to the redheaded crime boss. As everyone had been for Andrew for the last few years.

“Jean! Kevin! Finally! Here, let me introduce you to my dear friend Andrew," Neil said animatedly as he saw them. He grabbed them by the shoulders when they were within reach and the shorter rolled his eyes.

“Neil, you dramatic bitch. We saw. Everybody saw it.”

Well, it was the first time Andrew saw someone speaking so freely with a crime boss. Especially one that seemed to be so feared and respected. For a second, he thought that Neil would do something about it. But he just laughed freely and said “Yeah, you know I always had a thing for drama, Kev. But, anyway. This guy here,” he looked at Andrew and smiled as if he was sharing a secret, “Used to know the last owner of Hellhound. And, he _hated_ him.” He proceeded to laugh as if that was the funniest thing ever.

“Oh, now I understand why you decided to adopt him,” the one Andrew assumed was Jean said with a slight french accent and a small smile on his lips as he looked at Neil affectionately.

“I couldn’t help it. And look at him!” Neil took his hands off their shoulders and pointed at Andrew like he wasn’t right there. He looked at Jean as if expecting him to understand.

Their dynamic was so, so strange to Andrew. He was definitely missing something.

He gave a new sip in his whiskey as he observed them silently.

“Yeah. We noticed. Your thing for blonds is getting more difficult to deny every day, Neil,” Kevin said nonchalantly.

Andrew choked on his drink.

“Now you broke him. Congratulations, Kevin. I was trying to woo him, you know?” Neil said, smirking fondly at the green-eyed man. “Off with you both. I’ll try to save what you destroyed.”

“Why Neil, I don’t think you have to save nothing at all,” Jean winked at Neil after he glanced at Andrew.

But before Andrew could say anything or ask what he meant, they were both gone in the crowd of people.

Apparently, he wasn’t hiding his attraction to Neil well then. _And it was reciprocated?_

Fuck.

He took a deep breath.

“So you have a thing for blonds?” Andrew saw himself asking more evenly than he thought he could manage.

Why the hell did he ask that? He was certain he was digging his own grave, especially after he saw the flirtatious smile on Neil’s face.

Neil inclined his head and looked at Andrew from under his lashes. “Why? Could you possibly have a thing for redheads too?”

Andrew should shut up. He really should.

So why didn’t he?

“More like I have a thing for tattoos and blue eyes,” he answered and winked at Neil before he finished his drink.

As Neil smiled back at him with surprise, he saw the answer to his own question. He did it because improbable as it was, this _gorgeous_ piece of a man was flirting with him and his inner gay troublemaker couldn’t let this opportunity pass, could he?

Well, but he should. He had reasons. Pretty good ones, actually.

And like a ringing bell, his phone started vibrating in his pocket to remind him of them.

“Well,” he started as he saw Aaron’s name on the screen. He smiled apologetically at Neil. “This is my call. I need to go.”

“Oh, no!” Neil pouted and _why the hell he was so adorable? He certainly had killed people, he didn't have the right to be that adorable._ “But we were just getting started!”

This man was doing unexplainable things to Andrew’s insides. He suddenly had the urge to go to Neil and envelop him in a tight hug and tell him everything would be fine, that he would take care of everything, that he had nothing to worry about. Which should be a sick joke because this man was a _crime boss_ for fuck’s sake. A psychotic and, unfortunately, _adorable_ one.

Deciding to be brave and following those strange instincts, he hopped off his seat and walked the little distance between them until he was between Neil’s knees. He made sure not to touch him anywhere though and only placed one of his thumbs in the beautiful pout Neil’s red mouth was forming before answering.

“I know, love,” he saw Neil’s pupils dilating with his move, and just like that, he decided that he had made the right choice. “But maybe we could reschedule it. What do you say, gorgeous?”

“I knew I made the right choice coming to you,” Neil smiled warmly against his thumb. “Next Saturday works for you?”

“10 p.m. I’ll be here,” Andrew said before stepping back.

“Okay. I’ll wait for you then. _Babe,_ ” Neil batted his long eyelashes and bit his lower lip.

Andrew smirked at him and, as he dutifully ignored his insides melting because of this man, he grabbed his wallet and put a few notes in the bar under his empty glass. He winked at Neil one last time before promptly turning around and making his way out of the crowded bar.

He was walking down the street, making his way to his car, when he realized what he had done.

He had a date. With Neil. A fucking crime boss.

Well. Now he was _fucked_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, first the description of that first scene:  
> Nathaniel is in the basement with a body he just killed. He asks for one of his employees to call Lola, who gets there, and then Nathaniel starts to threaten her because he concludes that the person he just killed (an employee of the Moriyama family) was put in his way because of Lola, who was planning something against Nathaniel. He then says to her that she wasn't useful for him anymore and that she had broken the deal they had made five years ago when he had killed his father and taken his place. He strikes her on the face and commands her to clean the place before coming back to receive her punishment. And he smiles and laughs through all of it.
> 
> That's it.
> 
> So, thank you so much for reading this, and in case any of you want, you can find me on twitter by @sunabram. Kudos and comments are appreciated, and I really want to know your thoughts on this.
> 
> See you guys next Friday for chapter 2!


	2. cardiac arrest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathaniel's life takes a turn, more than he intended to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello, hello!
> 
> So, I really liked writing this chapter....
> 
> TW's: aggression, homophobia, homophobic slang, knife play, threat of life, threat of torture, depression, mentions of trafficking, alcohol consumption, violence, organized crime, and behavioral psychological dissociation according to situations or places.
> 
> Now, enjoy it!

Those flights of stairs would kill him if his mother didn’t do it. Nathaniel was fucking certain of it. But then again, the woman should’ve known better and made her room on the first floor, just _like anybody else_ , or on the second with him, if she wanted him to get there fast. 

She definitely couldn’t blame him. Not when her room was on the fucking fourth floor of the Manor.

“Neil, stop grumbling and get your ass up here already.” Kevin rolled his eyes, already on the landing of the stairs.

“You.” He was gasping for air as he fought with his legs to climb one more step. “Are. An. Evil. Human. Being.”

Kevin just rolled his eyes again and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“C’mere, you dramatic bitch. You’re fit as hell for seven different martial arts and running your ass off every time you can, but if I put a stair in front of you, it’s enough pain that you already proclaim your spot on the cemetery to be buried because _‘It’s death, Kev.’_.” He was trying to mimic his voice ridiculously and now Nathaniel was the one that rolled his eyes while he climbed another step. “I don’t understand you.”

“You. Shouldn’t understand. Me.” Nathaniel gasped even more as he finally managed to get on the fourth landing of the fucking stairs. “I’m. Your boss.”

“Yeah. Try to tell that to another Kevin that doesn’t live with you for the past four years and knows you since you’re five. Honestly, Neil.” Kevin made sure to roll his eyes at him once again before turning his back and leading the way to Mary’s quarters.

“That’s utterly disrespectful,” Nathaniel proceeded to make his point, once he gained his breath again while following his friend down the corridors. He adjusted his tailored suit jacket and button-down distractedly and frowning. “I pay you, you know? I should cut half of your salary for that.”

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that,” Kevin laughed just as they were approaching the door to Mary’s office.

“You fuck—”

“Neil.”

“Oh, hello, mother,” He interrupted himself right away as he saw his mother’s frown when she opened the door. He smiled lightly as he saw her disheveled hair. _This is going to be bad, I know it,_ he thought _._ “Can we come in?”

Mary only nodded before stepping to the side to make way for them to come into her office.

Everything was tidy and in its place, as it was typical. _Never_ a mess. Even a single paper out of place was banished here. Everything has its place in this office and Mary herself cleaned the space with fear and paranoia that other people would mess with her space or discover details about their _business_ , even if the cleaning staff of the Manor was so deep in criminal shit that they wouldn’t dare. As it was with everyone that stepped inside the Manor. But Nathaniel knew better than to mess with his mother so he just accepted and let her have this peace of mind. She deserved it as much as him, and it wasn’t as if that was something he was against off. The precaution was always welcome, especially with his mother’s documents.

“Is there any reason why you called us outside of our regular meetings, mother?” Nathaniel asked as he made himself comfortable in one of the two chairs in front of the mahogany desk his mother used to work. Kevin did the same in the other one beside him.

She seated quietly and started sorting a few papers on her desk for a few moments before looking at him with concern in her eyes. Not a motherly one though — motherly looks from Mary were so rare that Nathaniel didn’t even know when it was the last time it happened — but a business-like look that made him be concerned immediately that something was wrong. When she passed her hand in her uncommonly disheveled hair and sighed, he knew he was right and that something had happened. She turned to look at Kevin and asked where Jean was.

“He is on a trip for code 9910,” Kevin said with a preoccupied frown on his face. “You know that. You reviewed his papers yesterday. He's supposed to come back tonight.”

“Right.” She sighed again. “I forgot. Well, this can’t wait for him. Kevin, make sure to pass everything in minor details for him when he arrives. Understand?”

Kevin nodded seriously.

“What the fuck is happening?” Nathaniel asked, seriously concerned now. If Jean, his left hand, his shadow, needed to be here… This was getting fucked up.

“Nathaniel,” she turned to him and _crap_ , if she was using his birth name shit was _so serious_. She frowned and continued. “I fear that the Lola-matter isn’t as quite finished as we wanted it to be.”

“What do you mean?” Kevin asked, frowning.

As Mary started to explain the problem in their hands, Nathaniel felt his body slowly turning cold and his mind starting to mechanically distance itself from his feelings. He needed his Butcher headspace right now, anyway. And he was seeing _red_ by the time his mother finished.

“What do you want to do about it, Nathaniel?” Mary asked seriously. Her confidence in him to guide them in these situations would be touching if he didn’t have earned every drop of trust in the last few years. If he didn’t have hurt for it.

“Well well well, I think that that’s the sign we’ve been waiting for. It’s time,” Nathaniel smiled coldly at his business and legal administrator and at his second in command. “It seems like heads are about to roll.”

~~

Nathaniel was still fuming with rage, stress, and cold quietness as he arrived at the Hellhound Hole. 

People immediately and silently opened space for him to walk undisturbed to the back room, where he normally spent his time when he was there. The music stopped, talking stopped, everything stopped as he made his way. They knew better when his face supported such blankness. When his eyes didn’t express a thing. It made them miss his manic smile _so much_.

Nathaniel chuckled in his own head and as he looked at the fear and respect in the people’s faces as he walked. He felt deeply satisfied with that. Here were the results of his hard work during all these years, after the way a good part of his people-to-be hadn't believed him or took him seriously when he first took charge of the business, and they were _so right_ to be out of his way right now. His smile was danger, but his blankness was _death_.

 _Good thing they all learned quickly enough_ , Nathaniel thought as he stepped inside the room and Kevin closed the door behind them. 

Only then the music restarted and the chatter began outside.

It was ok. Nathaniel only demanded silence when he needed it, and in this room, that had become as familiar as his own bedroom in the Manor, he knew he could breathe in peace even without it. He didn’t need the silence here. He took a deep breath, feeling the familiar smells of the leather all over, and started to relax.

The worst part of being a crime boss was not the paperwork, as most people thought, but it was the fact that you didn't have a break. It was what you were when you ate, when you showered and when you slept. It wasn’t a job that you could forget when you weren’t at the office, or that you could take a vacation from. No. It was _who you were_. It became a part of your personality, your soul.

It was fucking exhausting, and that was why Nathaniel _craved_ the moments that he could just _let go_.

Sometimes, Nathaniel wondered what would’ve happened, who he would’ve become if he had fled the Manor as a teenager. _Would he be a better person right now? One that hesitated to kill, to torture? Or would he have become something altogether? Would he be less tired right now? Would he feel things normally or would he still have such a twisted heart?_

Indulging himself on those questions never went well but in times like that, he couldn’t help it. Not really. So he wondered, as he sat on the black leather sofa in the corner of the room and looked at the wall in front of him, completely emotionless.

“Neil,” Kevin said quietly, seated on the other leather sofa in the room, placed in front of him and colored bright red.

Nathaniel hummed in response, not moving.

“What do you need?” Kevin asked quietly.

“A cigarette,” he mumbled.

In a second, there was a lighted cigarette being stuffed in his mouth, and a pack and a lighter was put in his hands.

Kevin sat in front of him again and waited as he breathed in the toxic smoke. 

At this point in their friendship, Kevin knew better than to complain about _this_ mechanism to deal with all the shit they needed to do on a daily basis. There were worse ways to do it, and Kevin knew better by now than to say something about ‘unhealthy habits’. Killing people, laundering money with shady bars through all the East Coast, and running illegal traffic of drugs, weapons, art, and sometimes even people, for a living was unhealthy. Smoking was a joke near everything they did.

A few moments passed as Nathaniel smoked a cigarette after another. They were quiet inside the room. Kevin was texting, probably with Jean, and letting him be while waiting for him to calm down and everything was ok. It was exactly what he needed.

He was on his fourth stick of cancer and feeling almost himself again when Kevin looked up from his phone and muttered in a playful tone, “It’s almost 22 p.m, Neil. Don’t forget your date.” 

It was clear he was trying to bring him back from his own head. Kevin was indeed a good friend to him, and Nathaniel told himself to thank Kevin more often to have chosen to stay. Not now though. Now he was remembering the hot blond he was about to meet. 

As Nathaniel remembered hot-blond-and-surprisingly-dominant-Andrew he finally smiled somewhat normally. Hmm, he wanted to be on his knees for that man. He wanted it very much.

“I do, right?” He said as he smashed the cigarette in the ashtray and stretched like a cat.

He got up from his place on the couch and walked to the little bathroom attached to the room to look at himself in the mirror.

His hair was disheveled, but it always was, and he had dark circles under his eyes. Besides that, he realized that the last few days of planning and strategizing the demise of his enemies were horrible not only to his sleep but for his skin too, for it looked clammy and _so_ pale. The only highlight was the tattoos that covered his whole body, which never failed to make him feel more secure and in control of his own skin. But even as he looked at the thorns of roses in his neck and the phrases in Latin in his collarbone, he still seemed very much like a dead corpse. No wonder everybody was scared when he came in today.

He needed to do something about that before he met Andrew.

“Kev, do you have any makeup?” Nathaniel screamed.

“Yeah. One sec,” Kevin’s voice answered before the man himself came in with a purple bag in his hands and placed it in the sink in front of him.

“I don’t think my concealer is your shade, but do good use of the rest.” Kevin winked before he walked out of the room.

“Thanks,” He said loudly, hoping the man would hear him.

“No problem,” was the answer.

 _Well,_ Nathaniel thought as he analyzed his face and the contents of the purple bag, _let’s begin._

He grabbed translucent powder, blush, eyeliner, mascara, and a pink lip gloss to do the job. After a few minutes of work, he looked at himself and was quite satisfied with the look. 

He looked cute. Andrew would certainly like it.

Nathaniel took a few more minutes to clean himself thoroughly with a few wet wipes that always remained in the little bathroom along with a few other useful tools since he hoped the night would have a more _active_ turn. Hopefully active to the point of having Andrew’s dick buried inside him in no time. Maybe even more than once. 

When Nathaniel positioned himself in front of Kevin, who was seated on the couch and texting _again,_ and threw the bag in the man’s lap, he startled and looked at him with wide eyes and a smile.

“Damn, Neil. You’ll make the man pass out,” Kevin chuckled.

“Well, I want him to fuck me by midnight, so I need to make an impression, right?” Nathaniel said with a cheeky smile and a laugh.

Kevin laughed loudly.

“Welcome back, Neil,” Kevin said, looking much more serious but with an affectionate smile still on his face.

“Thank you.” He said to his friend with a small smile on his own lips.

“Now, go catch the man. I’ll wait here for Jean to arrive. Just don’t disappear without telling me where you went.”

Neil clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes.

“Kevin, I’m going to be fine. I’m a grown-up man. No need for that.”

“At least text me, Neil,” Kevin said with a frown. “I don’t want to take any risks with your security, especially with Jean out of town.”

“Right, right,” Neil rolled his eyes. He walked to the door and as he was almost walking out of the room he said, “Bye, mother-hen,” and closed the door before Kevin could protest.

He chuckled lightly and headed to the bar.

This time, the rock music and the chatter didn’t stop but people still opened the path for him to walk. It was quite nice. 

Now, as he made his way through the place in a much better headspace, he greeted a few known patrons and talked with Roland, chief-bartender, and manager, about the stocking and management of the place. He still had a few minutes to 10 p.m when he finished talking with everyone he considered important and seated at the now empty barstool — he only needed to approach the seat for the woman sitting in it to leave, nevermind that the one beside her was empty — with a glass of the best whiskey in the house on his hands.

As he sipped on his drink, he started thinking about what the fuck he was doing. It wasn’t like him having a date in the bar was something new, ‘cause it was not. He had already done that multiple times before, and no one made a big deal about it anymore. _Nathaniel liked to give his ass to men, so what? He still could rip everyone’s throats in a blink,_ and maybe he had needed to make a few examples for people to truly understand that, but when he did, the message got spread out really fast. So intolerance towards him or anyone in the bar wasn’t a thing, really. But, this time, it was different because he wanted this date to work out. He wanted it to go well. He didn’t think he wanted this to be a one time fuck like all those times before, and he didn’t even know why exactly he wanted that with a guy that, even if he was exactly Nathaniel's type with the broad shoulders and blond hair, was nothing out of the ordinary.

Why was Andrew different?

He didn't know. And it wasn’t like he had time to think about that during the week, either.

Andrew was an enigma to him. The man looked all good and proper with his reading glasses and sweater, but there was _something_ that drawn him in immediately. It wasn’t just the square jaw and the hazel eyes, no. He had this aura around him. An air of natural authority, a dominant presence that made Nathaniel nuts about him immediately. He looked and behaved like a true Dom, the type that he hasn’t seen in a while in the BDSM scene. It was hot _as hell,_ and Lord knew how Nathaniel was a bitch for a proper power play.

Everything indicated that Andrew could give him that. He talked to the guy for only five minutes though, so it wasn’t like he was certain about his first analysis. Like, the guy was no criminal, that much was obvious, but he didn’t run and screamed when Nathaniel said he killed the old owner of the bar — aka his own father, but Andrew didn’t need to know that — so that was a good and very interesting sign. No one that couldn’t handle a little bit of murder couldn’t deal with Nathaniel or have his ass for lunch for more than one time. Dealing with Nathaniel's superficial status was a need, but everyone in this bar did that, so it wasn’t like Nathaniel couldn’t have anyone he wanted in here and then some. The thing about Andrew was what made him different, what _drawn_ Nathaniel to the guy.

The outcomes of this night would depend on what Andrew really _could_ give him. He wanted to know what Andrew could actually do, and if that would justify the first, but very good, impression he gave Nathaniel.

It was time to see if Andrew had more than the aura. It was time to see if he knew how to be dominant and how to tame a devious little brat like Nathaniel knew how to be.

And it would be a big and bold lie to say Nathaniel wasn't hoping that was the case.

With that in mind, when he saw the short blond man walking into the bar wearing a jeans jacket, white t-shirt, skinny black jeans, and combat boots, he had already decided: he wouldn’t make things easy for Andrew, oh no. It wouldn’t be fun at all if he did. He needed to test Andrew, after all.

Nathaniel smiled deviously as the man with hypnotizing golden eyes, without glasses this time, approached him at the bar.

“Hello, hot stuff.”

Andrew nodded but remained with a blank face as he seated in the empty seat beside Nathaniel. Without his glasses he seemed a little bit younger, his gorgeous face now all exposed for Neil to see and devour.

“Hello, Neil,” he said calmly after telling Roland his order. Double whiskey. 

_Hm, a man of taste_.

“You look really nice, you know,” Nathaniel leaned in to whisper directly in Andrew’s ear.

He saw the chills that went through the man and smirked. He didn’t lean back. No, he stayed close like that, breathing him in. “Hm… You smell _so nice_ too,” Nathaniel purred as he almost brushed the tip of his nose through Andrew’s ear shell.

“Thank you. You’re not bad yourself,” Andrew said nonchalantly as he sipped his drink.

If he didn’t see the shivers that ran down Andrew’s body, he would have believed that Andrew was not affected by his proximity, but once he has seen it… Nathaniel smirked.

“So good to know. I did all of this for you, you know?” Nathaniel continued to whisper against the man’s ear. “My best leather pants, my best net shirt, and vinyl jacket. The makeup. All for you.”

When he saw Andrew breathing deeply and swallowing air, he knew he had accomplished his goal to make Andrew drop the facade he had been using. Nathaniel smirked even wider and leaned back to his own space to sip his drink slowly.

“Really?” Andrew said lightly, finally turning to look directly into Nathaniel’s eyes with _something_ burning deep into his golden irises.

“Oh yeah,” Nathaniel nodded and smiled. “I was such a good boy because of it, don’t you think? I think I need to be a bit bad right now to make things even, you know.” 

He threw the ball in the court and waited.

“Do it and we’ll see how well things go for you,” Andrew answered lightly with one of his eyebrows arched, slowly turning back to face the bar and sipping his whiskey. 

As if he didn’t throw the ball back at Nathaniel. As if he hasn’t said something _so_ … Fuck.

Oh, Nathaniel liked it _very much._

“Oh, and what would you do about it, Mister Andrew?” Nathaniel said mockingly and with a smirk. “I’m really curious, once, you know, I’m a crime boss and all that.”

It wasn’t like it was a secret to Andrew, so obviously, he would play that cart.

“And I’m a teacher, Mister Neil,” Andrew answered nonchalantly and shrugged before glancing at him with a little teasing smile on his red lips. “I’m used to discipline.”

Hell fucking _yeah_.

“So _you_ think you can discipline _me_?” Nathaniel asked with a flirty smile, his elbow in the wood of the bar and his hand supporting his head.

Andrew turned to him and wet his low lip with the tip of his tongue. Nathaniel’s gaze followed the movement and when he met Andrew’s eyes again, he supported such teasing and knowing look that Nathaniel felt his insides warming in expectation.

“I know I can do it.”

“We’ll see,” he answered with one of his eyebrows up in a dare.

A few minutes passed and they sat in comfortable silence. They finished their drinks and ordered others before Nathaniel couldn’t keep his curiosity at bay anymore, “So, are you really a teacher?”

After that, the conversation transitioned to lighter topics for a while. They talked a bit about their hobbies and what they liked to do in their free time — was it odd that Nathaniel found it cute that Andrew stress baked? He wasn’t used to finding things cute, but this was _hella_ cute. In return, he said he ran miles and miles when _he_ was stressed and did a little bit of combat training when he couldn’t leave his duties for a longer period of time. “I should’ve figured you find kicking someone's ass relaxing,” Andrew said, to which Nathaniel laughed out loud.

Besides having the aura _and_ the looks, Andrew had a sense of humor. Fuck. This guy was a true gem. 

Was it a coincidence that Nathaniel loved sparkling things?

He discovered as well that Andrew was a Biomedical Engineering teacher at the John Hopkins University, the same one in which he had attended college and completed all his specializations. Andrew proceeded to tell him a few gossips about the University and his colleagues that made Nathaniel laugh even more, and in the bits of that Andrew gave him little bits of information that were very impersonal, but that made Nathaniel feel like he now knew more about who Andrew was than he had hoped to know in the first date. Like how the coffee from the cafeteria was disgusting, but addictive enough he had it thrice a day. As Nathaniel laughed at that, he couldn't help but wonder. _I_ _t's really interesting to know such a man a little bit more_ , he thought, especially considering they had been living in the same city forever, have frequented the same bar, and never knew each other before. It was quite a thing. Nathaniel was intrigued.

Before his tragic death, Nathan had made sure to introduce every one of importance to him. So, okay, why would he have the need to meet a wanna-be-teacher? The answer was quite simple if you analyzed deeply enough. Andrew was so much more underneath, even though he tried to hide it. It was as obvious as a hurricane for Nathaniel, actually. Starting from the fact that he said he had known Nathaniel's father and frequented Hellhound Hole back in the day, and that was _not_ a little thing to be dismissed without looking into. No one that frequented Hellhound Hole was just a normal person, with normal aspirations, and normal life. Quite the opposite. So what the fuck had happened to Andrew? How he had become so… Normal? 

Besides, Nathan always made sure to introduce him to people of his age — _“You need to socialize with your people. Everyone that comes in here is your people. It’s important for you to get to know them right from the start. When the time comes, you’ll have them all in your hands”_ — even if they weren’t important, so why hadn’t he done that with Andrew? Because if he came here back then, he was one of his people, as he is once again now that he came back. 

There was something that wasn’t adding up.

Like, there was this girl, Natalie, which he knew quite well before she disappeared. She was only 20, like him, and wasn’t even one of Nathan’s people at the time. It wasn't like she was important to Nathan's business either, she was just from some gang in the city, but Neil knew her anyway because she used to come to Hellhound Hole. Then again, _why not Andrew_?

And most importantly, _why the fuck hasn't Nathaniel thought about it before meeting the guy?_ He was so stupid, fuck. He let himself be distracted by all that had been happening in his empire, which certainly was more important than that, but he could have had those answers by now if he had looked into it before. _Fuck._ How could he have forgotten all of that?

He promised himself to do a search on Andrew after tonight.

Not all hope was lost, though. It might not give him _all_ the answers he wants now, but anything was better than nothing at all. 

“You said you used to come here back in the day,” Nathaniel said lightly after a few seconds of silence, as he sipped his third dose of whiskey. “Why?”

“What do you mean?” Andrew answered with a frown but without emotion in his eyes.

“You know what I mean,” He said rolling his eyes playfully. “You sure know who I am, what I do, and what this place is. It hasn’t changed much from those times. So, tell me why.”

Andrew just looked at him blankly. He inclined his head and looked at him with an intensity that he hadn't seen many others dare as if searching Nathaniel’s motives in his eyes.

He turned his head down a bit as he said “It was a place I could have some fun and have a drink without being asked about my age or why I was in here,” Andrew shrugged and put his half-empty glass down at the bar. “No one minds anyone's business. It was the only freedom I had back then.”

 _Interesting,_ Nathaniel thought.

But before he could say something about it or ask more, a loud _thump_ and a few screams were heard under the loud noise of chatter, laughter, and rock music.

Turning around slowly, Nathaniel searched the space for the origin of the sound. Near the pool tables, just on the corner of that area, there was a big black-bearded man, who looked thirty years old or something, looking down at a younger one, that looked only seventeen and quite frightened. 

The bigger and older man, Seth, was a regular at the bar who was known for being quite a bully and for using younger people to do his shite job at dealing drugs on the other side of town. Nathaniel made sure to keep a close look to him even if he wasn’t a part of his business, and though he never managed to do something to earn a reprimand from the Butcher himself, it didn’t mean he wasn’t a pain in his ass with his lopsided ethical and egocentric personality. And the kid, well. Nathaniel didn't recognize him, but that wasn't a problem. Even if Nathaniel liked to know everyone who frequented his bar, that wasn't realistic because being a crime boss made him quite a busy person, so he missed a lot of people, especially the ones who were unproblematic enough that he didn't need to take notice of them. Also, it wasn’t like they cared for ages in here, just like Andrew himself said before, due to the philosophy that this place was safe for all types of people, and it wouldn’t be a law that would reprimand teenagers from becoming criminals. Not normally, anyway. Besides, drinking was the least problematic thing they could do considering all the possibilities, so letting them drink was better than having them doing something worse, or doing it somewhere that wasn't safe.

No one else but the little group over there was paying attention to what was happening. It wasn’t like there weren’t misunderstandings and fights in here all the time, as that was a consequence of having so many strong-minded, stubborn criminals in only one place. Rivalries weren’t a thing in here, but sometimes nerves got the best of drunk men, and those were dealt with quite quickly, so it was fine most of the time. And, besides that, it was like Andrew had said: no one in here minded other people's business.

Nathaniel inclined his head and paid attention to the scene unfolding at the other side of the bar. Seth was pressing the scared teenager against the wall with one arm across the younger's chest, and talking at his face.

“You fucking fag,” Seth growled furiously as he pointed his lit cigarette at the wide-eyed boy. “You don’t give me my fucking money, you run late, you give excuses _all the time_ to don’t do the _one thing_ you’re supposed to do, and then you come in here and expect me to be okay with the fact you’re kissing _a guy_ instead of _doing your job_? I mean,” He turned back and laughed with his trash friends and ‘business partners’ Jack and Sheena, who were drinking their beers while watching the scene. “If you were pulling a hot chick I might have clapped you on the back but all this cock-sucking might have left you too dumb if you thought I wouldn’t kick your ass for this,” he finished with another growl. 

“Seth, stop,” His girlfriend, Allison — an identity forger and stripper who Nathaniel was friendly with on a regular basis, and from whom he took some fashion advice once or twice — said with a frown on her face as she analyzed her nails. “You don’t wanna do this shit over here. You know the rules. Handle him outside at least, jeez.”

“Stay out of this, babe,” Seth distractedly said, pumping the guy again on the wall, making him whine desperately. Seth smiled wickedly. “Where is your boyfriend? Is he a trash can like you? Did he flee when he saw me? Was he scared of what I might do to him after he _fucked_ with my business?”

“You guys are so dramatic,” Allison rolled her eyes as she texted someone on her phone, but she was clearly talking to Seth and his friends. “So what if the guy was kissing his boyfriend? It’s fucking Saturday, and the best clubs to a sale are good only after 2 a.m, he has plenty of time to make out a little before doing his job.”

The teenager started nodding severely with her words and stammered weakly, “I-I p-planned o-on doing exactly t-that. Y-you’ll have your m-money by Wednesday, as we have already agreed.”

“I don’t care, you fag,” Seth shouted at his face. His face was starting to turn red with anger, or maybe he was just drunk. Nathaniel didn't care. “I want everything by Sunday morning.”

The teenager's eyes opened even wider and started swelling with tears. “B-But that’s only a few hours a-away. It’s i-impossible.”

“Do I look like I care?” Seth smiled once more, making the other gulp. “You should’ve thought about that before drowning your tongue in another guy’s mouth.”

Nathaniel slowly rose from his barstool, and when his feet touched the ground, everything around him fell silent. As he walked to that very corner, silence followed. Soon enough, there was only rock music playing, all the other sounds dying. Maybe it was the pure blankness once again on his face that urged it, or maybe it was the way he had one of his famous knives — that he always had in his body _no matter what_ — in hand. He didn’t know and he didn’t care. What he knew and cared about now was taking that scam of a man out of his bar.

No one could be disrespectful to other people's sexualities, age, color, religion, ethnicity, or gender in the Hellhound Hole. That was rule number one since the start of his leadership: no type of intolerance was tolerated. This bar is supposed to be a safe space for _all people_ , and that was the golden rule.

Now, this guy not only loudly disrespected that one, but he broke rule number two as well: no business could be discussed inside the bar. And this was due to the fact that multiple rival gangs frequented it and this place was a gray zone for them to mingle so that everyone could have fun, enjoy good whiskey and good music while not being afraid to be themselves. Thieves, drug dealers, whores, strippers, junkies, murderers, and more so, all of them were here, the only type of people that were _not_ tolerated at the bar being pedophiles and rapists. Those were executed immediately if they even approached the place from afar. 

Rivalries weren’t tolerated there. Everything like that needed to remain at the outside of the door.

Besides, this rule was quite helpful to remind people that even if the Butcher was lenient and let them enjoy their freedom to run their business, they _all_ belonged to him at the end of the day.

Nathaniel walked the last few feet to Seth, who had now frozen with the silence but didn’t move from his position pressing the boy against the wall, and started whistling joyfully as he made his way. 

“Now, now, Seth,” Nathaniel started while playing mindlessly with the knife in his hand. He watched with satisfaction as the man froze further and the teenager started weeping in earnest, looking damn scared of Nathaniel. _Well, he should be._ “Why do you always make things so difficult for me? I was on a date, trying to have some fun, leave off some steam in the right way, you know?” He clicked his tongue playfully. “And if it were any other day I wouldn’t do this myself, but you had to do it _today_ , right?” He stood right behind the man and said serious and cold, “Take your hands off him and face me when I’m fucking talking to you.”

Seth withdrew his hands from the teenager, who remained quiet and in his place at the wall — _smart_ , Nathaniel thought —, and turned around slowly looking enraged and scared. He tried to look down at Nathaniel, but even being much taller than him, he couldn’t manage it. He wasn’t the Butcher, after all, and so, no matter his height, Nathaniel was always going to stand higher than anyone.

“Much better,” Nathaniel smiled, but his eyes remained dead as a corpse. “As I was saying. Do you know what you’ve done?”

“S-Sir,” Seth started but Nathaniel didn’t let him finish.

“Yeah, you certainly do. You were here the last time my men did this, after all. And my people gave you _so many_ warnings, Seth,” he clicked his tongue again looking at him mockingly disappointed. He approached the man’s face smiling maniacally. “Tell me, dear Seth. How do you feel knowing that _a fag_ owns you?”

And with that, he grabbed Seth’s face and drove it right to the edge of the pool table, smacking it, making the man scream in pain and fall to the ground.

When Seth stirred and tried to sit, Nathaniel put one of his boots in the man's chest and resumed playing with his knife, stopping him right away.

“Understand something, Seth,” Nathaniel said nonchalantly. “You’ve got no power in here. Or ever, for that matter. _I_ let you run your business, _I_ let you grab these poor teenage souls and use them to do your dirty job, and there is one simple reason for that. You see, I had quite a faith that you would treat the youngies at least a little bit more fairly compared to other assholes out there. And now,” He finally inclined himself to look into Seth’s eyes under him, scared, red, and swollen from the impact. “Now you showed me that faith was totally misplaced.”

He started smashing his boot with more force in Seth’s chest.

“No one can do the shit you’ve pulled today, Seth. No one gets bullied or gets unfair treatment because of their sexuality. No one gets threatened in my bar or in any territory of mine. _No one_. And if I ever see you again in here after this, your head will be chopped off.”

He smiled down at the man’s wide eyes.

“And that goes even for me. You see, _I don’t threaten. I make promises_.” He spat at Seth’s face and threw the knife an inch from the man’s cheek, who yelped.

“Leave before I take your balls off and have them for dinner.”

He turned around, not waiting to see if Seth would comply with his order, and walked to Sheena, Jack, Allison, and to the poor-teenage-boy, who were all looking at the scene before them with fear in their eyes.

Nathaniel looked at the two formers and said coldly “This is your last warning. I don’t want to see the two of you pulling this shit in his place. The same treatment if that happens goes to both of you.” Both of them nodded, “Now go.”

He heard their footsteps as he turned to the boy, still wide-eyed with fear and glued at the wall, “What’s your name?”

“O-Oliver, sir,” he gulped.

Nathaniel gave Oliver a small but true smile, “you don’t have to worry about him anymore. If you still need the job, come on Thursday and ask for Roland at the bar. Do you understand?”

He seemed a little bit more relaxed and nodded.

“Great. Now go find your boyfriend,” Nathaniel said with a playful wink.

The boy dashed off without looking back.

Turning to Allison, who was grabbing her purse fiercely and looking stoic, he said with an arched eyebrow “How many times have I already told you to leave this shitbag of a man?”

“Twice,” She said steadily, but Nathaniel saw that she was still afraid of his little display of power.

Nathaniel hummed for a few moments, looking at her in the eye with a blank expression, “I don’t wanna see you again with him. He isn’t good enough for you.”

Her eyelashes fluttered with surprise but she nodded and gulped, “Yeah, you’re right, Neil,” looking like she found comfort in having the permission to call him by his nickname. He gave it to her on the day they met, as he had really liked her and still did. She deserved to be happy.

With that settled, he turned back at the empty — free of Seth — spot on the floor that had his knife, grabbed it, and tucked it in his clothes again. When he turned around and saw everybody looking at him silently, waiting, he flicked his wrist, and within a second everyone was back to their own lives, drinking and singing drunkenly to rock lyrics.

He walked to the bar and was almost surprised to find Andrew still there, watching him in silence with a blank expression.

“Did you enjoy the show?” Nathaniel asked as he sat again in his stool and grabbed his still half-finished drink, taking a large gulp and a deep breath.

“That guy got what he deserved,” Andrew said as he shrugged and sipped at his own drink. He turned to look at Neil with a sly smile on his face and amusement in his eyes, “It was kinda hot, too.”

Nathaniel laughed, throwing his head back. Andrew was full of surprises.

“Sure he did. And thanks. You’re hot too,” He winked.

“You seem exhausted, though.” Andrew noticed with a mildly concerned look. 

“I really am,” Nathaniel chuckled, looking down at his whiskey.

“You wanna get out of here?”

The question made Nathaniel look up and arch an eyebrow at Andrew, who looked as blank as an empty paper. As if that suggestion didn’t have such naughty and desired implications.

Nathaniel licked his own lips and watched as Andrew followed the movement with his eyes.

“If you wanna fuck me already, you can just tell me. I won’t deny it,” He said with a smile full of lust.

When Andrew turned his eyes back to Nathaniel's, they were dark with sin, “I sure do.”

“Let’s go then,” He smiled slyly and as they were rising from their seats, he called, “Roland,” when he saw he had the man’s attention, he completed, “put our drinks in my account. Tell Kevin I’m leaving, what just happened with the little rat who left, and if anything happens, tell him to handle it. He is in The Room.”

Roland nodded with a smile and a wink, “Go have fun, boss.”

Nathaniel's smile was wicked as he grabbed Andrew’s hands and dragged him out of the bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for stopping there hahaha but if I continued this chapter would be too massive, so I decided to divide it. 
> 
> Tell me your thoughts on the comments! I really want to know what you thought about this one. You can also talk to me on Twitter on @sunabram or on Tumblr on jostenrun, if you'd rather.
> 
> See you guys next Friday!


	3. out the window

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hood of a car will never be the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIYA! CHAPTER 3 IS HERE!
> 
> Are you guys ready for this chapter? OH, I'm sooooo excited to see your reactions to this.  
> As the tags say, this is not a slow burn at all. So here begin our sexy times! This is fic is really smutty, and this chapter is just the beginning. If that's not your thing but you do want to read the fic, I'll always let everyone know about the sexual content on the beginning notes of the chapters. This chapter though is basically just sex or about that.  
> Ok, to the other warnings of this chapter:  
> I love BDSM. I really, really do. But it's still something I'm inexperienced, and I still don't know everything there is to know about it. So, fair warning: I tried really hard to make this realistic and to do the beauty of BDSM justice but I'm bound to make mistakes on this, and I'm asking for your forgiveness in advance. If there is something that it hasn't been made clear, or if there is any kind of misunderstanding, mistake, or anything AT ALL that needs to be changed, PLEASE DO TELL ME. I'm still educating myself on this, but I really wanted to write something on these lines, so yeah.
> 
> Still, I hope you enjoy it to the fullest. <3
> 
> This chapter's TW's: mentions of past-abuse, BDSM, explicitly sexual content, sadomasochism, edging, overstimulation, manipulation, anal sex, fingering.

“Where are we going?” Neil asked as he looked at the streets flashing by them.

“You’ll see soon enough,” Andrew answered as he drove them fast through the empty city in the late night.

“You know,” Neil said, turning to Andrew and looking amused. It was so obvious that Andrew saw it from the corner of his eyes. “If this is a plan to murder me, you must know I have lots of knives all over me and I’m proficient in lots of martial arts. So, you won’t succeed.” He gave him a predatory smile. 

Andrew knew the man wasn’t kidding in the slightest even if he was using a playful tone.

“As if I would dare to hurt you,” Andrew answered truthfully with a serious voice, not taking his eyes out of the street. He could feel Neil’s scrutinizing gaze piercing his flesh. “Unless you’ve asked for it,” he winked at Neil with a flirty little smile on his lips.

“I like that. I like that very much.” Neil purred, and suddenly the sinful man had his mouth almost glued to Andrew’s ear. He whispered and Andrew shuddered, “May I touch you, Andrew?”

“You may. But only above my waist.” Andrew managed to answer somewhat calmly, struggling to focus on the street in front of them.

In an instant, Andrew felt Neil’s lips on his throat and he barely kept a little moan from escaping from his lips. Neil’s kisses on his neck were soft and teasing and _ perfect _ .  _ Sinful _ . He let his lips explore the flesh, and twisted his fingers in Andrew’s scalp, softly but passionately caressing it. When Andrew accelerated the vehicle a little through the streets of Baltimore, Neil moaned lowly against his throat, making the vibrations go through him and making him let go a little sound of satisfaction in return.

“You like adrenaline, don’t you?” Andrew asked, a little breathlessly.

Neil only nodded with his lips glued at the flesh right below Andrew’s earlobe.

“What if I asked you to blow me while I drive,” Andrew continued, attentive of any reaction the devil could give him. Neil whimpered slightly at the suggestion, and Andrew smirked at it. Andrew switched marches on the car and accelerated further. “You would do it, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes. Do you want me to?” Neil whispered against his ear, biting and licking Andrew’s earlobe with passion.

Andrew hummed in appreciation of the idea. “Sadly, I have other plans for us tonight. But tell me what else you would do. What are our limits here? How can I play with you tonight, love?” 

He was breathless now, there was no denying it. His cock was already hard. Neil just _ knew _ what to do to him and Andrew was under his ministrations gratefully for the time being. 

But not for long. 

Andrew made his personal mission to make this powerful, gorgeous man  _ fall apart  _ in a needy moaning mess. 

First, though, he needed to make sure to don’t exceed any limits the man might have. Consent was a big deal for him and he didn’t want in any way to presume what Neil might want in such a topic like sex, even if he wasn’t exactly shy about what he liked or not. Still, better safe than sorry.

“You can do whatever, really,” Neil whispered as he traced his fingers through Andrew’s scalp, scratching his flesh lightly with bitten nails. “You can spank me with your hands or with your belt, you can fuck me in every position possible, you can fuck my face, you can choke me… The possibilities are endless. I love all of it. Just don’t use fire and sharp objects, and we are good. Surprise me, Andrew.” He chuckled and licked his neck with a humm, “And what are your plans? Tell me.” Neil purred now biting and sucking at his flesh.

_ Such a kinky bastard, fucking hell. _ He almost chuckled at Neil’s answer, but he had expected nothing less than that even if he knew the guy for so little time. Andrew greedily absorbed all the information, determined to make the night unforgettable for both of them. To make this man of power and sass and beauty want him again and again and again.

Andrew’s arousal was rising to levels he didn’t think possible before.

Maybe it was time to transform his own fantasies into reality.

“First, don’t you dare leave a mark on my neck, you’ll not like the consequences,” Andrew said firmly when he felt his sensitive skin already answering to the no-longer-soft touches of Neil.

_ Where the hell did that come from? _ he asked himself, but soon enough he gave up trying to understand the urges he felt when he was near this sinful man, so he put this aside to analyze later. Neil chuckled lightly against his skin, and softened his endeavor on Andrew’s throat but didn’t stop. 

Andrew continued with a slightly softer tone that still didn’t give space for discussion. “Second, my plans are to find a nice, empty field to park this car, and then I’m going to fuck you till you lose your shit on the hood of it. How does that sound?”

That decision was made based solely on the fact that he could  _ not  _ bring Neil to his house, and the man being a crime boss, it would probably be counterproductive to even ask him such a question. And Andrew despised motels. So, yeah. This was the third better option.

“Hm,” Neil mumbled, now kissing his jaw. Andrew gripped the steering wheel even more tightly while stopping himself from making any sounds at the marvelous work of Neil’s lips on him. “I really like it, Sir. Do it.”

Andrew’s heart skipped a beat and his feet hit the pedal with even more force, making his car almost fly in response. Neil called him _ Sir  _ totally mindlessly and that sent an unexpected thrill of _ something _ in his veins. It was a sort of excitement that he didn’t understand very well and at the same time he  _ did _ .

He liked to have control and to be in charge of every aspect of his life, even in sex. That much was very normal to him. It was the way he liked to live after so many ears of lack of choices. He wanted,  _ needed _ , to make them now, to be in charge and to dictate the rules. That was why he became a teacher after all.

The thing is that he didn’t ever get such a physical rush from this type of behavior, so submissive and willing and  _ kinky _ , before. Maybe because he had never seen it like this. Sure enough, he had seen a glimpse of it a few times in a couple of partners but Andrew never indulged himself quite right at it because he always knew those weren’t people that actually wanted to submit to his dominant streak, they just wanted to have a little bit of spice at sex. And, yet, somehow,  _ something _ was telling Andrew that Neil was not the same. And it wasn’t even like Neil was explicit about it, he was bossy all the time actually, but maybe the fact that his submissive side lived hidden in the smallest situations is exactly what made everything  _ sweeter _ .

_ Better. _

Like this word,  _ Sir, _ freely given as a natural reflection of Andrew’s own authoritative tone. Spoken like an afterthought.

It wasn’t like Andrew didn’t know about BDSM. He knew quite a lot about it actually, and that was why he wasn’t freaking out at himself or at Neil from the very beginning of this date, but he never met or had anything with someone clearly involved with it. Never experienced it in any form besides his own habit of being bossy and dominant, but while he had only partners that didn’t care enough to fight him about it in the start but could never handle it on the long term, it wasn’t like he explored this side of his further than in books. Also, he didn’t have the time for it with his job and his daughter, and it wasn’t like Andrew cared, too. He never liked those people enough to ask them to _ try _ . Or they dealt with his shit or didn’t. So, no. He never indulged himself in any type of activity that he could fully explore his urge for dominant needs.

Neil showed him over and over in the course of the night that this was about to change, and while Andrew had this tiny spark of fear in him about the unknown, it was currently being drowned by arousal and a strong instinct to grab Neil, to claim him,  _ mark him _ .

“Good to know, love,” Andrew answered in a raspy, husky voice that made Neil let go a tiny little sound while sucking lightly at Andrew’s nape and he almost moaned with the sensation.

Andrew’s nerves were on fire for far too long. He needed to find a place soon or he would crash the fucking car.

He had spent every day since meeting Neil with the image of his demoniacal smile, sparkling blue eyes, and dangerous aura provoking the dirtiest thoughts inside his head. He kept relieving their meeting, especially the moment in which he saw Neil look at him with such a hunger that he felt every inch of his skin aware of the presence before him. He jerked himself raw since then, as he remembered the way Neil had called him ‘babe’, the way he had said he was trying to woo him, and how he looked incredibly adorable with that pout on his face. He remembered every second of it while indulging himself with relief. 

And he created too.

He created delicious fantasies in which he pinned Neil to his bed, tied him up, and ravished each inch of the tattooed body. He would decipher every one of the designs in his skin with his tongue, he would provoke Neil till he begged for him to touch his cock, to let him come. And he would deny him even after he had already tasted every inch of Neil’s flesh. He would then lick Neil’s asshole and give him the rim job of his life, retracting every time Neil came close to come, making him beg so much for Andrew to let him come, and  _ only then _ he would fuck him so good he would be forgetting how to properly speak, the only word leaving those sinful lips being Andrew’s name.

Still, reality managed to be so,  _ so much better _ than any fantasy could ever be.

After a few minutes of driving silently besides Neil’s little moans against his neck, Andrew finally found a dark field just outside of town that would be perfect for his plans. The moment he stopped and turned the car off, Andrew had just enough presence of mind to reach the car seat adjustment lever and pull it to increase the distance between the vehicle's seat and the steering wheel, thereby making more space for what he wanted to do. 

Then, he grabbed Neil by his thighs and dragged him to his lap.

Neil yelped but made himself comfortable in Andrew’s lap soon enough. Andrew only spared two seconds of his time to look at the man straddling him, to see how he seemed flush and how his gaze was slightly dazed and how his lips already looked a deeper shade of red from his assault at Andrew’s neck. Though when Andrew noticed the need and lust reverberating from Neil, his quivering mouth, his rapid breath, he all but pounced on the man, grabbing him firmly by his perfect ass and hip and devouring his mouth.

Their kiss was all but gentle. They explored each other's mouths with a kind of fervor that made Andrew’s head spin, his breath rapid and his skin liberate sweat. Neil let his fingers pull and grab and explore Andrew's hair and shoulders, cupping his face only to drag his bitten nails down his neck and making Andrew shiver and let go of tiny little sounds that made Neil mewl and gasp. Their tongues were becoming intimates in the best way possible, and their teeth often joined the dance by biting lips ferociously. 

They fought for dominance, they fought to see who would drive the other crazy first, they fought for the sake of fighting.

Soon enough they separated to take each other's jackets and shirts, but only to glue their lips right back. Andrew couldn’t have enough of Neil, of his marvelous plump and soft lips. This man had the most delicious flavor and was more addictive than any drug. He tasted like alcohol, nicotine, and something entirely new that Andrew craved and devoured with every swipe of his tongue on Neil’s, who was making the most delectable sounds against his mouth, seeming so needy, so desperate for more of Andrew. Just like he was for Neil.

When they parted long enough to breathe properly, they glued their foreheads and breathed the same air, looking deeply into each other's eyes. Neil seemed ravished already, with his flush spread out to his tattooed neck and beginning of chest. He had this sly but needy look in his eyes that Andrew already knew he was the only one that could pull off perfectly, and this ignited Andrew’s nerves to the point he wanted to take this slyness off one way or another, to have Neil wanting beneath his thumb. This man was a proper brat, like the ones Andrew had only read about in his BDSM books, and Andrew craved to tame him and teach him how to behave when around him, even if he didn’t know exactly  _ how to do it. _

Andrew parted even more from him and started to take his fill of the man in his lap. Even in the dim light, he could still see quite well due to the poles on the street, and so he devoured Neil with his eyes, committing to memory every curve and muscle of the lithe body heaving with lust and need for air. 

He made sure to imprint to memory every single one of Neil’s tattoos and scars within sight too. And there were s _ o many of them. _

There were three bullet wounds, and beside every single one of them were beautiful lilies. There were many more flowers beside or on top of other types of wounds that Andrew couldn’t discern the cause for — besides the ones that were obviously cut in his flesh. There was a flower for every single scar and they seemed to be one species for one type of wound. Andrew wondered why, but he could already imagine the reason for it. The drawings were gorgeous, well designed, and Neil clearly took good care of them.

Besides the flowers all over him, there was also a hieroglyphical eye above the heart, an old school dagger below it, and also different designs like a terrible realist hellhound half-hidden in the shadows that took all the upper left arm, and a mythological Japanese Kirin that took his right. In his left forearm, there were a few phrases in French and Latin with croissants, tiny cigarettes, earphones, coffees, more tiny flowers, and a little number three in the outer corner of his wrist. In his right forearm, there were a lot of phrases in Japanese and Latin that looked like quotations from books as well as a quotation mark, a fire sign, a gun, and a little two in the outer corner of this wrist. In his rough calloused hands, there was Q U E E N written on his right knuckles, and in his left ones was S M O K E.

Not even one single tattoo had color. They were all designed in black ink.

He was sure that there were multiple more on Neil’s back and other parts of the body, and despite Andrew being so curious about them, he didn’t have the self-restraint to ask to see them or their meanings. Because most of all he felt his throat dry with the beauty of the man in his lap. Those tattoos certainly told a story that only made him desire Neil even more. So much that he was afraid that he might hurt Neil, even though he doubted something could hurt the man.

He had taken Neil’s hands in his to analyze the designs and only then did he realize that. He was so deep in his search through the man’s body that he did that without thinking. When he looked up to Neil he found a mildly uncomfortable expression in his face, but when their eyes locked, Neil's gaze darkened with whatever he had seen in Andrew’s eyes.

“Like what you see, honey?” Neil purred as he smiled dangerously and inclined himself again to touch their foreheads, letting his hands explore Andrew’s pecs and tease his nipples.

Andrew’s response was a low growl and a fierce kiss that Neil’ didn’t even have a chance to try to fight him. As he devoured Neil’s mouth in a possessive kiss that Neil surrendered himself completely, melting against his body, he grabbed Neil’s ass tightly, making the man moan as he massaged and spread his asscheeks through the tight leather trousers still on Neil’s legs.

“Get out, take the rest of your clothes off, and open yourself for me in the hood of the car.” Andrew panted in Neil’s mouth right after biting hard his lower lip.

“ _ Yes. _ ” Neil moaned and panted against him.

Andrew smacked his ass, making Neil only moan louder. “Go on then, gorgeous. I want to see your tight hole from here before I fuck you.”

Neil had a mischievous look in his eyes when he looked into Andrew’s, still breathless.

“A little bit of voyeurism never killed anyone, right?”

Andrew just rolled his eyes at the man, _ a brat in heart indeed _ , and brought his hand down on his ass again, harder, making Neil throw his head back in a moan.  _ Very interesting _ , Andrew thought.  _ Apparently there was a masochist on his lap. _

“I’ll never leave if you keep on doing this,” Neil said breathlessly with pure hunger in his eyes as he pressed his ass down in Andrew’s aching erection.

The friction was delicious, everything his cock needed, and Andrew almost considered complying with Neil’s wishes and letting him ride him right there, in his seat of the car. But deep, deep,  _ deep down  _ Andrew simply couldn’t. Complying with Neil’s wishes was not what the brat deserved right now. After all, if Andrew could see clearly in the rearview mirror, and he knew he could, the little devil on his lap had done the one thing he told him not to do. He had left a red and a purple mark on his neck.

_ ‘I was such a good boy because of it, don’t you think? I think I need to be a bit bad right now to make things even, you know.’  _

Well, he was indeed a bad boy and now it was time for him to face the consequences.

Neil still hadn't noticed that Andrew discovered his little act of rebellion, probably hoping he would only see it when he got home later that night. He was still smiling slyly and wiggling his perfect ass in his lap, making Andrew moan slightly and press his hands further on the man’s ass, spreading them apart and holding them tightly, making Neil whimper.

Suddenly, Andrew took off his hand from Neil’s ass and pressed it _ hard _ to his cock, making the man gasp and choke in the middle of his movement on Andrew’s erection.

“What the fuck?” Neil said between gritted teeth. He looked murderous as he felt Andrew, who wanted to chuckle but refrained, cutting his blood flow, making his cock ache, and blocking his orgasm for a while.

“I’m only going to tell you one more time. Get out, take off your clothes, and spread yourself over the hood,” Andrew answered calmly.

Neil’s gaze softened a little with whatever he saw in Andrew’s face and he nodded, looking more willing to comply somewhat. Andrew wasn’t a fool though, that facade didn’t do its job with him. While it was obvious Neil was a submissive, it was downright obvious he wanted people to work for his submission, which was quite fair in Andrew’s point of view. So work for it he would.

Neil opened the door of the car and passed one of his legs and then the other to the outside. Luckily it was the end of spring, so it wasn’t cold at all out in the night, making it possible for them to fuck to their heart's content under the night sky.

Andrew watched as Neil stretched himself a little and turned back to see Andrew still sat in the car seat. He arched an eyebrow and Andrew just stared at him blankly, waiting to see if Neil’s nerve would break soon enough. When he saw that staring at Neil wouldn’t work to get him to comply, he started to tease, using his own fingertips and passing them through his own pale inkless body. He touched his lip with his thumb and bit it while he kept Neil’s darkened gaze locked in his. He used his index to stimulate his nipples, making them pink and puffy, and to play with the hair right below his navel with lazy circles that made Neil gasp.

When he groped his own hard cock through the jeans he still wore and moaned lowly with the sensation of teasing himself, Neil broke. The redhead started to undo his own trousers efficiently, folding it and leaving at the roof of the car, above Andrew’s head. 

He walked slowly to the hood while looking above his shoulder at Andrew with a smile full of sin. When he seated in the car he hissed at the sure heat of the hood but his smile didn’t waver. He laid down, his back against the metal, his legs folded at the knees, and his heels diggin’ the hood.

Neil turned his head in Andrew’s direction and looked at him from under his lashes, managing to lock Andrew’s gaze on him even through the glass of the windshield. He bit his lip and started provoking himself much like Andrew had done just a minute ago when he stopped to look at the beautiful form that was Neil’s naked body.

Hot was not enough to describe the man and Andrew wasn't even in the right headspace to search for a better word. He just wanted to go to him and kiss him again, so that was what he did.

Andrew got up from his seat and closed the car’s door behind him with a click. His car wasn’t much but it did the job. A 2010 Range Rover Sport that was safe for his daughter while giving him the thrill of driving a good car, and he liked to keep in pristine conditions. So he took good care of it, and fucking Neil on its hood would be too good to be true.

He made his way slowly to Neil, and when he arrived at his finish line between Neil’s patted legs he took a deep breath.

The view of Neil’s naked body on the hood of his car, looking all gorgeously flushed, aroused, and bothered, was like a dream. Neil had a long, but not much thick, red pulsing erection, muscular and lean thighs, incredibly lickable hips dips, and freckles in his groin. He was a sight and Andrew didn’t rush the way he was drinking him in with only his view.

“Are you going to just keep looking at me all night?” Neil said with a sassy smile.

Andrew chuckled under his breath and started teasing his fingertips on Neil’s inner thighs, making the man shiver and arch his back slightly.

“You don’t want me to look at you? To don’t admire this beauty of a body before me?” Andrew clicked his tongue. “I’m going to take my time with you, Neil. Better get used to the idea now.”

Neil made a low noise of impatience, but Andrew paid him no mind. He continued to stroke the delicate area of Neil’s tattooed and lightly scarred thighs, teasing the flesh with gentle and soft touches that were exactly what Neil didn’t want. Andrew knew that Neil liked it rough and painful and he was determined to not give it to him if only to make the point that while Neil was a boss in every aspect of his life, under Andrew’s hands he wasn’t going to be more than putty.

He inclined himself and put his face right above Neil’s. His hands went up and were now caressing Neil’s groin, making his breath quicken and his pupils blown even more. Now Andrew couldn’t even discern the blue in his eyes anymore, not in the dark. He looked thoroughly aroused, lost in the maze of desire, and started babbling.

“Andrew, kiss me. Kiss me like you mean it, Andrew. Kiss me. Kiss me.  _ Kiss m _ — ”

Andrew complied but only with the lightest of the touches between their lips. A kiss so gentle and soft that made Neil gruff in impatience once more against his mouth.

“Do you want more, Neil?” Andrew whispered in the lack of space between them, his eyes lost in Neil’s vivid ones.

“Yes,” Neil moaned, arching his back when he felt the tip of Andrew’s fingers teasing the head of his cock.

“What do you want, Neil?” Andrew continued to tease further, his other hand caressing his hip.

“I want you to fuck me already.  _ Rough and hard _ . Fast,” Neil threw his head back and moaned when Andrew’s hand now evolved his erection with the softest touch possible.

“I will fuck you, but only if you promise me that you can be still. Can you do that?” Andrew asked, brushing his nose against Neil’s in a caress.

“I— I can,” Neil answered breathlessly.

“Good,” Andrew smirked and then withdrew with one last soft peck in Neil’s luxurious addictive lips.

He looked down at Neil's needy form on the hood of his car, his gorgeous cock, his hair wild and disheveled still burning red even with the low light. Neil was a beauty that Andrew thought he would never tire to look at. 

He started pumping Neil’s cock fast but lightly, only giving him half of what he asked for. At the same time, he grabbed the little package of lube he had in the pocket of his pants and opened it with his teeth, making sure not to use everything on only his fingers but still using a good amount, and put it beside Neil’s hip in the metal surface.

He continued pumping Neil’s cock too softly, making the man growl with impatience and ask for more repeatedly under his breath, until Andrew said quietly, “Open up yourself for me, gorgeous.”

Neil somehow listened and spread his legs even more, eager with lust and to be fucked the way he wanted to be. How wrong he was, thinking he would get it. But he didn’t need to worry though, Andrew would prep him well enough to make him even more of a messy puddle.

“You look so good like this,” Andrew said under his breath, not intending for Neil to hear, and as he kissed Neil’s knee, he lowered his hand and started rubbing his lubed finger on Neil’s tight dark hole slowly, teasingly.

Neil moaned, his forehead damp with sweat “ _ Yes. _ ”

Without further delay, Andrew eased his whole lubed index finger inside. Neil’s back arched beautifully with the surprise of the penetration and the pleasure of something rougher, just as he liked.

Andrew could bet all his money that Neil loved the burn of the stretch and the soreness of a rough fuck.

He pumped his finger slowly in and out of Neil, making sure to rub at his prostate with every movement. In no time, Neil was already moaning desperately for more, for another finger, for Andrew to fuck him already. Andrew silently complied and pushed in another finger without anything more than the force of will, pushing the tight walls that quivered under his ministrations, making Neil whimper and try to fuck himself in Andrew’s slow fingers by pushing his hips up. Without difficulty, though, Andrew pushed it down, keeping Neil in place.

“I told you not to move, babe,” Andrew said firmly but whispering. 

He started pumping his fingers faster inside Neil, rubbing at his prostate over and over and over, keeping his eyes on the face of the man now biting his own knuckles and whimpering desperately. 

“Fuck m-me, _ ngh _ ” Neil said through gritted teeth when he put his hand down and went to touch his cock.

Andrew took off his hand from Neil’s hip, and without losing the rhythm of his fingers fucking Neil, he grabbed the man’s wrists tightly and stopped him from reaching his cock. “No touching your cock, you’ll ruin all the fun,” his voice was rough with desire but firm with authority.

Neil whimpered but complied wordlessly and buried his hands on his own hair, desperate for something to hold on too as Andrew increased the assault at his prostate, already sensitive and mostly sending wave after wave of pleasure through his body. Andrew began to scissor his fingers, making sure to open up the man nicely but not enough he wouldn’t feel every inch of his cock when he pushed himself inside of him.

“M-more, m-more!” Neil moaned as he arched his back and pushed his hair out of his skull. His hair now was damp with sweat too, his eyes were rolled inside his skull and he couldn't help but wriggle his hips in the rhythm of Andrew’s fingers thrusts.

He looked already lost with all the teasing and Andrew thanked his genetics for his perfect memory when he saved this image to his skull: Neil begging, flushed and withering with desire, his eyes dazed, his skin shining with sweat and the pole lights, the ink all across his skin making him even more delectable to Andrew’s taste. He looked truly beautiful and Andrew  _ wanted  _ him so  _ bad _ .

He stopped moving his fingers and withdrew them without warning. Neil gasped, whimpered, and started complaining about the lack of sensation, but when, in his surely foggy mind, he realized that Andrew was opening his trousers, he started chanting under his breath “ _ Yes, yes, yes. _ ” 

Neil locked his now dark eyes to Andrew’s, supporting his torso on his elbows that rested on the metal. When Andrew dragged down the zipper of his trousers and stepped out of it, Neil followed the movement with his eyes. When Andrew freed his erection from his underwear, pushing it down to his feet, Neil licked and bit his lower lip sinfully, his eyes widening in surprise and hunger.

“Like what you see?” Andrew teased, breathless with arousal.

“Sure do,” Neil licked his lips once more while admiring Andrew's cock before he looked up at Andrew again, that was now retrieving his condom from the pocket of his pants and rolling it on his erection.

When he grabbed the lube to spread it on himself, he felt Neil’s short nails digging his forearm, claiming his attention. Andrew looked up and saw pure hunger. 

“No, don’t use it. Don’t need it,” Neil mumbled as he grinned devilishly, now seated on the hood, and dragged Andrew to a heated kiss,.

_ Why the hell weren’t they kissing all this time?  _ Andrew considered while his tongue brushed Neil’s and he let himself be lost in the sensation of Neil’s addictive sassy  _ filthy _ mouth.

Without parting their lips, he pushed Neil lightly with his own body to return to his previous position, laid down on the hood. He positioned himself above Neil, elbows supporting his weight on each side of Neil’s head and his feet on the ground between Neil’s folded legs, and let the kiss continue for a few moments while letting his erection rub at the crack of Neil’s ass, making both of them moan lightly on each other’s mouths.

Andrew half-heartedly tried to part their lips to continue with his plans, to push into Neil and fuck him every  _ so slowly  _ that he would be desperate for more _ , _ but Neil chased him every time, prolonging it with bites and licks and muffled groans against his mouth that drove him  _ crazy _ . He just  _ couldn’t  _ resist it now. Not when he could feel the marvelous taste of Neil again, even if it wasn’t so long ago that he first did it. Not when he has been dying to do it since he got out of the car, but refrained. Not when Neil was producing the prettiest of sounds, grabbing him deliriously, pulling on his hair, scratching his back, his heels now digging into Andrew’s back as he held him in place with his legs on Andrew’s waist, gluing every inch of their bodies, squeezing his biceps and shoulders. Andrew felt Neil all over and couldn’t get enough, so he let himself indulge in it.

Those types of kisses weren't supposed to be real. The ones that made you want to scream from how good they felt, the ones that seemed to make everything stop, the ones that stopped you from  _ thinking  _ about anything else but the press of lips and mingled breaths. They were supposed to only exist in literature and crappy movies. They weren’t supposed to exist in the shape of a gorgeous devil crime Lord that coordinates a major illegal organization. This wasn’t supposed to happen.

When they parted, gasping and flushed with the heat of their exchange, Neil murmured with his eyes onto Andrew’s, pleading, commanding. His lips were rubbing against each other from how close they were “Fuck me. Now.”

“As you wish,” Andrew answered quietly, totally dazed from their kiss, drunk on Neil.

He moved one of his hands from Neil’s hair to his own cock.

“Spread yourself, honey,” he whispered, still against Neil’s plump red lips.

Neil moved his hands resting on Andrew’s jaw, and grabbed his own legs, spreading them as wide as it could get and exposing his hole for Andrew to breach.

“Do it. Fuck me against the hood of your car as if you had never fucked anything better in your life. Fuck me like it is a fight for your fucking life. Fuck me as if it was the only thing you could do to breathe. Just fuck me already, Andrew.” He growled against Andrew’s lips, biting his bottom fiercely.

Andrew growled. Hearing Neil call him by his name did something to his insides he didn’t expect. So, he  _ pushed hard. _

Neil rolled his eyes and howled, throwing his head back and arching his back beautifully, pressing their bodies that inch closer, as if Andrew wasn’t already completely glued to Neil’s body. As if he wasn’t already melting and howling himself with the toe-curling sensation that was to be finally inside Neil.

As Andrew pushed into Neil’s tight, _ so tight,  _ walls, he felt dizzy, and so he went in slowly for the fear of this ending too soon. And for his need to control this situation, which he didn’t feel like he was doing at all.

He had been on edge for long enough, neglecting his own pleasure to tease Neil, to make him pay for his little stunt, and now his throbbing cock felt like it could burst at any second. His tongue was heavy with Neil’s taste, his ear rang with the delectable sounds leaving Neil’s mouth, his scent was filled with the smell of Neil’s cologne, his eyes couldn’t stray away from Neil’s beautiful blue eyes even if he wanted it, and he felt Neil all over his body like a second skin.

Andrew felt so  _ drunk  _ and  _ so horny _ that he felt like a fucking teenager all over again. He was close to his climax, but thankfully he managed to be balls deep into Neil without embarrassing himself. He just needed a few moments to calm himself, and he would be good to go. Surely.

Their foreheads were touching again and they were looking into each other’s eyes, panting.

“I’m so full.  _ Fuck, you feel so good _ ,” Neil mumbled quietly, and if Andrew wasn’t so close he wouldn’t have heard.

_ Moments to calm himself his ass.  _ This man drove him  _ crazy _ and he wouldn’t waste another fucking second.

Andrew kissed him, not giving Neil a time or any space of mind to fight him, and he dominated their kiss, making it hard for Neil to do anything but melt and moan, as he went back and pushed himself back into Neil with force.

“ _ Yes, yes, yes. Ngh. _ ”

“Don’t take your hands from your legs,” Andrew whispered with a husky, firm voice against Neil’s lips. “Keep them nice and open for me.”

When Neil nodded dumbly in agreement, he straightened himself on his hips, now standing between Neil’s legs, his dick still buried in Neil’s warmth without a care in the world. He looked down at Neil flushed, eager form in the dark, remembering, maybe for the first time since they arrived, that they were in an empty field outside of the town that Neil owned. 

He held Neil’s hips tightly in his hands, with a force that was sure to leave marks, and adjusted his angle to make Neil _ squirm _ . 

Andrew smirked and pounded harshly into Neil again.

“ _ Yes! _ ” Neil’s eyes rolled, his knuckles white with force in the place he held his own legs open for Andrew to use.

Andrew kept it slow. 

He withdrew as slowly as he could, making Neil feel every inch of him, only to thrust harshly and unexpectedly in his hole. Neil begged for him to fasten up, to touch his aching cock, to choke him, to spank him, to do  _ something _ , but he didn’t listen. He fucked Neil slow and he kept his hands on Neil’s hips. 

He wanted to drag this moment out the most he could. And he wanted Neil to remember that right now,  _ he _ was the one in charge.

“ _ Andrew! Faster! Please, _ ” Neil pleaded, his lips forming a quivering pout and as his whole body trembled, while Andrew’s thrusts rubbed his prostate with another hard push.

“I told you I would take my time with you,” Andrew smirked breathlessly, feeling the sweat rolling on his neck, and withdrew, making sure to tease the bundle of nerves inside of Neil with the movement.

“ _ Fuck! A-Andrew! Just! P-please! Do it! A-anything!” _

“Oh, Neil. You’re so polite now. But unfortunately for you, I won’t.” Andrew inclined himself and he was just the right height to have his lips against Neil’s ear. “You should have thought about that before leaving marks on me.”

He withdrew his face a little and looked into Neil’s confused eyes when he smirked and thrust harshly into Neil once again, just when the man realized what was happening.

“Y-you bastard!” Neil moaned with a frown, trying to fight the pleasure that put his body on fire.

“Oh, yes. I am.” Andrew smirked, as he slowly moved out of his hole.

“I c-can’t believe y-you’re doing t-this,” Neil said as he trembled with the way Andrew’s cock still grazed gently at his prostate.

“I would do more,” He harshly thrust in, and Neil’s eyes rolled. “Bad boys get what they deserve.”

“ _ F-fuck _ !”

“But you should thank me,” Andrew said and stopped his movements for a few moments, to make Neil squirm even more with impatience. He pecked the frowning man and said against his lips. “After all, I’m still going to let you come,” he pounded into him without warning and Neil moaned loudly. Andrew growled and bit Neil’s low lip. “Eventually.”

With that, he moved his head and started licking, biting, and abusing Neil’s neck, collarbones and throat, leaving marks all through the flesh approachable by his position. His thrusts remained slow and harsh but he let the natural grind of his body against Neil’s to tease the man’s cock between them, offering some kind of relief to the tension that would explode in a slow toe-curling orgasm.

Andrew was so benevolent, really. Neil was being a brat and Andrew was still giving him a mind-blowing orgasm. It was unfair the way Neil was frowning and fighting his own pleasure right now, refusing to reciprocate Andrew’s kisses, refusing to moan and show his satisfaction with any of Andrew’s touches, even though his flushed face and little sighs gave him away. All of it because of his hurt pride. 

And still, the man hasn’t moved his hands from his legs. Just as Andrew told him to do.

This acknowledgment gave Andrew an extra kick that made him be suddenly near his own climax, despite the slowness of his movements.

“Do you want to come, Neil?” Andrew whispered in the little space between them, looking at Neil’s eyes that were so full of emotion. He bit the man’s lip and Neil gasped a little when he accelerated his thrusts a tiny bit more. 

Andrew was chasing his own orgasm here too, after all, and he needed  _ more _ .

“I know you do, babe.” Andrew pressed tiny kisses on Neil’s throat, and he bit lightly the skin, sucking and licking it right after. He continued to mumble against the skin and thrust multiple slow times impossibly  _ harder  _ onto him _ ,  _ making Neil let slip a tiny moan again. “Don’t fight your pleasure. I know how you must feel like you’re about to explode. You feel like you’re on fire. I’m fucking you so good, Neil. I know you love it. Don’t fight it. Let go. Come for me, love. Come.”

Neil let out a moaned plea “ _ Andrew _ ” that made him look up into Neil’s dark gaze.

When they met eye to eye again, Neil inclined his head up and kissed him deeply, moaning freely once again against his mouth, moving his body to complement Andrew’s.

Andrew thrust hard enough to bruise one, two, three, four times, and then Neil tensed, shuddered, and gasped, throwing his head back when rope after rope of come left his red cock, soaking them both on it.

As Neil’s walls tightened around himself, Andrew let go too. 

Andrew felt the unyielding pleasure of his climax for the longest time. His body felt heavy and light, he felt hot and cold, and he could only see Neil under him, shivering and moaning his name. His knees were failing to keep him upright, so he let his body slump on top of Neil’s as they both lost themselves to the magnificence of their sweet, intense, and toe-curling orgasms.

They panted and breathed each other in, trying to tie themselves to the moment.

After a few moments, Andrew could discern himself and his body again. He felt Neil’s chest heaving against his, rough hands drawing lazy patterns against his back — that felt quite sore right now — and the delicate, inked, and marked with a deep purple bite that Andrew didn’t remember doing, flesh of Neil’s neck against his cheek.

“Alive?” Neil's husky voice whispered against Andrew’s ear, and a calloused finger poked his ribs.

“Don’t do that,” Andrew mumbled against his neck before finding enough strength in his arms to at least take the weight of his body off Neil.

He supported himself in his forearms and looked at Neil, still spread under him and with his cock in his hole.

Neil looked a bit breathless and flushed a deep shade of red, but otherwise, he seemed fine. He had retrieved the sly mischievous glint of his eyes that disappeared at some point between their first kiss and now, and frowned slightly at Andrew. Neil took his hands off Andrew’s body, resting them at his sides in the still-warm metal of the hood of Andrew’s car, and turned his face to the side, as if refusing to look Andrew in the eye.

“Still mad about your little punishment, darling?” Andrew said lightly, nuzzling Neil’s cheek, trying to coerce the man to look at him.

“That wasn’t a real punishment,” Neil scoffed, still refusing to turn his face.

“Oh, really? So should I do something harsher the next time? Indulge ourselves in a proper scene, perhaps.”

“And who told you there is going to be a next time? Are you this confident?”

At this, Andrew moved his hand and pushed Neil's face to make the man look at him, which he did with bored eyes, as if he wasn’t chanting Andrew’s name only a few minutes ago.

“You and I both know that it will, honey,” Andrew smirked and pecked Neil’s lips, who just rolled his eyes.

Andrew straightened himself up slowly, taking his soft cock out of Neil and efficiently discarding the used condom by throwing it in the middle of the grass of the empty field they were in.

Only now Andrew was in the right state of mind to actually look at where they were. The night was clear and full of stars, the grass was wild all around them, and far, far away, a farm was visible. There were the reminisces of the pole lights of the road a mile back, and it was really a good place for them to do what they did, due to the fact that a big tree blocked the view of their activities from the street.

Even horny as fuck Andrew still made good choices. He was quite proud of himself.

He crouched to retrieve his underwear, still on his feet, and his trousers, a few inches away. When he went up, dragging his underwear to its place, he looked at Neil that was now seated in the hood of the car, naked as the day he was born, with his legs lazily hanging from the edge of the hood. He supported himself with his hands slightly behind his torso and looked at him with piercing curiosity in his ice-blue eyes.

He was so beautiful that Andrew’s breath caught up for less than a second before he contained himself. He averted his eyes quickly.

“What do you want to know?” Andrew asked mildly distracted, now searching for something to clean the mess of come on his and Neil’s stomach.

He walked to the trunk without waiting for an answer and quickly grabbed an old shirt that would do the job of cleaning them up somewhat well.

When he came back, he gave the shirt to Neil first, who lazily dragged it through his body and cleaned himself before giving it back to him. While Andrew was now making sure his torso was come-free, Neil still directed his scrutinizing gaze to Andrew.

Crouching again, Andrew grabbed his trousers and as he stepped inside then and fought to drag them up —  _ why did he have to choose jeans so tight?  _ — Neil finally asked, “Are you a proper Dom?”

Andrew waited till’ he had managed to put the trousers on its place again, zipped and closed, before looking up at Neil. 

The man looked curious and not judgemental at all, which made Andrew, in return, relax. His posture was composed but serene and he still looked adorably flushed from their activities. Andrew had never planned on lying to him but this certainly helped. 

“If you’re asking me if I have the training or if I’ve already had contractual submissives, the answer is no,” Andrew said calmly with his head inclined as he looked into Neil’s eyes. “I have never been to a BDSM club either. My only experience comes from books, research, and conversations with people from the scene on the internet,” he approached Neil, taking the few steps that now separated them, and put one hand on the man’s knee, making sure to seem honest and to be steady, “I would never indulge in a proper scene with you without those. I just said it as a joke. I mean, we could experiment a few things, if given the chance I would want that, but I’m not irresponsible. You must have figured that by now.”

Neil hummed but still looked curiously at Andrew with an eyebrow arched. “So you’ve read it, and you know you’re a natural Dom, but never did anything about it? Quite hard to believe.”

“Believe in what you want,” Andrew shrugged. “I’m telling you the truth. What would I have to win lying to you, saying that I don’t have experience? It would be much better if I did the opposite, don’t you think?”

Neil only hummed again, still piercing him with his gaze.

They stayed quiet for a few minutes, Andrew with his hand on Neil’s knees, supporting the man’s silent search for a lie in his eyes, which he would not find.

At that moment, he remembered all the times during the past few days in which he had told himself not to come to this date. To not see Neil again, to go away and never step a foot in Hellhound Hole again. To never even dare to think about such a dangerous man, that could jeopardize everything he had built in the last eight years of his life. That could put his daughter, the only love of his life, in danger. 

And in all those times he did that, in all the times he pushed Neil away inside his own head, pushed the possibilities of _ this  _ happening to the ground, he remembered. Clear as day, a voice that still hunted him in his dreams, whispering in a hot breath against his face  _ ‘You’ll never have anything you truly want. I’ll take everything away from you.’ _

Then, he wasn’t so sure anymore. Because, while he loved the life he had built for him and his daughter after all that pain, he never actually had something he  _ wanted  _ since day one _.  _ He didn’t want to let _ him _ win. Not after all his sacrifice to eradicate _ his _ existence in his life. He wouldn’t let the fear and the memories take one more choice away from him.

And Neil, from the very first moment Andrew laid his eyes on him, was someone he _wanted_. Truly, like he didn’t even know he could want something, he never once felt this desire in his life. He _wanted_ this devil with manic smiles, psychotic tendencies, calculating eyes, and scarred body. He _wanted_ this angel with passionate kisses, lingering touches, whispered moans, and soft skin. He _wanted_.

He looked at Neil now, who still calculated whatever in his head, and he  _ wanted _ . He wanted so badly he cursed refractory periods ‘cause the instinct to claim Neil again was so strong he tightened his grip on Neil’s knee without realizing.

“Alright?” Neil asked with his eyebrow-raising an inch higher.

“Sure,” Andrew took a deep breath and let go of Neil’s knee. He turned around and walked till he could open the driver’s door of his car. 

When he was about to seat, he looked at Neil, still looking at him naked in the hood, now already dry from his sex sweat with the refreshing spring breeze.

“You coming, honey?” Andrew smirked before seating and closing the door.

He waited till Neil got up from the hood to start the car, after putting his own shirt and jacket back, and didn’t power the air conditioner till’ the man got fully clothed again, after he grabbed his pants now on the floor by the car, having fallen from the ceiling with the force of Andrew’s thrusts.

Andrew shivered with the memories of just a few moments ago and when Neil looked clothed and ready to go, he started to drive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this. I hope you all liked it!
> 
> In this chapter, I need to make a shout out to my beta again, since they were amazing and they worked reeeeally hard to organize my overexcited thoughts on this. So, Moon, I love you. Thanks for being the best EVER. 
> 
> Oh, and DON'T THROW CONDOMS ON EMPTY FIELDS. DON'T DO THAT. IT'S BAD FOR THE ENVIRONMENT.
> 
> Now, you know the drill: give me kudos, give me comments. Feed me.
> 
> See you guys next Friday!


	4. handful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meetings and thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit on the short side, but it's important all the same. We get a little bit more insight into the lives of our characters.
> 
> TW's: mentions of gore, mentions of drugs, mentions of death, mentions of torture, organized crime. 
> 
> If there is any missing let me know!

“Wesninski. Did you hear me?”

Nathaniel’s eyes snapped up and suddenly he realized he had basically been lost inside his head, playing with the pen and paper in front of him and thinking about golden eyes, for the last five minutes of the meeting.

_Fuck._

“Of course,” Nathaniel replied easily with a professional smile on his face.

It was important that this meeting went well. After the events of the last few weeks, he knew there was no way of proceeding to the next level without the South being in this just as deep as them, rather than the calculated distance Nathaniel was managing to hold until now. He needed them to hurry things on their side, he needed to show them how their open window was rapidly turning into a crack and how they needed to barricade their way in even though it seemed too risky. 

How it just turned into now or never. 

He looked at Kevin for a clue about what was being said, but his goofy smile directed to the man in front of them almost made Nathaniel roll his eyes in despair. They were in an important meeting, how could Kevin flirt in a moment like this? Be so distracted? He should be the one paying attention, not Nathaniel.

In a moment of clarity, though, he remembered Kevin’s amazing ability of compartmentalization and looked at the notes in the man’s papers and notebook being laid out in front of both of them with everything that had left Jeremy Knox 'mouth in the whole hour they were there. He smiled as he saw the answer to Knox’s question.

“I do see the need to move the transactions more quickly. In fact, I’ve already started doing that due to some circumstances that have been brought to my attention in the last week,” Nathaniel looked dead serious into Knox’s eyes, who sparkled with apprehension and interest at his words. “It was the next and most important point on my agenda for this meeting, and I’m glad it is in yours too. I need your part to start phase two.”

“Already?” Knox seemed appalled from the other end of the huge table in the room, filled with their trusted personnel only. “I was thinking of speeding off the commercial documents for delivery of cocaine and 8-millimeter guns since they’ve been inspected recently and have more chance to pass unnoticed now, not starting phase two. Why the rush? You know how this must be done carefully, Wesninski. This can’t go wrong, or we’re both ended in seconds.”

“Do you think I don’t know this?” Nathaniel snarled through gritted teeth. He could feel Kevin and Wymack tensing on his sides, but _fuck Knox_ if he though Nathaniel didn’t know what was at stake if all of this blew upon their faces. All the planning, all the sacrifices, all the _blood_ . “I don’t think you know this yet, but up North, the Lola-thing has shown new development that matters to us, to _this_ , and things are at the point of being dug up if even a comma is out of place. We’re counting on their arrogance to assume we’re somewhat safe for now. But this won’t last. If we don’t move, they will find our traces. We need the information to finish this politically as soon as possible, along with the administration processes, all of it at the same time, not before or after. Or we are already _dead_.”

Knox looked dead serious as he searched for an answer at Nathaniel’s eyes. Dermott and Rhemann on his sides were silent and typing on their notebooks quietly as they waited for their boss to speak. Wymack and Kevin were in the same positions, but without moving a single finger, waiting to see what was about to happen.

“I need more information than this, Wesninski.” Knox finally said, after a minute of contemplation. “You know there is no coming back after that, things will start developing quickly after this. Give me more, and I’ll make them move.”

Wordlessly, Nathaniel gestures to Wymack, and the older man slides a folder fat with documents and pieces of evidence through the table, in direction of Rhemann, who catches it and gives it to his boss. Knox opens it and does a quick job of analyzing the contents, keeping a blank, serene expression through it despite the rough images of dismembered bodies and tortured flesh. It was another day at the job for him, just as it was for Nathaniel and everyone present in the room.

“I see your point,” Knox looked up and closed the folder before giving it to Dermott, who reopened it and started typing away information immediately. “But how do you plan on tying both processes at the same time? This is going to be tricky as hell, Wesninski.”

“This is where you come in.” Nathaniel smiled and proceeded to explain carefully the plan he, Kevin, Jean, and Mary started developing a few weeks before.

“Jesus fucking Christ, you’re insane,” Knox answered with wide eyes and a huge smile on his face. “It’s perfect.”

“I know,” Nathaniel smiled with satisfaction.

They spent the next hour discussing the details of phase two and clearing any possible holes to be found by himself, Kevin, Wymack, Dermott, Rhemann, and Knox, while also making sure to go through everything multiple times before they found themselves satisfied enough to put people moving effectively immediately. After that, they started finishing the meeting by already scheduling the next one in Baltimore instead of in Miami like this one, and going back to elucidate and start managing the next steps of their other plans, projects, and few business details that were left to discuss in the end in order to keep their stories straight and their East-side alliance going strong and on their advantage, instead of _others_.

 _Oh, Nathan and Lola would've had a heart attack if they could see it,_ Nathaniel thought with satisfaction as he shook Knox’s hand for the last time before being escorted out of the room by Kevin and Wymack. 

On the outside of the double wooden doors, Jean stood beside a couple of Knox’s bodyguards with a hand on one of his guns and positioned like the soldier he was, but on a tailored gray suit, that followed the same patterns as Kevin’s and Wymack’s, marking them as Nathaniel’s inner circle. Wordlessly, they got into their usual formation as they walked down the spacious corridors of the Knox Complex, with Wymack on his back and the other two on each of his sides, protecting him even on the amicable territory. No one guided them through it, since they already knew their way and the cameras following their journey with Nathaniel knew was a Sniper precision. If they even stepped out of the path they were introduced too, hell would break loose on them.

“Clave on the way. Five and Six in position? Over.” Jean spoke through his earpiece on Nathaniel’s left. 

“Understood and moving. Over,” came through the device after a few seconds.

“Good,” Jean muttered before turning to Nathaniel, who was trying to get a hold on his stray thought that kept turning to a certain hazel-eyed man now he had got out of the meeting, even though he needed to remain even more alert now he was in transfer out of the Florida state. “Went well?”

“Yeah, just like we hoped it would,” Nathaniel answered as they climbed two flights of stairs and went down more corridors, now a little more cramped and industrial than the glass and wooden ones they were transpassing before. “Knox is a reasonable man and he saw that this was the better option to get ourselves out of this mess as fast as possible. He has even more reasons to want that than us, so I’m taking a calculated risk in here in hopes he will move it as quickly as possible.”

“I think you are right. Even though he stepped out of action and left it to Dermott, he still leads the South. He needed to know all of this part, there was nothing you could do. Besides, without his people, this wouldn’t work at all,” Wymack added behind him. “As your chief of operations, Neil, I will need the paperwork signed ASAP so I can send them to Rhemann tonight.”

“Do you have ‘em printed?” Nathaniel asked at the same time he wondered _why didn’t Knox have a fucking elevator to the roof?_ Those steps were torturous.

“No.”

“Kevin, send a note to Giulietta so she has it on my desk when I arrive at the Manor. Tell her it’s Wymack’s 1555 B to fill in and print.”

“Got it,” Kevin muttered as he started typing on his smartphone.

Finally, they reached the roof and were greeted by a helicopter that would escort them to the airport, so they could get the private jet back to Baltimore. Thea Muldani was by the door of it with her hands on the guns on her hip, her flexible leather and cotton outfit on top of the kevlar vest, all designed to allow fighting, cover multiple weapons over her body, and keep _him_ safe at all circumstances.

“Sir, all clear on the initial position and on air. We’re good to fly. Jack is already positioned at the airport, making sure everything is ready for your arrival.”

“Excellent,” Nathaniel said and climbed on the damn thing with Kevin and Wymack on the back, while Jean and Thea were on the front, the last one prepared to pilot them. 

After a few minutes, they were on air and Nathaniel could not hear a fucking thing even with his microphoned headphones. And everyone knew better than to try to speak with him on a fucking helicopter. He hated the damn things, even though they were necessary for them to go to his and Knox’s hidden airbase, a good half an hour away flying from the Knox Complex, undetected. They were so loud that it made him want to kill himself. Or kill the one who invented the damn thing and didn’t think about using something to silent it. 

Nathaniel could see Jean and Thea talking, probably Jean was giving her schedule of the week or checking in a few other security details, like his and her duties required. But Nathaniel knew they were good friends as well, so maybe they could be talking about the new puppy the Muldani twins acquired last week — apparently, Jack was a softie under all those muscles and sometimes Thea put up with his shit — or something else entirely. Wymack and Kevin were silent, though, and both of them were on their smartphones, probably continuing to work and making sure everything started to proceed from this phase to the next one as smoothly as possible. They were both workaholics as fuck, and Nathaniel thanked the universe for this every day, because if it were not for them and their ungodly hours, minacious and detailed reports, and obsessive need to check and recheck and recheck everything multiple times, this shit would have blown up at his face a long time ago.

Therefore, that means that Nathaniel had nothing to do but to think on his journey since he wasn’t willing to talk to any of them at the moment, and he didn’t want to start his report on the meeting to Mary anytime soon. So dwell on his sexual life he would.

It has been three weeks since that infuriatingly glorious day with Andrew.

Andrew had taken them back to the bar, written his number on Nathaniel’s hand like he was a teenager, and then went off to his own home. Not without one last kiss that, unfortunately, ended too soon and made Nathaniel’s mind spin for a bit as he entered the bar and went straight to the back room. And despite it being unfortunate because the asshole was a goddamn good kisser, Nathaniel was still feeling torn about calling the date a success or not. 

Yes, Andrew carried a conversation well enough, had a great sense of humor, and didn’t fear him. Yes, he respected him and his boundaries, was a too good kisser for his own fucking good, and had this dominant stroke that was entrancing and made Nathaniel almost flush every time he remembered seeing it first hand — _Get out, take the rest of your clothes off, and open yourself for me in the hood of the car_ — 

_Fuck._

But the thing was that Nathaniel liked to think of himself as an _almost brat_. He liked being difficult and he just couldn’t stop scolding at himself for being so easily entranced by Andrew, by allowing the blond to wrap him in his wicked games, only noticing what was happening when he was already filling him so _good_ but so _slow_ —

Yeah, it was his pride and ego talking. And, yeah, it may be childish even. But Nathaniel didn’t care in the slightest. He should have fought harder, provoked the man till he gave Nathaniel what he wanted instead of allowing Andrew to get in his head and to take control so easily. At the moment, he was happy to give it to him, _so happy_ , but now he was fucking ashamed of himself. The possibilities, if he had been a little bit more resilient, were much more enticing, and kinky his mind was too occupied with them for the next two nights after their date, enough that he hadn't slept or that he had wanked himself raw like he hadn’t done in quite _a while_.

So, no. Nathaniel hasn’t called Andrew’s number and wasn’t planning to. And even if he told himself it was because Andrew didn’t satisfy him, or that Andrew was too wicked and didn’t know how to handle his slightly bratty little mind, he knew deep down that it wasn’t _really_ because of any of this shit — even though they had their valuable points of concern to Nathaniel, as he knew how the blond was inexperienced in BDSM and Nathaniel was in the scene for at least a couple of years, so he had expectations and desires more developed. But the major reason for Nathaniel was backing off and even managed to hold back his visits to the Hellhound Hole since that day was that he was scared to give in to Andrew that easily again. 

He analyzed that night again and again and again to remember how exactly that happened. How he let himself go that way, even more to someone so inexperienced, but still so _true_.

The answers his brain supplied him were not good for his ego, so he stopped dwelling eventually.

“We’re here, Sir,” Thea said through the headphones.

Well, now Nathaniel had spent the entire ride thinking about Andrew. Again. Brilliant. He almost rolled his eyes at himself and his own stupidity. Why couldn’t he just stop thinking about the man? He wasn’t going to meet him again, he just needed to stop.

“Ready to move?” Nathaniel asked through his microphones, now functioning after he clicked the button at the side of it.

“Yes, Sir. In three, two, one.”

And then the helicopter touched the ground.

“Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go,” Jean screamed, opening the door of the vehicle with a loud bang.

This part of the routine was always a little bit chaotic. 

Jack was there with his guns out at the airstrip, and somehow Thea was already on the ground too even though the helicopter was still shutting down, the propellers still running. They were both with guns on both hands at each side of the door of the helicopter, and Jean had jumped down already, looking at Nathaniel indicating that he should move quickly. He did so, jumping off immediately, and even with the deafening sound of the machine, he could hear Kevin and Wymack’s landing behind him.

They started running at the airstrip in the direction of the little airplane that would direct them back to Baltimore. Nathaniel could see multiple people from Knox’s tutelage that covered the security of the airport on the ground, at the Navigation Tower, and on the hangar with few other jets Nathaniel knew were Knox’s property, watching their journey in the diamond organization his companions formed around him, _protecting_ him. The red and gold uniforms with the X on the left sleeve was indicative enough of their loyalty, and even if Wesninski and Knox were allies for a good few years now, they still watched them with suspicion and didn’t move a finger to help them board with security, which was fair enough, Nathaniel knew. Especially considering the animosity his father had always shown to the Southern division of their business, for years trying to bypass them in sales and cruelty, even though the Knox’s never rose to the bait but still suffered from Nathan’s thirst for power. So, Jean’s worry about security was rather founded, making the guns and reinforced security reasonable, even more considering an event two years ago that left Nathaniel with a new gun wound and a prison warrant in Florida, when a wayward employee of Knox’s from the old days tried to bust them in the airport before they managed to get into the private jet.

They managed to get out of the situation in the end, and everything went rather well after that, the guilty ones had been found quickly to pay for their actions accordingly, by Knox’s associates and by the Wesninski’s. And as his job demanded, as head of Nathaniel’s security, Jean made sure of that from all ends. Thoroughly.

They jogged in silence and climbed the stairs to the plane, already running, quickly. Nathaniel went to the back of the vehicle, letting himself on to the comfy cashmere seats, and closed his eyes in exhaustion.

He just wanted a glass of whiskey, a cigarette, and Andrew’s dick up in his ass.

At least one of them he could have.

“Wymack,” Nathaniel grumbled, his eyes still closed as he felt the fur of the cashmere pulling him in. He almost felt the urge to purr with the comfiness, and he thought for a few seconds that being filthy rich was _good._ “Grab us a drink, please.”

“Guess that everyone needs it then,” Wymack murmured.

“Feel free to destroy my stash of whiskey, I don’t mind. After today and the last few weeks, we all more than deserve it.”

“We fucking do,” Kevin’s voice grumbled too in front of him, probably seated by now.

Nathaniel opened his eyes to see his friend and second in command in front of him in a similar cashmere seat, a table between them, with his thumb and forefinger rubbing his eyes in exhaustion. He looked good in his suit, but the paleness of his skin and the purple around his eyes said enough about how those weeks had not only affected Nathaniel but all of those around him. He hoped he could make it worth their while, in the end.

Wymack seated with a huff beside his son, four cups, and a full bottle of fifty-year-old whiskey on his hand.

“No ice? We’re going hard, huh?” Jean said lightly, his french accent thick with exhaustion, as he sat beside Nathaniel gracefully, probably after making sure the plane was secure and that Thea and Jack were fully equipped to start the piloting procedures so they could get out of Miami as quickly as possible.

Nathaniel still didn’t know how Jean found those twins, but their qualifications were amazing and he was glad to have them on his team every day since they were hired three years ago. Jack pilots airplanes, Thea pilots helicopters, and both of them are qualified in both of the vehicles to copilot the other. Besides that, they had flawless fighting and aim skills and were built of muscles and quick feet under their ebony skin and curly dark hair. They were intelligent, professional, and gorgeous, too. And, well, Nathaniel could always use a good view.

Jack’s ass especially was always something remarkable for him.

“As hard as we can in a two-hour flight and a mob boss to secure when we land,” Wymack is putting three fingers of the amber drink in each glass.

Nathaniel laughed lightly at Wymack’s remark, trying to reign in his too horny thoughts.

“Yeah, and I have tons of shit to do after we arrive at the Manor,” Nathaniel sighed, dreading his arrival.

“Mary will be waiting for us, you know that,” Kevin grabbed his own glass and sipped it.

“Oh, don’t remember me. I can’t deal with her right now,” Nathaniel gulped all his whiskey in a go.

“And why is that, you shit?” Wymack was eying him with his nonsense face.

“Because,” Nathaniel started after refilling his glass, not only sipping at it after the first shot burned through his core and eased the pain on his temples. “She will require Kevin and me to spit every single detail of the meeting so that she can complain about everything about it. I know Kevin wrote it all down, Knox’s words and mine, which makes this seem easier for a bit, but she is a bitch and she is going to bitch about it, claiming that I should have been more cautious and that maybe we should have thought another way, even though she knows that there is no _fucking_ another way.”

Nathaniel took a deep breath and closed his eyes, only to open them to the face of his friends looking at him with worry, since his words about Mary were harsher than usual. He and his mother had not the easiest of relationships, but they had an unbreakable partnership, and she is the only reason he is sane(ish) and alive today. They were a team and worked well together, so much that Nathaniel relied upon and sought her advice for almost everything his leadership of the North required. He loved her, she loved him — in their twisted and broken ways — and they had found a way to have this even after all they went through in Nathan’s hands. Everyone who coexists with them knows this.

It didn’t mean she wasn’t a bitch, though.

“You’re not wrong,” Kevin mumbled, his eyes on the table.

“I know I’m not,” Nathaniel rolled his eyes.

“Still, you two dickheads,” Wymack spitted. “You should be grateful. Mary is doing what she can to make sure this doesn’t blow in your faces. She might be a bitch, and she might go wrong about stuff, but she means well. You know that, you ungrateful fuck.”

Before he could say that this didn’t mean she wasn’t going to talk his brains out of him, Jean laughs lightly.

“You should tell Abby that, she would love to know,” Jean has a sly smile on his face and is refilling his glass.

Abby was the family doctor, a retired thief, and Wymack’s fiancé, and she was epically forever jealous of how close Wymack and Mary had become over the years, since Nathan’s death. It was laughable for multiple reasons, considering the scenes Nathaniel, Jean, and Kevin saw, but mostly because Mary sees Wymack as a brother and vice-versa. The woman didn’t give a fuck though. She only saw how the two of them worked too closely for her liking. It was like a Mexican telenovela but live and under the Manor’s roof. It was also the only reason Nathaniel still managed to laugh some days.

Kevin and Nathaniel were laughing lightly right now, already expecting Wymack’s reaction.

“You piece of shit—” Wymack started to say only to be interrupted.

“We’re ready to fly, Sir.” Jack’s voice was clear through the loudspeakers of the plane

“Fucking finally,” Nathaniel grumbled before thumbing on the button at his seat, which opened the communication between him and the piloting cabin. “Off we go, Jack.”

And they went home.

~

“Dad, let me! Please!” Thalia screeched one more time.

Andrew didn’t bat an eye. He had grown accustomed to her, and other people, using _the word_ a long time ago. 

“Sorry, kid. You know you can’t draw at Daddy’s office walls. You have your own wall for that, full of space,” Andrew said while still marking Mrs. Vervloet’s exam. Which was disappointing, to say the least. He needs to have a word with her about how much effort she is putting in his classes.

“But, daddy! Your office has a white wall. Right there!” Thalia pointed while using her best puppy eyes, and a pout on her rosebud lips.

Andrew sighed before turning on his seat to look square in his daughter’s green eyes, from where she was sitting on the floor beside his desk in his office at home.

“Sunflower, you need to understand. It’s no. And a no it’s a no, remember? You can draw in your room, but not in Daddy’s. Ok?” He said calmly.

His daughter pouted even more but sighed in defeat. She knew her dad wouldn’t turn around and say yes, she had already tested his resolution multiple times before. She still was clearly upset about not being able to draw at his wall, though.

“Okay, Daddy,” she turned to her draw on the carpet and continued coloring Peter Pan with a frown on her face.

This was basically their routine. Andrew would pick Thalia up at Aaron’s or Nicky’s, who would’ve picked her up at school and helped her through her homework since his class schedule didn’t let him do that. After coming home, they would cook dinner together — Andrew thought that cooking was something to be stimulated from childhood — before going up to bathe, and to play at her room when he didn’t have to do correct exams, in which case she would distract herself by his side, just like now. She was already so grown up with her eight years old, preferring table games than her dolls, so _smart_ and already showing signs of a personality that would drive Andrew insane in her teenage years. And sometimes he missed the times when she was only a baby, dependent on him and _so loving_ , even if those times were darker in many ways. She was his light then, and she was still his light now.

Andrew smiled softly at her curly blond hair — so much like her mother’s — and turned back to his marking, not before checking his phone for any missed calls or texts.

Nothing. 

Andrew wondered why he still hoped it would be different.

It has passed a month since his date with Neil and the man hasn’t sent even a word. And with midterms coming up quickly, Andrew didn’t have the time to go to Hellhound to see if he could catch the man there so they could _maybe_ go on a date again. Or just fuck would be fine by him too. Everything just so he could stop thinking about the way Neil moaned under him, their kisses, the glorious curve of Neil’s spine, the way Andrew’s hands fitted _just so_ on Neil’s waist... 

He thought before that he just needed to get Neil out of the system and that he deserved a good fuck. He wanted Neil, and Neil wanted him, so why deny himself? It would just satisfy his ghosts, and make him even more miserable. That was why he went on their date that day, despite all of what surrounded Neil’s self that made Andrew want to run as far away as he could. But, what he thought to be attraction and a good one night stand turned out to be this deep chemistry, that was formed by a delicious combination of kink and danger that made Andrew’s heart beat faster every time he thought about it. 

It was addictive, he realized too late. He had Neil in his hands, someone who seemed to understand what he wanted, _needed_ , for the first time, and now he couldn’t stop wanting _more._

He wasn’t certain about what he wanted more, though. It was the kink or was it _Neil_? Yeah, the man was great and they had all of _this_ that made him want Neil specifically for multiple reasons — like his looks, tattoos, and special kind of bratness — but he wasn’t irreplaceable. Andrew didn’t and couldn’t know him for real, since he was a criminal, and _that_ was a fucking problem, as much it was a relief. That meant emotional and personal distance, for which Andrew was grateful since, after all, it was sure that Neil was fit as fuck, but there were another fit subs out there that could please him, and even teach him to be a good Dom better than Neil probably would. And foremost, Andrew didn’t want to know or get involved in Neil’s shit in any way.

But then, this could be a problem too. Because he didn’t know the guy, and only saw him once, which wasn’t even nearly enough for him to have a grasp of what might be the answer to his deliberations. So, how could he be sure that what he had felt was _not_ a _Neil_ _thing_ if he only had been with him once? How could he be certain that he would be satisfied with someone else? How could he even begin to know what he wanted when Neil wasn’t there to throw it at his face or to pull it out of him with his mischievous smiles?

And that was what was fucking him up. This uncertainty. This wondering _what if_.

If he could have Neil once more — properly this time, and definitely _not_ in the hood of his fucking car — he would finally stop thinking too much once he got his answers. It would be fine, and Andrew would forget this ever happened after he made sure that he didn’t want _Neil_ , since that was the only option. After all, Neil was still a pipe dream, and there wasn’t a possibility in this world in which Andrew would let himself get involved with Neil. Not. At. All. So, he would get rid of his annoying _what-ifs_ by proving to himself that Neil would be only a _really good_ two-time fuck in his memories and that was it. He just wanted to forget the demi devil, so he could start to invest more time in his kink life and maybe even find a scene partner after he has taken the necessary courses, so he could actually enjoy himself during sex for once in his life. After having kink once, he couldn’t imagine himself without it. Ever again.

Not that he didn’t like vanilla, but it was just boring most of the time.

Besides all of that though, he told himself that it would be a waste of time to even be thinking about it so hard since the lack of Neil’s call only seemed to clarify the lack of interest on his part. So there was no use of thinking about him wanting Neil or the kink if Neil didn’t want him or what he could give him in the first place.

Except, Andrew was almost certain that this was not the case.

He had this feeling in his gut that told him that Neil was just being a proud man and that he was most likely busy in the way that somehow only crime bosses were from time to time. Andrew had dominated him and clouded his judgment in a way he probably had never been before, without paddles, hurt, or hands being raised. No, Andrew had played him without Neil even knowing and he responded to it beautifully, which might have not been good to his ego.

“Daddy,” Thalia’s voice came again and interrupted his wayward thoughts about Neil again.

Andrew sighed and picked up his pen to _really_ restart his marking again. He needed to work and thinking about Neil would do no good to him.

“Yes, sunflower?” Andrew mumbled under his breath. Mr. Padalecki needs a new tutor as soon as possible if these were the results of his study sessions.

“I need to eat, daddy.”

Oh, shit. He turned his head sharply and eyed the clock on his wall, which said that it was already late enough that Thalia would be craving a snack before bed. He had spent so much time on his own head that now he would have to stay awake till late so he could finish correcting this stack of assignments as quickly as possible.

Andrew sighed once more before turning to his daughter, who was frowning and looking at him with her ever-curious green eyes, and her little fists curled around her colored pencils.

“Let’s go. Time for your snack, and then bed,” he stood and took her stretched little hands so they could walk out of his office and down the stairs to their kitchen together. 

They parted at the doorstep, Thalia going straight to her high chair in the breakfast balcony, and he made a beeline to the fridge. He looked at its contents, analyzing how he needed to do grocery shopping soon, before deciding on giving her an apple and papaya. She needed to eat more fruit and not have the same diet as her father if she wanted to remain healthy. Or that was the shit her doctor told Andrew the last time they visited, and Aaron agreed, so he was making an effort.

He peeled the fruits before cutting it in little cubes that made it easier to eat before putting it in Thalia’s Iron Man plate — she was never a girl who liked princesses — so he could give it to her.

“Papaya!” Thalia smiled when she saw her snack ready and grabbed her spoon to eat while muttering a harmony only she knew. 

Yeah, so she liked fruit. At least that was a small glory in his life since Andrew didn’t know if he could have managed to advocate in favor of fruits in anyone’s life, even if he knew they were healthy. Convincing her would have been a catastrophe for she was always able to see through Andrew’s lies, and he couldn’t manage to lie to his little girl anyway.

Andrew sipped on his glass of water on his chair at the other side of the breakfast bar as he watched his daughter eating her fruits happily. She ate on her own for three years now, and she was already so grown it scared him. She was eight years old and he felt like time was slipping through his hands. He could still remember, vividly, the two of them making their way through the streets of Berlin, her little blond head poking out of the bundle of coats and fabric that he had enveloped her that morning, her baby smile lazy and bright in the winter sun. He remembered being scared then too. Scared of ruining that little life on his hands, so perfect and still so young. Of being forced to make the same mistakes in order to keep them afloat. Of not being able to be good enough to this tiny girl that was all smiles and curious touches through the face of her daddy. Of having a bad day and not being able to give her what she needed. Of being so broken that he couldn’t manage to love her the way she deserved. 

And even though those feelings still hunted him from time to time, that was all in the past now. He loved Thalia with all his heart, and he knew that even though he wasn’t perfect, he made his best to be a good parent to her. He went to meetings at school, revised her homework, played with her, and gave her attention every time he could. He protected her and reinvented himself so she could have the best life possible. He was there for her, he listened, and he talked to her. So, when his thoughts went dark and reminisced in a part of himself he didn’t want to remember, he remembered Bee and her oh-so-wise-advices. She always told him to look at the good and make it better, that the way you see things, is the way they are, and if you do not manage to see the good, then there won’t be any. So he tried. For Thalia, he tried.

“Finished, daddy,” Thalia mumbled. She seemed to be already falling asleep now that she had eaten her snack, her green eyes blinking slowly.

He stood from his chair and grabbed her plate before leaving it in the sink so he could wash it in the morning. He turned once again to his daughter and went around the bar so he could be beside her.

“C’mon, sunflower. Up,” Andrew told her softly, as he grabbed her by the armpits to carry her upstairs to her room. She went willingly and by the time they made it to her room, her breathing was already steady and slow on his neck.

He would miss having her in his arms, like this, when she grew up enough that she wouldn’t like it anymore. She was already becoming much more independent and he missed being able to hug his daughter without her wanting to turn and do something more interesting than hugging her daddy. 

_Oh, I'm already becoming old and bitter without even turning to thirty,_ he thought, amused with himself.

Having this routine, Andrew made sure to put her in her pajamas straight from her bath after she came home, so he didn’t have to deal with waking a cranky and whiny Thalia so she could put her sleeping clothes. So, Andrew just put his sleeping daughter carefully in her bed, tucking her under the cover and making sure her Kirby plushie was beside her and within reach of her hands.

“Sleep well, my star,” Andrew whispered as he kissed her forehead. He stood and left the room with silent steps, leaving the door slightly ajar so he could be able to listen if she woke up.

He walked to his office and sat on his chair with a huff. He looked at the stack of papers in front of him, waiting to be marked and corrected, and could already feel the exhaustion he would feel in the morning creeping on his bones when he was finished. He had a long night ahead of him. Looking to his sides, and attempting to organize the papers around his desk, he caught sight of his cellphone again, thrown in annoyance in the middle of the shit that cluttered the table. Silent, blank, and definitely not beeping with a new message from a strange number.

Andrew shook himself and began to work. Thinking about crime bosses with auburn hair and icy eyes wouldn’t make his marking done. He needed to finish this before the weekend if he wanted to have quality time with his little girl. And, maybe, a little bit of time for himself would be good too.

Hours passed before he finished though, even if he managed to be completely focused during the time. In times like this, Andrew regretted having so many classes, because it was _so much work_ that he always had to bring home, but then he looked around himself and saw what he _had_ managed to accomplish — always pushing himself through long work hours and many sleepless nights — and everything was worth it. To give his daughter the best life she could have, he would do whatever. Thankfully, _whatever_ this time was within legality, unlike his teenage years. He could already see the reward around him and also in the future, as he was building — in a steady but slow pace — an emergency fund just in case anything happened to him and his daughter needed the money, plus another fund for his daughter so she could to go to college or do whatever she wanted to do. Mostly, he was saving and working hard so she could have the options he didn’t have. And that was enough to make his wrists aching with long hours of work, fade to the background of his mind.

When he finally put his marking pen down, he saw on his clock on the wall that it was well past two a.m. Well, if he intended to wake up in a somewhat acceptable hour to feed Thalia breakfast before she went to class he needed to go to sleep sooner than later. She slept thoroughly when he didn’t wake her up, but even she had limits, and if she slept too much, Andrew’s day would be infinitely more complicated with her restless energy. Besides, he wanted to go to the gym and train for a bit before going to his class in the morning, which he wouldn’t be able to if he took much longer, even if he still had a few things to do. But that could be done tomorrow night or after. It was still only Monday after all.

Actually Tuesday, but whatever.

Andrew slowly got up, trying to blink away the fogginess of sleep already trying to cloud his mind, and made his way to his bedroom, just across from Thalia’s. He crossed his room and walked to his suite, already climbing out of his work clothes so he could have a quick shower before bed. Under the water though, he stalled. The heat of the cascade above him relaxed his sore muscles, tired from being sat all day and stiff from being hunched in a bad posture for the last few hours in his haste to get everything done. He relaxed so much, massaging his own scalp with his coconut shampoo and rinsing away the long day from him with soap, that he found himself letting his mind spiral to his earlier thoughts of Neil and his recent discoveries about himself.

He wanted to follow his gut and trust that Neil was only being proud and cracky, he truly did, but consent was something that mattered too much to him. He needed to be sure Neil wanted him before he even suggested anything. But even before he decided how to act upon getting _that_ answer, he needed to research a few things so he could enjoy his one last time with Neil to the fullest, if he managed to have it. He needed to plan and discover what he liked and wanted in a scene, and what he could do with no training at all but his instincts, perfect memory, and attentiveness. He needed to strategize, to study, and to do this _responsibly._ He knew BDSM was no joke and that he needed to treat this with seriousness. Dominance requires that. But, oh he was _willing._

As he made his mind, he realized that his shower was turning colder by the second, so he quickly shut down the tap and got out. He dried himself efficiently, brushed his teeth, and went to bed as naked as the day he was born. Thalia didn’t have the habit of walking into his bedroom, so he could do that just fine without the worry of traumatizing his child.

The towel on his hips fell to the ground as he crawled under his covers. As Andrew made himself comfortable, he realized, right before sleep took him, that now, marking his student’s exams won’t be the only thing keeping him occupied till the next Saturday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Hope you guys liked it. Please, leave me some comments about you guys theories about wtf is happening in this, it would make me soooooooo happy to see it. 
> 
> See you next Friday!


	5. no coming back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first of many.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, hi.
> 
> This chapter was A BITCH to write and I'm SO PISSED because what was supposed to be one of my favorite chapters became translated to a ton of work on my mind. It took me almost two weeks just to write it and then I had to revise it multiple times before I got it ~rightish~ and now I don't even know if I did this chapter justice, but I'm tired, it's Friday and I wanted to MOVE THE FUCK ON to the next chapters. So this is the result and I'm really sorry if it's crap but I just hope you like it either way.
> 
> Shout out to my beta, that goes by moonqueerdom here in AO3, by @legitblackthorn on twitter, and by @thewickeddevil on Tumblr, because they had to keep listening to me whine about this chapter and also because they were the reason I had to revise and edit this so many times in hopes to get this right. It was tiring but they had good intentions so be it.
> 
> This is another smutty chapter. Like. Explicit smutty smut. Sex. Lots of it. If that's not your rodeo... You know what to do.
> 
> Now, to the T.Ws!  
> T.WS: BDSM, bondage, smut, anal sex, rimming, sensory deprivation, mentions of gore, mentions of torture, mentions of aggression, behavioral psychological dissociation according to situations or places. 
> 
> I think that's it. If there are any mistakes concerning English (it's not my first language, I'm Brazilian) or even concerning sensitive topics that you think I mistreated, or in BDSM if any of you is more versed in this beauty than me, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. 
> 
> So, yeah. Hope you guys like it!

The laughter and the music were loud in Nathaniel’s ears as he sipped his whiskey.

Matt was talking about his last race and Dan was smiling fondly at him as they drank and talked while sitting around a tiny circular table near the pool ones at Hellhound Hole. Allison was there as well, — without Seth since that day Nathaniel scared him out — and was complaining about her last customer for fake IDs, who Dan seemed to know too from the club she worked as a stripper along with Allison. Jean and Kevin were there too, but they were in The Room, and probably working on completely reeking it with the smell of sex. 

Everything was fine. 

It was a good night.

“I can’t even believe that Neil bet on the other guy, like, that race was so mine from the beginning,” Matt said with faux-indignation and a huge smile on his face as he talked to his girlfriend.

“I can’t always bet on you Matt, you know that’s bad for business,” Nathaniel answered with a grin of his own.

“Bullshit,” Matt gulped his beer. “You just don’t want anyone to know I’m your favorite.”

Nathaniel rolled his eyes fondly at the man.

“Exactly, Matt. Because that’s bad for my business.”

“I really don’t understand how winning can be bad for business, bro. Really,” Matt slapped the table they were sitting around for dramatic effect.

“Because,” Dan replied with a high eyebrow at her boyfriend. “He has more racers than you under his belt, hon. And you don’t always win. Besides, you only participate in the city races, Neil has people through all the state, at least.”

Nathaniel inclined his drink in her direction, granting her the point. It was because of that after all, and even though Matt was his best racer from afar, he still needed more people. He had an empire to take care of even if that was not proportional to even 1% of his illegal income. It was more for politics than anything else, actually. 

“I was thinking about that, the other day,” Allison said as she sipped her martini. “How it’s weird that we are friends with Neil if he is like, even if indirectly, our boss.”

Nathaniel rolled his eyes and drank more of his whiskey.

“It’s not, I’ve already told you that—”

“That you’re friends with your employees, etc etc. Yeah, we know,” Allison rolled her eyes and crossed her legs, her toned thighs exposed by the miniskirt she was using and more evident because of the heels she used everywhere. “It doesn’t mean it isn’t weird, boss.”

Her smile was sharp on the edges. Matt and Dan laughed and nodded in accordance with her.

“It is, a little bit,” Dan sipped her vodka cranberry. “But Neil here is a baby, I mean. Look at him.”

“As if his looks could fool anyone,” Allison rolled her eyes and tapped her acrylic nails on the table. “He is the Butcher, hon, even if he looks like an angel.”

“Hey. Hello. My name is Neil and I’m right here. Hi. Stop talking about me in front of me,” Nathaniel smiled fondly and exasperated at them.

“But it’s so much fun,” Matt laughed at him and clapped his giant hands on Nathaniel’s shoulder. He turned to the girls with a wide nostalgic smile on his face. “Do you guys remember when we all became friends?”

“Oh, yeah,” Dan laughed, throwing her head back. “That day was amazing.”

“I’ll never forget it,” Allison said, tilting her head as if she was looking far away, but her look of smug satisfaction was evident on her face. “The look on Steve’s face when Neil arrived was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Right? He was so full of shit back then. I’m glad every day that Neil came down that day. What else could have happened…” Dan’s face now was preoccupied. 

Nathaniel remembered that night clearly. It had been a year after he had taken his father down and assumed his position. He had already captivated the loyalty of the majority of his people before he had even become head of the North but there were still some people that wanted Nathan’s cruel administration back. Steve was one of those people, but furthermore, he was also the manager of one of the strip clubs under the Wesninski name around Baltimore, the Stargaze, which was the one Dan was working at the time and still worked till this day. 

That night, Nathaniel had been full of Steve’s shit. He had been handling those wayward followers of his father throughout the whole year and in all the North region as well. He was tired. That had been a period full of violence and blood, and he just wanted it to end so he could start more important projects than reinforce his authority. He had to deal with the Moriyama’s already — and God knew they were a pain in the ass — and he still didn’t have Jean and Kevin by his side then, so he had to rely and on Mary to hold a few of his loose ends and on Lola to manage his security and the executions that needed to be done if _coercion_ wasn’t enough. She had liked it and was good at it, at least. Before she started fucking up, anyway. So, yeah. Nathaniel’s tiredness was a euphemism to what he was feeling that night. 

He had felt on edge after having managed so much violence in such a short period of time and, instead of wanting to stop, he just wanted to keep pushing through more. Violence had started to seem like the only way for him to deal with everything that was happening. The more he provoked or used, the more he craved. It was a cycle. If he didn’t have his mother back then, he strongly believed he would have become a more tame copy of his father after that year.

So, he had arrived at the club a little bit after midnight. It was on full swing and the dancers were everywhere, luring the crowd to give them more money. Nathaniel had death on his eyes after he had discovered what Steve had been up to in there and his trained eyes could see a few purple marks on the dancer’s skin as he passed by them on his way to Steve’s office, on the back, and all the way down a corridor after a door that said: “Employees Only”. Lola followed him quietly since she already knew the motive of their visit, and Nathaniel could feel that she was already thrumming with the perspective of a good session of torture ahead of her, the sadistic bitch. 

Nathaniel didn’t knock on the door. He just kicked it open once he realized it was locked and when he had processed the scene inside the room, all the rage and tiredness inside himself faded to a dull, numb resemblance of himself, deprived of any emotion. After feeling on edge for so long, it was a relief to be in that headspace for a little bit, the one he reserved for when he _couldn’t_ let himself feel. It felt quiet and was better than the almost manic state that he had been, even though he enjoyed it sometimes. It had its uses.

Dan and Allison were inside that room. At the time, he didn’t know who they were, just that there were two young women in there and that one of them had just received a slap on the face, Dan if the way she held her bruised-stained-with-tears cheek was any indication, while the other, Allison, was screaming at Steve something that Nathaniel didn’t register. The noise from his kick on the door had interrupted them. 

When he saw Steve’s eyes widening in fear, he didn’t feel anything.

“You two. Out,” Nathaniel mumbled and stared dead-eyed at them.

Thankfully for them and to their future friendship, both of them just went out without saying a thing. They just collected their bags and ran out of there, and maybe that had something to do with Lola behind him playing with a knife, but he wasn’t feeling up to checking it. When they were gone, Nathaniel closed the door.

Afterward, the numbness lingered. Their _talk_ had been productive as it often did when he had brought Lola to this type of situation — and it was in those times that Nathaniel asked himself if that was the reason Nathan had lost himself on the blood path — for that she knew how to _coerce_ people professionally since she was twenty. So he used it in his favor and made sure to keep things clear about what he thought about Steve’s authority issues, and how things wouldn’t go well for Steve if he even dared to touch or raise his voice to one of his dancers one more time. Nathaniel didn’t condone this shit in innocent people, and even more on the hardworking ones that made money for him, even if indirectly. 

Nathaniel wouldn’t tolerate his shit anymore and if Steve left that day with a toe missing, no one would ever know.

He made his way out of the bloody room with Lola on his back and Steve screaming still echoing in the hall. They left the man behind with orders to clean after himself and made their way to the bar. He needed a fucking drink. 

Nathaniel sat on one of the empty stools and a whiskey appeared before him instantly.

“Junior, Romero is outside waiting.”

“Go.”

Lola went without questioning. She knew he was tired and even mocked him for it sometimes even though he was still her boss. Sometimes she forgot it and needed a reminder, but that night she mercifully just shut up and went to wait with her brother outside the club. 

He sat alone and stared blindly at the wood on the counter of the bar, the fire of the whiskey on his throat the only thing he felt.

“S-sir,” a trembling voice behind him took him out of his empty thoughts.

He turned around and glanced up to find Dan and Allison looking determined but a little nervous. Not even a slight ounce of fear was in their demeanors though and that was what made him listen to them.

“Ladies,” he had said nonchalantly.

Allison smiled a little at that but said nothing, and Dan thanked him for arriving at that time, stopping Steven from doing worse, her face was serious under the strobe lights. And he knew what could have happened, and what had already happened to the dancers in that place, so his feeling of guilt for allowing it to keep it going for so long made him ask Dan for some more information about her experience at the club and how it changed after his administration started. From that, he didn’t know how the conversation transitioned to Allison criticizing his clothes without a care that he could rip her throat for that, to Matt arriving to pick Dan from work and telling him he was looking for a job without shame, and for Dan introducing him to her stage sisters while calling him Neil, claiming it was much better than Nathaniel — which he kind of agreed and used it for his more social interactions to this day. 

They were totally unfazed that he was the Butcher.

He remembered seeing himself smile from the mirror of his suite when the night ended.

“Oh, Neil would have dealt with that sooner than later,” Matt’s voice in the present snapped him from the memories.

“Sure, he needed to,” Dan claimed. “But it was still good that it was that day. Actually,” she turned to Nathaniel with a confused face. “I haven’t seen Lola around anymore. Where is she?”

He smiled and finished his whiskey before answering.

“Not around.”

“Oh, thank God,” Allison clipped in with a satisfied smile of her own. “Don’t know why you kept her for so long. That bitch deserved that from the beginning.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Dan smiled and sipped on her vodka along with Allison. Even Matt drank to that.

Lord knows that if Nathaniel had any whiskey left he would have too.

“I needed her till I didn’t anymore, and that’s what it is for you to know.”

“We’re glad,” Matt said with a relieved expression.

Honestly, Nathaniel never thought he would have found people that he could be friends with that could disregard his profession so blandly. Sure, they were all working on some level of illegality, but not like him. He was a murderer, a torturer, their boss, the head of a huge crime organization, _and_ an associate — if not something else — to a much larger one. He ticked everything on the “Not be Friends with this Guy” book and yet. 

And yet. 

Obviously, he had Jean and Kevin, but they were more family than friends by now and they had seen and done just as much as him, so they didn’t really count. Matt, Dan, and Allison were different though, and even if he couldn’t share everything about himself or about his life with them, he felt glad that he had managed to keep them into his life so far, even if from a calculated distance. Their easy acceptance for that was what made Nathaniel see that he had made the right decision on engaging in a conversation with them that night and on the others that followed. They were good people and he liked drinking the night away with them in his spare time at Hellhound, or even at Stargaze to watch the girls dance. 

And during those weeks he had been away, stuffed to his gut with work and trying to work out _Andrew_ on his mind, he had kind of missed them.

“Yeah, I am too. But I need more whiskey to celebrate that properly,” Nathaniel said as he stood.

“As if you haven’t celebrated Lola-bye already. We know you did, little shit,” Dan pointed at him with her eyebrows furrowed. “And, honestly, I’m a little bit angry that you didn’t wait for us to do it, but we haven’t seen each other for ages. So, I guess I can forgive you.”

“Speak for yourself, I won’t forgive him,” Allison kept sipping on her martini with a sarcastic smirk.

“Well, I won’t apologize for celebrating the moment I got rid of the cow. But I apologize for being away for so long. I dare say I kind of missed you guys,” Neil had an eyebrow arched and a fond smile on his face.

“Oh, my God. Did Neil just say he felt something? This day is historical!” Matt beamed and laughed at Neil’s eye roll.

“Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny, Matthew Boyd. Now, if you excuse me, I need to get a new drink so I can continue to put up with you lot.”

“Say it, Neil. You love us. Just admit that your crime boss life wouldn’t be the same without us,” Allison was practically bouncing at having an opportunity to make fun of him.

He really liked her. She had balls.

“Oh, it definitely wouldn’t be the same. It would be better,” Nathaniel smirked. But before she could reply anything, he turned around and finally made his way to the bar to get a new drink.

As he was walking through the crowd though, he stopped awe-struck. 

There at the bar, wearing tight jeans on muscular legs and nothing but a leather jacket on his torso, exposing a bare, muscled chest, was Andrew.

Andrew had a can with what was probably beer on his hand and he was sitting on a barstool talking with Roland with that blank but still expressive face of his. His hair was disheveled _just right_ , he had no glasses on, and he was using skinny jeans that were so tight that it left almost nothing for the imagination — not that Nathaniel needed that, he knew what was under there and _oh,_ he salivated. To make things worse, the look was topped with combat boots on his feet, and Nathaniel knew instantly that he was fucked. Andrew looked nothing like he had when they met or even during their date, and yet, his magnetic aura seemed to be only amplified by this change of style.

Nathaniel battled with himself. He wasn’t even slightly drunk, but he felt his mind fogged by desire as he continued to look his fill of the _gorgeous_ man a few steps away from him. He always felt kind of out of sorts when near Andrew, and even though he enjoyed submitting more than almost any other thing in his life — and that the whole point of submitting was giving up control to someone you trusted to take care of you — he didn’t like the feeling of being so helpless when he wasn’t trying to be. He had never intended to have submitted to Andrew’s wishes the way he did that night and he had never intended to have trusted him enough to let him play with his mind without second-guessing. Mostly because he still hadn’t managed to run a background check on Andrew before their date due to everything that was happening with work, and because he didn’t _know_ him enough. Plain and simple. And seeing that Andrew, who was unpracticed and untrained, still was such a devious, natural, and caring Dom did something on him, so much that he had decided those weeks before now that he didn’t like it, and that he didn’t want that in his life. And yeah, that was mainly was because of is hurt pride, but also because Kevin reminded him later that he didn’t know who Andrew was, what were his ties with Nathan’s late administration, and that if he could do that to Neil so easily when not even Nathan had managed to force him into anything, this could be dangerous for business and for himself. But seeing Andrew now, so at ease on his new outfit, everything was being put into a new perspective.

Nathaniel prided himself on being able to read people well. He was trained for that, to see danger inside someone’s eyes and to look for bad intentions on their body language, and even though he could definitely see darkness in Andrew, his intentions were honest and good. It was written all over him that he was a good person. And he found long ago that it was always wise to follow his gut instincts.

His gut instincts told him to throw himself at Andrew, ride him through the weekend, and fuck that he couldn’t help his submission to the man.

But, well. He still had his pride hurt.

Walking the rest of the path to the bar, Nathaniel tried to pretend he hadn't seen Andrew.

Kyle, one of the bartenders, put his whiskey in front of him immediately as he approached the wood balcony.

“Here you go, boss.”

“Thanks, Kyle,” Nathaniel said, already sipping his drink.

It didn’t take even a minute.

“Hello, stranger,” Andrew’s voice said beside him.

Oh _, that voice._

Nathaniel turned and faked surprise at seeing Andrew with a gasp and wide eyes. Andrew didn’t seem to buy it though. It was nice to see he could cut through Nathaniel’s bullshit only barely knowing him. It was good quality for a Dom... 

_For fuck’s sake, Nathaniel, take your mind out of the gutter._

“Hello, Andrew. Fancy seeing you here,” Nathaniel smiled wickedly.

“Really?” Andrew’s head was inclined and he had an amused glint on his eyes.

Nathaniel tried really, _really_ hard not to let his eyes wander from Andrew’s face to his exposed pecs. 

He failed.

“Oh, really,” he said in almost a purr, already losing control of his flirty streak when confronted with such a _fine_ view.

“Didn’t know if I would be welcomed,” Andrew sat on the stool beside Nathaniel, who was standing, with an open can of soda on his hands. 

_Wait, soda?_

Interesting.

“And why is that?” Nathaniel guarded the information of Andrew’s choices of drinks for later.

“Because you didn’t call.”

“I was busy,” he winked at Andrew who seemed to be reigning a small smile from slipping from his standard blank face.

“Too busy for a mere teacher, I see,” Andrew downed what seemed to be the rest of his soda, left the can on top of the wood, and hopped off the stool he had just sat in. With that movement, he was now near Nathaniel. Just near enough for his body heat to slap Nathaniel full on the face, along with a delicious fragrance that was perfectly mixed with the smell of leather of the jacket on his shoulders. Andrew looked inside Nathaniel’s eyes, and well. That man knew how to create an environment. “I’ll get out of your way then. Good night, Neil.”

Andrew turned and took a step before Nathaniel made the choice of a lifetime.

“Wait.”

Nathaniel knew Andrew was fucking with him, walking away like that, but deep in his gut, he felt that if he had let Andrew walk away then, he wouldn’t see him ever again. And he didn’t like that, not even a bit.

Andrew turned and arched an eyebrow as if prompting Nathaniel to speak.

Nathaniel smirked and rested his cup still full of whiskey on the counter.

“I might be busy but that doesn’t mean I want you out.”

“What does that mean?” The corner of Andrew’s mouth quirked up. “You need to tell me.”

He was fucking with Nathaniel again. He wanted him to say it? Well, Nathaniel had no intention to make it easy to Andrew as well.

“It means I might be persuaded,” Nathaniel had a shit-eating grin on his face. He just couldn’t resist throwing this at Andrew and waited to see the dare twisting Andrew’s insides till his inner Dom came out to play, all due to _his_ provocations. 

He shouldn’t have done that though. He wasn’t prepared for the results.

“You might, or do you want to be persuaded, Neil?” Andrew took the step closer and his eyes darkened as he looked inside Nathaniel’s, with his voice a tone deeper and his posture changing slightly.

Nathaniel had to take a deep breath and to swallow before he managed to gather enough willpower to keep playing and not throw himself at Andrew, who had trapped Nathaniel inside his golden irises, molten from lust and the desire to make Nathaniel break on the best way possible. He shouldn’t have provoked, but fuck if he was going to let himself turn in to putty like that.

“Persuade me, Andrew.”

His voice didn’t waver, and he almost had thanked the gods for this small mercy when Andrew’s face split in a _filthy_ smile, filled with promises and a dark lidded gaze that almost made Nathaniel’s knees buckle.

_Why the fuck did Nathaniel have to be like that? Why? Why did he do this kind of thing to himself? Why did he put himself in this kind of situation?_

Some would say it was a lack of self-love or only lack of survival instincts, but the truth was that he just couldn’t help it. He was deep in the headspace in which he was a little shit and a flirt and now he was paying for all of his sins because of it. As he watched all his resolve to not involve himself with Andrew flow out of the window and the man himself reaching for his own trousers at the same time, he became certain of it.

Andrew unbuckled his belt and as he freed it from the holes on his tight pants he looked up at Nathaniel again. Without looking he started to fold his belt this way and that, till what he had on his hands was…

Oh, fuck.

“Yes or no?”

Nathaniel gulped on thin air. 

He looked around himself to see that none of the patrons looked at them. For a few seconds, he had forgotten they were in a bar, filled with his employees, and he could see that what Andrew planned to do would be a much more public display than what his usual dates were. He turned back and looked inside Andrew’s irises, that were expectant but not at all pushing, to properly think about what he was being asked for while trying to not let his desire cloud his judgment. 

He got the feeling that if he told Andrew “no” right now this would be the end of only _that_ approach, and that then Andrew would do something else to try to persuade him. The game wouldn’t be over, he became certain, when he saw the understanding in Andrew’s eyes that this might be too much and that it was ok if he didn’t want this to be that public.

The thing was that, maybe, Nathaniel was a little bit exhibitionist. And only the idea of what Andrew was intending to do with that belt was more than enough to persuade him and make him want to say _fuck everything_ , but still, he needed to consider this seriously. His penchant for kink wasn’t unheard of around town, since he used to go frequently to a few of the best BDSM clubs all around the East Coast but would this experience with Andrew be worth it? To risk being undermined in the eyes of those who didn’t comprehend that submission didn’t mean weakness? To show a vulnerability unplanned and unthought, with unknown consequences in the long-term? There were people around that would certainly think less of him if he gave Andrew permission.

Nathaniel thought for a few minutes: on the pros and cons of the situation; on possible outcomes; on strategies and resources he might need to use if all of this went bad; and he did all of that while staring intensely into Andrew’s eyes, who never stopped looking at him with the same desire and understanding, which were unyielding even as time stretched by.

The decision was easy, after all.

“Yes,” Nathaniel grinned and watched amazed as Andrew transformed himself before him.

Something dark and different took the front of Andrew’s eyes in the place of the desire and the understanding of only a few seconds before. The lust was there, but masked under the now authoritative and hard figure of control Andrew had put on. 

It was hot as fuck.

Andrew closed the mild distance between them to the point their fronts were almost glued. He looked up at Nathaniel, who were only mere inches taller, and asked quietly.

“Limits?”

 _Already?_ Nathaniel had had an idea of what Andrew wanted to do with what he had on his hands, but now he was reconsidering.

Nathaniel saw himself whispering in response to the intensity.

“Hard limits are degradation or humiliation, tiny spaces, knives, blood, fire play, and loud noises, besides the ones from any toys that might be used in a scene. Soft limits are water play, bareback, and thermic play, but I can do and enjoy all of those with discussion in advance. I can tell you more when we’re alone.” 

Andrew nodded and lifted his hand that had the collar made of his own belt.

“You aren’t allowed to speak from the moment I put this collar on you, only when asked something directly or when I revoke this order, and you will only refer to me as Master or Sir. If you need to gain my attention, you're allowed to touch my arms and nothing else. One tap with your fingers for the attention, and two to stop whatever I’m doing. This will change during the night and I’ll explain my limits to you later. Got it?” Fuck, Nathaniel was almost shaking with the tone Andrew was using, his eyes never wavering from his own. He nodded dumbly from the tension and made himself repeat in his head the rules he had to follow for the night. “Do you need to take care of anything before we start?”

Why would he have to do… Oh, yeah, he was a crime boss.

“Yeah, one second,” Nathaniel grabbed his phone from his back pocket.

**_To: Totally Spies!_ **

_N.A.W: I’m going to fuck. Don’t wait for me._

_Mother Hen: Keep your localization app online._

_N.A.W: Shouldn’t you and Jean be fucking?_

_Frenchie Enchie: We are ;)_

_N.A.W: How the fuck?_

_Mother Hen: It's great thanks for asking._

_N.A.W: YUP BYE_

He shook his head at his friends' antics and locked his phone before tucking it back on his pocket and looking at Andrew, who seemed serene, dangerous, and totally at ease for what was his first-ever scene. 

Nathaniel couldn’t wait to see where this night was going to end. 

“Ready?” Nathaniel smirked with what he knew was a dare on his eyes. He couldn’t help to tease.

Andrew didn’t answer though. Not with words. He had his head inclined to look at Nathaniel, and his eyes were tracing his face with a dark look that felt like fire on Nathaniel’s skin. When he found what he needed, whatever that was, he inclined himself further and pecked Nathaniel’s lips with a quick but lingering kiss that made an almost whine slip from Nathaniel’s throat.

He lifted the collar once again and undid it, transforming it in only a belt one more time. Nathaniel didn’t understand what was happening until Andrew’s fingers tilted his head upwards. He maintained himself that way and waited as Andrew worked around his neck, buckling and twisting the belt till it was now a collar again, only now it was closed Nathaniel’s neck with a stripe of it dangling out, like a leash.

Oh.

“Ok?” Andrew asked, his face serious as he eased his fingers inside the circle of leather to see if it was too tight around Nathaniel’s throat and to see how he was breathing. It was amazing to see how he looked in control with close to none experience, and how he was attentive. Nathaniel felt himself almost slipping to that place on his mind in which he could drift, give, and trust. It would only take a nudge in the right direction.

He nodded.

“Remember to behave. Let’s get you out of here, pet,” Andrew smirked slightly before schooling his expression and turning to the crowded room that was now paying attention to them.

Andrew tugged on the collar’s tongue and they started to walk. The pressure on Nathaniel’s throat was driving him up to the wall, the tightness making him almost whine with pleasure and also making him relax further under Andrew's dominance. He felt owned in the best way possible, even if his people around them looked scared and even amused at the scene they made as they made their way to the door.

“Oh, my God.”

“Is that Neil?”

“Jesus, who is this guy?”

“I don’t know who he is but if he is doing that to the Butcher…”

“Sexy as hell.”

“You go, boss!”

The whispers turned to laugh and to “woohoo’s” of encouragement. It was better than he had expected, and Nathaniel could see the muscles of Andrew’s back relaxing a bit, indicating he had been prepared for something worse as well. He even waved mockingly to the people, and Nathaniel would've done that too if he wasn’t already so caught up on the feeling around his throat and the pull of Andrew’s improvised leash, guiding him outside in what seems forever and no time at all. He manages to smirks though and winks to his group of friends in the back who are all with their chins on the floor with shock.

“You slut! I adore you!” Allison screamed and laughed from afar.

“But Neil is a baby,” Matt looked _so_ lost.

“Honey, you know what he does for a living right?” Dan was smiling wickedly at Nathaniel and gave him a thumbs up after that.

He could do nothing but walk behind Andrew and smile at them, his hands feeling trapped by his sides by the initial haze of his submission, that was already stunning him from how fast it was slipping through his mind with so little stimulation. 

When they got outside and the door closes behind them, the wind was just chill enough to soothe Nathaniel’s rapidly heating skin. They walked a few steps, just out of the reach of the bar and the viewing rage of its windows before Andrew stopped and turned to him, his hands still tight on Nathaniel’s leash/collar. 

“Alright?”

Nathaniel nodded, remembering the rule to not speak.

“Good. We are going to my car and I’ll drive us to a place where we can do this properly,” Andrew’s face was serious and carefully blank but there was just as much excitement on his eyes as there was on Nathaniel’s. “If there is anything you want me to know or for me to answer before we get there and we talk about safewords, my own limits, and stuff, tell me now.”

Taking a moment to really think about it, Nathaniel inclines his head and regards Andrew’s face under the lamp posts.

“Where are you taking me?” He manages to say quietly, thinking that Kevin would be proud that he thought to at least ask before arriving at whatever place Andrew took them.

“To Velvet,” Andrew said and a small smile appeared at the corner of his mouth as Nathaniel grinned in earnest, a little dazed. He really liked Velvet. “You like it there?”

“Very much, Master.”

It slipped. Nathaniel hadn’t meant to use it yet, but he did. And he couldn’t find in himself to regret it when he saw the shiver that went through Andrew’s body at the word. The air now was electrified and Andrew seemed feral, the amused smile on his lips gone and substituted with a bitten lower lip that _did not_ make Nathaniel whine. Andrew’s eyes had immediately grown darker and he looked like a god under the lights of the street, all angles, shadows, and molten gold. His grip on the leather tongue of Nathaniel’s collar now was that much tighter, and he pulled Nathaniel closer to him, their breaths now mingling.

“Good to know, gorgeous. You’ll be a good boy for me today, aren’t you?” Andrew’s nose rubbed Nathaniel’s in a caress.

Nathaniel might be a slut for pain but he also was a slut for tenderness, simply for the fact that it was something so rare in his life that he cherished it every time there was a Dom that saw his brattiness for the undercover praise kink that it was. He liked it rough, and he liked being difficult, but _damn_ he _loved_ being a good boy sometimes too. For those who deserved, at least. And that was why he moaned ever so slightly at Andrew’s words and nodded, before smiling wickedly with fake bashfulness.

“I’ll try, Master.”

“That’s all I ask, baby,” Andrew pecked his lips and turned again so they could continue their journey, Andrew always a step further than Nathaniel. That something that normally he would challenge but not today. He didn’t want to.

They made it to the car in no time. Andrew opened the door for Nathaniel and told him to stay still before closing it and making it to the driver’s seat. Their drive was filled with a comfortable, but expectant and tense, silence. Nathaniel was filled with a sense of peace that he felt only a few other times before, without the urge to fill the air with unimportant words, as he stared out of the window and the lights of his city ran through them. Soon enough they entered a parking lot behind the BDSM club. Andrew parked the car and turned to him, his expression serious, and his voice low, authoritative.

“Alright?”

“Yes, Master.”

Andrew’s hand reached for his chin and grabbed it between his forefinger and thumb while looking so deep into his eyes that Nathaniel almost shivered with the intensity. His attention was all to the man in front of him, who looked deadly serious.

“Our scene today will be light, but no less intense and important in all aspects. It’s my first time doing this and I need to know if there's something that I’m doing that is wrong. I’ll need your help on this, Neil. We have to explicitly communicate. You must be honest and you must tell me all about how, why, and what you’re feeling when I ask you. I’ll check up on you constantly, and you will follow my rules and answer to everything I ask you. I want to be a good Dom for you tonight, Neil, but you need to help me by being a good sub too. You will trust me with your body, with your mind, and you will trust me to make my first time good for _you_. In return for that trust, I’ll trust you to tell me to stop if you need it. If you can’t do this because of your bratty tendencies or any other reason, you may walk away now and I’ll never search for you again. This is your last chance.”

Nathaniel gulped with the complete seriousness of Andrew’s eyes and tone, snapping a little bit back from the slight daze he had fallen to because of, well, Andrew. It was time to think seriously again — he was doing that a lot that evening — and not to hurry things up.

It scared him how much he had already trusted Andrew that night and how much he wanted to trust more. 

He had already walked out of Hellhound on a leash, displaying to everyone a side of himself that he had never shown to anyone but his family and other partners. He had talked to Andrew again in the first place, even after weeks of convincing himself that he wouldn’t anymore. And even if it was his asshole instincts that guided him to provoke the blond and to talk to him again after being approached, from the moment Andrew asked him “yes or no”, it turned out to be a completely different thing that had led him to say “yes”. 

His inner sub had screamed that Andrew deserved his submission — without the blond even doing anything — from the moment he had laid his eyes on him. But how could he trust such a thing? So he didn’t. But then, he had seen Andrew on that stool of the bar looking like a delicious piece of meat and every cell of his body immediately felt that sense of safety — _wasn’t that funny for a crime lord?_ — and addictive authority that surrounded Andrew while clouding Nathaniel’s judgment since the first moment they met. And that was scary as shit but he had decided to follow this insane instinct when he had answered “yes” because he knew that sometimes his gut was right even if he didn’t like it. Even though it was unwise, reckless, and his little Brat side screamed in objection, he did it and as he looked at Andrew now, he would do it again. He wouldn’t turn back now, mostly due to the fact he knew there was no coming back from this — he would go crazy with wondering how this night could have gone if he had stayed and he would certainly do something stupid because of that — even though Andrew still tried to give him an option.

“I understand. I agree and I’ll stay.”

Andrew didn’t smile but he was openly pleased. He opened the door of the car, picked a backpack in the backseat, and got out without saying anything. Before Nathaniel could do the same, Andrew was already on the other side, opening his door and tugging Nathaniel outside by the leather tongue of his collar belt.

Nathaniel stood, the door was closed and Andrew pressed him against the metal of the car behind his back, letting the mysterious backpack fall to the ground. They were close, their bodies touching and Andrew’s leg between his own. He already felt out of breath with the lack of distance, the tightness in his throat now more prominent, and the pressure more insistent on his skin by Andrew’s grip on the leash. Andrew was looking deep inside his eyes and the lust on them could burn a whole forest.

Nathaniel had never felt so wanted.

“Do you remember,” Andrew whispered in the thin distance between their lips. “How I fucked you on the hood of this car? How I kissed your body? How I pushed so slowly inside of you that you squirmed? How I fucked you and how you could feel every inch of me?” He inclined his head and started to whisper just above his ear, the hot air and the ever so slight press of his lips on the sensitive skin making Nathaniel moan quietly as he remembered the moments Andrew revived in his head, his eyes shuttering close and his body warmed up from Andrew’s words. “Do you remember, Neil, how you cursed me? How you kissed me and how you so delightfully surrendered to me? Do you, love?”

It took a moment, but Andrew’s pause was grand enough that Nathaniel realized this wasn’t a rhetorical question.

“Y-yes, Master.”

“Good. Are you ready to create some more memories?” Andrew kissed the skin behind his ear, making Nathaniel shiver badly and gasp.

Nathaniel was more than ready to stop thinking and to give all the reins to Andrew.

“Fuck, yeah.”

Andrew snorted and inclined his head back again, his eyes onto Nathaniel’s, “You can touch only my waist now,” and then he was kissing Nathaniel for real for the first time that night.

It was criminally good the way Andrew kissed him. It wasn’t just a kiss. It was a whole-body action that involved grabbing, skin, tongue, teeth, and a world-spinning talent that was unexplainable. The last time he had fought for dominance in every step of the way, he had demanded that Andrew showed him what he was capable of and how he could take the power from under his hands so gracefully and so roughly at the same time. Now, he didn’t even try. He was tired from so much decision-making, and he wanted to submit without a fight maybe for the first time in his entire life. Now, he surrendered in a way he had never done before as Andrew took him apart with only his tongue at a parking lot in the middle of the night.

Andrew had one of his hands on his hair and the other curled around the leather tongue of his collar, pulling and managing to cut his flow of air almost completely, all while he explored mercilessly Nathaniel’s mouth with a clever tongue that made his mind spin with pure want. Nathaniel felt like drowning in the best way possible, he grabbed Andrew’s bare waist under the open leather jacket as if it was a lifeline and he was almost at the point he would need to throw his head back to breathe when Andrew stopped with a bite on his lower lip that made him moan loudly.

“Don’t touch anything and don’t speak till we are alone. Let’s get inside, baby. I can’t wait to ruin you,” Andrew whispered against his lips. Nathaniel moaned and Andrew rewarded him with a last peck on the lips before stepping away, grabbing his backpack on the ground, and letting his hand curl further on the improvised leash before tugging at it for Nathaniel to follow him on unsteady legs, through the parking lot and Velvet’s entrance.

There was no line like most clubs did. Velvet was a proper and highly professional BDSM club, and it was one of the best and most exclusive in the city. The owner was a really amazing Domme called Nara that Nathaniel really liked and had spoken to a few times, because of business and of his own attendance to the events there. How Andrew had managed to get in was a mystery since it was only open to invited members or to partners that paid an annual fee, and Andrew had already told him he didn’t know anyone from the scene. But Nathaniel didn’t dwell too much on it considering all thought went out of his mind when Andrew looked at him from up his shoulder and winked.

Jesus, he felt like a high schooler, getting breathless because of a wink. But it was understandable after the make out and the collar and, well, everything. He told himself that, at least.

They walked in through the bouncers at the door and into the dimly lit purple walls corridor that got them to a front desk, a man with a collar and a corset behind it, typing on a computer in concentration. He looked up and regarded them with almost boredom before his eyes seemed to recognize Nathaniel and then jumped to Andrew, who still had the improvised leash on his hands.

“Hello, Sir. Do you have a reservation or you’re here for the main event?”

Trained people in a BDSM club were always fantastic. They already knew that when a Dom had him on a leash, even if Nathaniel was the owner of this city, they needed to speak with his Master and to not direct their words to him if not prompted or if the sub in question did it first. From the moment he walked through the door with a partner, he was only a sub and his Master that made the decisions and the speaking. It was probably the first time in his life he felt truly comfortable to give such power to someone without a little bit of fight, though. He felt dazed with desire and the rule of not talking and touching made it much easier to enjoy the beginning of his high.

“Reservation under Minyard. The blue room,” Andrew said lowly, his Dom posture not faltering once. Nathaniel might have been more distracted by that — _cause it was hot as fuck_ — if he hadn't realized just then that that was the first time he had listened to Andrew's surname. Like. _What the fuck._ They were going to scene in less than five minutes and he hadn't even known the surname of the man. It startled him for a bit after he realized that, and he vowed to himself to do the full checkout of Andrew’s background the first free moment he got after this. But for now, he could concentrate on the way “Minyard” sounded good in his head. 

A beautiful surname to a beautiful man.

“The room has already been prepared and it’s ready for you,” the man said as he typed on the computer. He looked up and looked at the backpack on Andrew’s other hand. “You have everything you need, Sir?”

“Yes.” 

“Follow me.”

The man walked around the desk and guided them to the corridor on the right, which led to the private rooms, instead of to the left corridor that led to the nightclub, where public scenes, the bar, and the dance floor were held.

Soon they were on the last doors of the corridor. They opened to the biggest, and more private rooms, where there were no windows to showcase any scene, like some of the nearest to the front desk. The blue room was one of Nathaniel’s favorites, ranking behind only the black room, but he hasn’t had the opportunity to use it as much as he’d like, so that was why he was almost bouncing from excitement. Andrew really was a man of taste.

“Here you are, Sir,” The man unlocked the door with a ring full of keys before turning to them with a blinding smile and walking away quietly. “Enjoy your night.”

Andrew snorted and turned to Nathaniel, who was positively _eager._

“I will get in,” Andrew started, tugging on Nathaniel’s improvised collar as he got closer. “And you will follow after exactly two minutes. Take off your shirt, socks, and shoes in the time you’re waiting. Leave your wallet and cellphone and everything else you might have on you with me right now. Understood, love?” He pecked Nathaniel on the lips when he nodded and gave Andrew his belongings. 

The door closed with a quiet click after Andrew walked into the room.

Nathaniel realized then that he was just as nervous as he was excited. This was going to be different, he already knew. Even if Andrew had planned a scene similar to others he had already done with other partners, it would be different if only because _Andrew_ was different in a way Nathaniel hasn’t yet discovered much but felt deep in his bones. He didn’t know what to expect from this, only that he wanted it.

He took off his net iron t-shirt along with his red boots, folded them, and waited.

When it was time, he opened the door and walked in.

The blue room was very much blue. The walls were the same color as the sky on sunny days, the carpet on the floor was this unique tone of grayish, and the shelves and St. Andrew’s Cross on a corner of the room were all in a beautiful navy shade, which made a really nice combination with the four-poster king bed in the middle of the room that had royal blue silk sheets and pastel blue silken fine curtains, completing the angelic atmosphere of blueness. In addition, there was a wooden table covered with dark blue latex on one corner that had straps to hold someone still in an even deeper shade of the color, the same one that tinted the hangers on the ceiling. Egyptian blue leather chairs were scattered over the room, and a door colored like the ocean led to the private bathroom on the far wall. Almost everything but the table and chairs were detailed with spiral shades and forms that were in a deeper shade of blue, so close to black that looked like the sky on a summer night. 

This room made Nathaniel feel like he was drowning, covered with the haze of a different reality that was only made more on point by the blue colored lamps that illuminated the room with both dim, deep shades or a bright vivid color that reminded Nathaniel of looking at the sky from under clear-crystal water. It was an immersion on its own just entering the room and taking it all in. But seeing Andrew in the middle of all of that, the lights of the ceiling painting the color of Andrew’s hair a beautiful pastel color, Nathaniel’s insides gave a weird flip.

“Hello, pet,” Andrew had taken off his jacket and had his muscled pale torso completely exposed now. He was barefoot and had only his trousers on, just like Nathaniel. His face was blank, but the glimmer of desire on his eyes was exposed and his voice was deep with authority. “Come here.”

Nathaniel walked slowly to Andrew who was standing by one of the sides of the bed with the backpack from before on his feet. He stopped just in front of the blond and tilted his head slightly downwards to look straight into his Dom’s eyes.

“What do you want me to do, Master?” Nathaniel smirked.

Andrew grabbed the folded clothes from his hands and put them on a neat pile by the end of the bed. N\athaniel didn’t move while Andrew did it.

“I want you to tell me if there is anything else I need to know besides what we have already talked about,” Andrew was serious after he came back to Nathaniel’s front.

Nathaniel inclined his head in thought for a few moments.

“I already told you what my limits are, but you never told me yours and neither of us told each other’s safewords.”

“That’s right. First: my limits. As this is my first time doing this,” Andrew approximated their bodies but didn’t allow them to touch for only an inch. They were so close and Nathaniel wanted to cross the gap between them and kiss Andrew again but he didn’t, he needed to focus on Andrew now. “I’m still discovering them, but for now, my hard ones consist of age play, daddy kink, suspension, knife play, tiny spaces, fire play, blood play, primal play, and bondage with ropes. My soft limits are breath play, sensory deprivation, and touch. They are all negotiable and you must have special care for the touch one, which will depend more than the others on the situation and other things involved. If I explicitly allow you, you can touch me without any precaution, and yet you have to make it clear where you are going to do it since surprise touches are not welcome in any situation. If I don't give you permission beforehand though and you want to touch me, you must ask before doing it, and respect my answer. Failure to follow any of these rules will result in punishment. It might seem harsh for a soft limit but I consider it that way because depending on some scenarios, I might forgive it if you did it and maybe I could even allow it. Understood, love? Any questions?”

Nathaniel swallowed air as he tried to process all of it. A question popped on his head.

“Only one. Which scenarios would be those, Master?”

“If you were vulnerable or unconscious in some way and did it without thinking, for example. Although that doesn't mean you should try me. That wouldn't be respectful or even ethical,” Andrew answered without hesitation, his eyes deep into Nathaniel’s.

Nathaniel trembled with the intensity of the unbreakable gaze and nodded in understanding.

“Now to the safeword. Tell me, love. Or do you want to hear mine first?” Andrew cupped one of his cheeks and his face was solemn, showing his understanding of the seriousness of a safeword and how those, most of the time, was the reflection of something deeply personal.

“There is no need, Master,” Nathaniel shook his head, before continuing more quietly, almost closing his eyes to say the painful word, “It’s Mila.”

Andrew only nodded, and not asked who Mila was, which Nathaniel appreciated. Some Doms were less empathetic, and it was a nice but not surprising thing to realize that Andrew was not only empathetic but extremely attentive to details and his well being. It was more than good, and exactly what he had expected from Andrew. He was so glad to find out he wasn’t wrong.

“Mine is Serena.”

Oh. Oh, Nathaniel was curious, to say the least. Who was Serena? But instead of asking, he just bit his lower lip and nodded to show that he had listened. Andrew’s voice had been so quiet that it would be understandable if he didn’t have. 

“Do you want me to tell you what we’re going to do today, love?”

Nathaniel had been waiting for that and was glad to find that Andrew knew that he needed to do it. It was a mandatory step for people that would be scening together for the first time, and in this situation, it was even more pressing due to it being an informal scene, that is, non-contractual. This would build trust between them for this, enough to fill in the gaps that a contract and more scenes or knowledge about each other would have built. Besides, Nathaniel knew that discussing a scene before would make him enjoy it even more, for the building of anticipation would reach much higher levels considering he knew what was happening but he had _no control_ in any way possible. Normally this didn’t excite him so much, having a particular preference to fight and provoke his Dom to a breaking point and enjoying the suddenness of surprises and punishments. But not today. He didn’t know why exactly but he could already feel the blood rushing faster and faster through his veins to the prospect of the beginning of their scene. 

And if this would also convince the tiniest part of him that still protested against this whole idea, it would be just as good.

He eagerly nodded in answer to the question.

“Ok,” Andrew started, closing the gap between his mouth and Nathaniel’s ear, his hand now dislocating to Nathaniel’s nape and caressing the short hair there. He spoke quietly and with only a hint of his wickedness, a breath away from Nathaniel’s earlobe. It was just enough to make Nathaniel’s knees threaten to buckle again and to make the hard-on inside his pants demand attention he couldn’t give now. “I’m going to make you kneel by my feet and then I’ll put a blindfold on you. You’ll look beautiful, especially with the belt collar on your neck, love. After I’m going to lay you down in the bed, all scattered. Your legs parted, your mouth hanging. All for me. Only for me. I already can see it, you’re breathtaking, love, and I’m going to tell you that. I’m going to praise you rotten with the sweetest words created and I’ll make you tremble with it. You like the idea of that, right, gorgeous? I know you do, I can feel your skin already getting heated. But that’s not only it, of course. I’m going to tie you up too. Only your wrists and ankles to the posts of the bed, with velvety metal cuffs that are going to caress your skin every time you struggle through the desire I’m going to make you feel. It’s going to be so good, baby.” Nathaniel felt like his head was fucking spinning with the images popping through his head. He realized then that he had closed his eyes and that his head was resting on Andrew’s shoulders, his breath as fast as if he had run a marathon. He whimpered and didn’t have a care in the world for it. Andrew was making him feel things he had never thought he could with only voice and words. “I’m going to gag you too. So you can feel the pressure of it on your tongue and then I’m going to make you imagine it’s _my_ cock filling in your mouth so nicely. I’m going to make you feel like you’re warming me up, just so I can fuck your tight hole afterward. But before that, I have a really nice feather that I’m going to pass through your whole body.” Fuck, Nathaniel actually trembled and his knees actually failed him with that. Jesus Christ. He was so hard and so weak already. Thankfully, Andrew now had an arm on his waist and held him up, slumped against his body. Nathaniel now had both of his hands on Andrew’s neck and he was mouthing the skin there, slipping to a headspace that felt like heaven, surrender, and pure pleasure. He moaned softly and he knew Andrew was hearing it from the humms that reverberated from his chest to Nathaniel’s. “You like that too, yeah, baby? I’m going to make you want to scream so badly, but you won’t be able to. Not then, anyway. I want to hear you scream only when I fuck you. When I have teased you enough, and you had become the most perfect picture of trembling pleasure and crazy desire, only then I’m going to take off your gag, and fuck you. I’ll fuck you so good, honey. I’ll make it worth the wait. Only for you. Afterward, I’m going to take care of you, and hold you if you want it. I’m going to put you back together with all the care you deserve. Do you approve what I have planned for us tonight, love?”

Nathaniel could only moan and nod in answer from his place on Andrew’s neck, his oral fixation already running high and necessary to make him feel grounded.

“Good to know, baby. Now, is there anything else? Do you use the traffic lights method as well? I need a verbal answer to this, love,” Andrew says, his hand had never stopped caressing Nathaniel’s nape.

“No, Master. Yes, Master,” He managed to answer quietly, his lips moving against Andrew’s skin.

Andrew tugged Nathaniel’s head gently from his neck and made him finally look back at him. At whatever he finds in Nathaniel’s flushed face, Andrew smiles. A little, only on the edge of his lips, smile but still just as beautiful and mischievous as it could’ve been if it had been bigger. Nathaniel really, _really_ liked to make Andrew smile.

“Very good, pet. I know we’re going to enjoy ourselves to the fullest tonight.” Andrew’s smile melted away but the mischievousness remained all over his expression. His jaw was set and the blue colors looked beautiful all around him, making him seem ethereal. Nathaniel moaned with it, any attempt of eloquence already thrown out of the window. Especially with Andrew’s next words.

“Kneel, love. Kneel for me.”

Nathaniel sank to the ground gracefully and without hesitation. He lowered his head and put his hands behind his back as an afterthought, sinking without trouble even further to the submissive headspace that he normally fought so hard to dive in.

“Very, very good, pet,” Andrew says and Nathaniel almost purrs in answer. Almost. “How are you feeling?”

“G-good, Master,” Nathaniel quietly answers, his tongue almost rolling on his mouth with the difficulty to articulate himself. And for his surprise, it really felt good being on his knees for Andrew. He had imagined what it would feel like, and he had always pictured something fiery, passionate, and hard in the best way possible. A push and pull from equal strength that would drive him crazy until he surrendered to Andrew’s dominance. And it was, but at the same time, it was just pure calmness. Certainty. It felt natural, safe, and quiet. It was what Nathaniel thought that felt like peace. It felt _good_.

“Tell me. What else do you feel, besides good?” Andrew’s hand rests on his hair, and Nathaniel inclines his head to the touch without taking his eyes off the floor.

“It feels calm,” he whispers, his eyes slipping close to the caress on his scalp. Andrew’s voice was soothing, deep, and authoritative, as if Nathaniel could keep his guard down and that he would take care of everything. Of him. “It feels right and quiet. Good, Master. Really good.”

“I’m glad, baby,” Andrew’s hand now made a trail from his scalp to his chin and lifted it. Nathaniel looked up to his Dom with heavy-lidded eyes and an already blissed-out expression. From Andrew’s glint of approval, he liked it.

“I’m going to put the blindfold on you now, ok?”

Nathaniel nodded.

Andrew grabbed the backpack that was on the floor beside Nathaniel and started to pull out a few of the things that they would need for the night. A silk black blindfold, two velvet baby blue cuffs that had adjustable chains— one being slightly bigger than the other — a purple silicone gag with black leather straps, lube, condoms, a few _long_ iron currents that probably would be useful to tie the cuffs to the posts of the bed, and a red brownish fake feather that looked just the tone of Nathaniel’s hair. He put all above one of the dark blue pillows on the bed and Nathaniel could only watch quietly as Andrew organized everything.

When Andrew looked back at him, he had a small amused smile on his face and the blindfold in his hands. He walked the only step that separated them and inclined himself. He delicately fastened the blindfold around Nathaniel’s eyes and painted his world, that was all in blues and gold before, to an empty black that made him shudder with nervousness that surprised him a little and eased him out slightly from the daze he was in. He had never dealt well with darkness, which was irony in itself.

 _Relax,_ he told himself without thinking much. _Andrew’s here. He’ll take care of everything._

“Give me a color,”

“Green, Master,” was the only possible answer to Andrew’s soothing, low voice.

“Very good, pet. You look beautiful like this, you know?” The voice now was closer to Nathaniel’s ear and he shuddered with desire at the proximity and at his words. A feather-light touch on his cheek made him gasp. “With all your tattoos on display for me, my collar belt around your neck, kneeling at my feet, and being so good. Thank you for being so good for me.”

“Y-your welcome, Master,” Nathaniel gave a small self-satisfied smile in the direction of Andrew’s voice. He could behave maybe for the first time ever, but he couldn’t help being cheeky even in the middle of this high.

Andrew just chuckled lowly. 

“Oh, so polite, my beautiful sub. Do you think you deserve a reward?”

“I do, Master,” because he truly thought that. His smile on his face was untouched.

“If you continue to be good for me tonight, you might have it. Does that seem good, baby?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, who?”

“Yes, Master.”

The hand that was on his cheek moved and traced his lower lip, making Nathaniel gulp on thin air and his hands twitch with the desire to move from his back to reach Andrew, but he wasn’t allowed yet and he knew that the way he touched Andrew a few moments ago without allowance was not unnoticed but rather forgiven for that moment. He didn’t want to test it right now, he wanted to be good. Surprisingly.

“Stand for me, gorgeous.”

Nathaniel stood up slowly, his knees hurting a little from the kneeling, his hands hanging at his sides. He felt Andrew's finger slip from his lips to his chin and then to his neck, inside the belt collar, all with such a lightness that it already felt like a feather was the one tracing his body. When Andrew’s finger traveled from his collarbone to one of his nipples, he moaned loudly. Andrew teased his nipple with the lightest of touches, bringing all Nathaniel’s nerves to life as if they were burning from under his skin. He circled it with the point of his fingers multiple times before ticking and pinching the nub. When Nathaniel started to almost whine from the sensitiveness, Andrew’s fingers passed to the other and did the same. The knees on his legs almost gave out from the sensations this time, but Andrew’s arm was right there to catch him, just like before.

“I’ll carry you to the bed. Ok?” Andrew said and Nathaniel could feel his breathing on his face. They were close. Andrew’s arm was still on his waist and the fingers on his nipple now were caressing his cheek again.

Nathaniel inclined his head to the touch and whispered, “May I kiss you first, Master?”

His answer was the touch of Andrew’s lips on his. In contrast with the way they were touching since Nathaniel walked into the room — lightly and with a softness that seemed like affection — Andrew’s press on him was hungry. His mouth was on his with a fierceness that made Nathaniel’s head spin and struggle to keep up with. Andrew’s tongue was exploring his mouth and he could only allow it while moaning lightly from the way the touch had lightened his whole body up. His hands tingled with the urge to touch Andrew with his hands, but he balled his fists tight and waited for permission. He could ask later, but now he didn’t want to stop kissing his Dom to do that. The kiss was too good, and Nathaniel felt like he never wanted to leave the possessive tight circle of Andrew’s arm on his waist and the hand cupping his cheek.

Suddenly, his body left the ground, and his legs instinctively trapped itself around Andrew’s waist, his hands coming up too to touch Andrew’s shoulder before he could remind himself.

He parted the kiss with a whine for his own action.

“May I touch your shoulders?” Nathaniel mumbled, his breath harsh.

“You can touch everywhere above the waist, love,” came the answer before his mouth was taken again.

Nathaniel could only moan in satisfaction as his fingers finally touched Andrew’s bare, strong, muscled, and pale skin of his shoulders and pecs. He couldn’t see it, but he could imagine it and he felt it under his palm now, how it shifted as it carried him the few steps needed to the bed. Andrew was a few inches shorter than him but he was definitely stronger and larger, and it felt so good to have himself wrapped around Andrew’s form like this without fearing that he would fall. It felt amazing to let Andrew take the weight away and coerce all those dreamy sounds from him, enticing such hardness inside his jeans he thought he might break.

Andrew dropped him to the bed gracelessly, the curtains of the posts around it touching them lightly, and they parted their lips and their body for too long seconds, but as soon as Nathaniel’s back touched the mattress, Andrew pounced on him again. Nathaniel’s legs wrapped themselves on Andrew’s waist again, and his hands were straight to the blonde's hair, probably messing it all up. They kissed and battled with their tongues, breathy moans leaving Nathaniel’s lips and Andrew’s groans reverberating between them. Soon, though, Andrew parted their lips and started kissing Nathaniel’s neck with, once again, light touches of skin.

“I need you to lift your hips for me, love,” Andrew murmured against him, and only then Nathaniel realized that Andrew’s hands were in his jeans’ zipper.

He lifted his hips and then he was naked.

“Gorgeous,” Andrew whispered as he began to mouth Nathaniel’s legs, thighs, stomach, ribs, and pecs. 

Nathaniel had to be extra careful to don’t pull Andrew’s hair but that was all he wanted to do as that clever mouth explored his body with such familiarity that it made him feel even more dazed than he already was. Andrew’s tongue traveled to the nubs of his nipples but only tasted them for a second before continuing their way upwards. 

Their lips met again, but now it was less hurried. It was slow and tender but not less all-consuming. It was so good that it made Nathaniel even forget he was using a blindfold for his eyes remained close from the number of sensations through his veins, his erection rubbing slightly on the still clothed legs of his Dom and making him arch his back in greedy lightning of pleasure. It felt too good and Nathaniel now was moaning with abandon and running his hands through Andrew’s hair and shoulders in one of the most intimate and intense make-out sessions of his life.

“Stay still for me,” Andrew mumbled on Nathaniel’s mouth after one last bite to his lips and taking Nathaniel’s hands from his body.

Nathaniel whined in displeasure from the departure but remained still. He could hear Andrew moving closely and he could feel the sheets moving under him, but he was kept from wondering for long. Andrew’s hands were on him again in no time and he almost sighed in relief at that, which would have made him stop to think if he could care more about anything that wasn’t the haze of his mind and the way Andrew made him feel.

“Time for your gag, love. If you ever want to stop for a second, tap the bed once. If you want to safeword, tap twice. Ok?” Nathaniel nodded at that. “Open your mouth for me,” Andrew whispered after one last kiss, his fingers trailing Nathaniel’s temple tenderly.

He complied with Andrew’s orders without a thought and when he felt the circular object on his mouth fastened behind his head he moaned with the sensation, his mind already igniting with the images Andrew’s planted before. Nathaniel could see behind his eyelids, clear as day, Andrew above him, his muscular thighs almost choking him from their places on each side of his head and his fat cock being introduced to Nathaniel’s greedy throat.

“You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?” Andrew whispered against his ear, his lips on his earlobe the only place their bodies were touching. “You’re thinking about my cock replacing that gag on your mouth, filling you up until you have tears of bliss on your eyes. Aren’t you, Neil?”

Nathaniel nodded eagerly, moaning more forcefully around the object. He could feel the spit on his mouth wanting to get out and his jaw aching with the effort of keeping it open, so he forced himself to relax. He turned his head to the side so the drool could escape through the gap on the edge of his lips, and then he managed to start to breathe properly. It only made the sensation better.

“You look beautiful, baby. You have no idea,” Andrew kissed his cheek. Nathaniel’s chest filled with something that he couldn’t bother to look much closer now. “Now I’m going to tie your ankles and wrists. Spread yourself for me.”

The space between one limb to another was created fast. Nathaniel was eager to have Andrew’s hands caressing his skin again, but mostly to have him filling him again after so long. His member was as hard as it could get and he could feel the dampness of precome on his stomach, not having been touched once through the course of the night. He didn’t know if he could handle whatever Andrew had in mind without coming. His skin was buzzing just as much as his mind was quiet.

It was a weird thing being this high so early on the scene. He was conscious but still felt so good, and with so little. He liked it.

“Do you feel it?” Andrew’s voice said lowly just as a velvety thing tingled the tip of his fingers. “This is your handcuff. It feels nice, doesn’t it?” 

Nathaniel nodded. 

“I’m not going to restrain you really tight so you will still be able to move your hands and arms to the sides, but you won’t be able to lift them from the bed, and the same goes for your legs. Those cuffs are not going to tighten your limbs together, they have these chains in the middle. Feel them.” Chains passed softly through Nathaniel’s fingertips, “So the cuffs stay on your wrists and ankles, but it will be far away from its pair. You’ll be just as stretched out as you’re now for me, baby, and I want you to be able to squirm beautifully for me. Also, this makes sure you can comfortably use the taps on the mattress as the non-verbal safeword, ok? Don’t forget them,” Andrew punctuated with a kiss to each of his wrists.

Before Nathaniel could nod his understanding, the velvety feeling was now wrapped around his wrists, and soon enough the ankles were too. The four limbs were spread as wide as they could get but he could still move them with quite the ease, making the chains rattle softly against the mattress. It was comfortable but still limiting, and Nathaniel knew that it would drive him insane thinking he could move in one moment just to be restrained if he went too far. It was already driving him mad in fact.

It felt really good.

“Alright, love? Are you ready?” Andrew’s voice seemed to be smiling.

He could only nod.

Suddenly, he felt Andrew’s face by his side.

“I’ll make you feel so good,” Andrew bit Nathaniel’s earlobe and he could only moan around his gag and try to move his hand to touch Andrew just to remember he couldn’t. 

And then Andrew’s presence was gone. From his side, from above him, from the bed. He just disappeared.

“Do not worry, love. I’m right here,” Andrew’s voice said from a little far away. “Just relax.”

Nathaniel whined and arched his back. He felt impatient, he wanted to have Andrew inside him right _now_.

“So impatient,” Andrew’s voice was near now, and Nathaniel could feel the bed dipping from the weight of his Dom on the mattress. Soon, the warmth of Andrew’s body was above him again. “I want you to breathe for me,” came the whisper. Andrew’s voice had a low, husky, hypnotic quality to it that made Nathaniel comply without hesitating. It felt good to just allow himself to be guided, to feel, and to trust. It was good. He took a deep breath. “That’s it, love. Keep breathing. Listen to me, to my voice. Let yourself relax on the mattress. Let me take care of you. Let yourself be mine tonight.”

Andrew’s lips mouthed his cheek lightly, a ghost of a touch that would have made Nathaniel arch for more if he hadn’t been so relaxed. He could only moan around his gag and wait to see what Andrew would do, though. He had never been so helpless before as he was right now. He had never loved being helpless before, not the way he was loving it tonight.

And then, sparks on the inner side of his side that shook his core and made him writhe on the mattress of the bed with the loudest moan he had yet produced slipping from around the gag. Oh, the feather. 

Oh, fuck. 

It felt like heaven and the feather wasn’t even moving yet. But that wasn’t for long.

“Relax, honey. It feels good, right?” The feather moved higher on his inner thigh, and Nathaniel couldn’t help but flinch his legs and arch his hips up to show where he wanted the touch. Andrew just chuckled at it, with the lightest of kisses on his other cheek as if to reassure Nathaniel that Andrew wasn’t mocking him. “Oh, thank you for showing me. But I’m going to make it last for a bit more. I want to adore your body today, Neil. I want to show you my appreciation for your trust in me by giving you the most potent orgasms of your life, baby.”

Nathaniel moaned and arched his back as the feather went even higher, but then it skipped his groin and began to trail a torturing slow path from his toes to his ankles, his calves, under his knees, and then the outside and inside of his inner thighs again. After he did it with both of his legs, Andrew passed the feather through Nathaniel’s groin without giving it attention and on that point, Nathaniel already felt his head spinning and his throat sore from the moaning and the gag on his mouth. His skin felt lightened up and he couldn’t be still even for the love of his existence. He writhed and arched his body, relishing in the pleasure of feeling adored, of having his body traced with tenderness and burning desire at the same time. His breath came in pants, his blood rushed through his whole body making him feel flush all around and his cock was throbbing painfully where it rested on his stomach. It felt maddening. It was perfect.

“How are you feeling, baby? Good?” Andrew mouthed the words on his stomach, landing a kiss on the flesh that was being discovered now by the feather, following the path is created. His mouth teased him with lightness, the lips barely there and a tourist tongue that came and then disappeared on the points Nathaniel wanted the most. “Nod or shake your head for me, Neil. I need to know. Is that good?” Andrew punctuated it with a barely-there bite on his hip.

Nathaniel nodded eagerly at that and moaned at the sensation of Andrew soothing, maddening, tongue now circling his navel along with the feather, wetting, even more, the skin that was already damp with pleasure-sweat.

“So eager, love. You look gorgeous. You always do, but right now? All this blue around you, the light and the silk. You look like a dream, Neil.” The feather now was exploring the area around his nipples and Nathaniel could feel his face flush at the compliment more than he already had before and writhe further from the nerve-wracking sensation under his skin. “You look like a perfect hallucination. But you know the good side of my hallucinations, angel?”

The feather was going higher now, traveling the landscapes of his collarbone and shoulders. Nathaniel noticed that Andrew had stopped talking, and after he struggled to remember what he was being asked, he shook his head.

“The good side,” Andrew’s husky voice intoned by his ear again while the feather performed lightning-fast movements on both of his arms, and the contrast of the speed from one second to the other gave Nathaniel full-body chills, making his hips roll on empty air and a breathy moan to scape the sides of his gag. Andrew’s hand came down to pin him to the bed, “Is that my hallucinations are all mine,” he completed with a groan and a bite to Nathaniel’s neck, just under the belt collar, that had him rolling his eyes backward behind the blindfold hiding them. 

Nathaniel felt positively fried. He almost sobbed at the sensation of Andrew’s bite, the sensations too much for his burnt nerves and his greedy little frame. He had no idea where the rest of Andrew’s body was, he hadn't managed to touch it in his thrashing around but he could feel its heat above him. He had felt it from afar for too long, in his opinion. He wanted to feel the strength of Andrew’s muscles around him again, he wanted to kiss his mouth again, and to let him take his body in every way imaginable. He wanted to have Andrew inside him as fast as possible, and he was ready to cry in desperation for how potent this desire was consuming him.

“I want to turn you. I’ll take the cuffs of your ankles to do that, ok? But I still don’t want you to move them unless I tell you to,” Andrew’s voice awakened him from his spiral of desire.

Nathaniel nodded and soon his ankles were free from the velvety restriction around it, the chains softly rumbling around. 

“Turn for me, baby. Let me adore your back now,” came the husky voice from somewhere between his legs he couldn’t reach. He wanted to move them to drag Andrew above him but he couldn’t even with them free. They were weak from the lust burning in his veins and from the pleasure clouding his brain, which was made even worse from the way Andrew’s touch traced them and made them shake.

He wanted to protest, truly. The need to be filled was too much but he couldn’t talk, see or touch and he was helpless. There was nothing to do but Andrew’s bidding. He rolled his body on the bed to turn his stomach to the sheets, the chains linked to his wrist cuffs rattling on the mattress.

“Oh, it’s the first time I’m seeing this,” Andrew’s husky voice had a wondering edge to it. The feather touched the middle of his back and _holy shit_ Nathaniel didn’t know this area was so sensitive. It might’ve been the feather or the fact that it was Andrew doing it, but at the moment he couldn’t care less. He writhed and moaned and almost pushed himself upon his knees, presenting his ass to Andrew to _take,_ however, a firm hand kept him down. “I didn’t know you had tattoos on your back as well, but I assumed. And this one is beautiful, love. Just like you.”

Nathaniel almost purred at the compliment. The tattoo on his back was special, if not the most special of all of them, but before he could think further on this, the feather moved and he went along with it without realizing that the mattress beneath him could relieve some of the unyielding tension on his erection, but when it did, it enticed a needy moan from past the gag between his lips.

“No humping, love. I want you to finish with me. Not before, or after,” Andrew whispered, his breath in the middle of Nathaniel’s back and making him have a whole-body shudder from the sensation, and making him stop the movement of his hips, “It’s difficult seeing you like this, you know?” The feather was exploring every inch of his back. Nathaniel’s body was trembling now, his eyes perpetually rolled back and whines leaving his lips more than moans. He was getting more than desperate. “So ready for me. I want to take you, Neil. I want to be inside you so bad,” Andrew mouthed the word, punctuating them with little licks on the dips of his back and shoulders. “And I will. Soon. But we must hold on for just a little longer, ok?”

The whimpers and moans that left Nathaniel were much less in protest than it was in enjoyment to the feeling of Andrew’s mouth on his body. He was desperate to be filled and fucked till he got cross-eyed but, at the same time, he had never felt so peaceful. He trusted Andrew to do whatever the hell he wanted and he would be happy to follow Andrew anywhere right now.

A trail made of kisses, licks, and feathery touches was made from his shoulders to the base of his spine in detail. There was no place that hadn't been discovered by Andrew’s ministrations by the time Nathaniel’s tailbone was reached and he just couldn’t stop loving every second of it. He felt everything in highlights: the silk of the mattress rubbing on his hard erection, and on his nipples; the black of his blindfolds making everything even more intense; the velvet of the cuffs on his wrists; the distant ache on his limbs for being stretched out for so long; Andrew’s smell surrounding him so much Nathaniel felt drunk; the presence of the man himself on his back covering Nathaniel with his warmness and safe presence; the feather now tracing the curve of his ass and Andrew’s tongue right behind it. Everything felt a hundred times more intense than it had any right to be and Nathaniel was a mess. He probably had spit all over his face from the gag and he certainly had a whole-body flush going on, along with the sweat and Andrew’s spit now covering almost every centimeter of his body. He felt filthy. He felt _great._ He felt so high on the endorphins that he just could push his ass higher and wait for Andrew to have mercy on him and his nerves.

“Oh, love. Such a beautiful view you’re making for me,” Andrew groaned, his tongue playing with the crease between Nathaniel’s ass and thigh. “You’re being so good. You’ve dealt with me playing you so well. I think I’m going to give you what you want now, you deserve it.” One of Andrew’s hands traced its fingertips on his spine at the same time as the feather which induced a whole body shiver and a breathier moan from Nathaniel. His whole body was trembling with it non-stop.

When the feather teased the flesh of Nathaniel’s ass crack, he screamed in pleasure and he could feel his whole fluttering in eagerness to be filled. Andrew’s tongue followed suit and then the feather was no longer touching him, and Andrew’s hands were separating the bands of Nathaniel’s ass. He used the grip he had on the flesh to prompt Nathaniel up on his knees but maintained his torso on the bed, which Nathaniel appreciated deeply.

“I can’t seem to recover from your beauty, angel. You’re everything I could’ve dreamt off,” Andrew murmured before his tongue traced ever so softly the beginning of his asscrack, to his hole, then to the flesh just behind his balls. Nathaniel couldn’t believe how much that simple light lick had managed to make him feel that blissed out. He screamed behind his gag as white-numbing pleasure explored behind his eyelids with just that, and he couldn’t fathom how he would be able to don’t come. He felt like he would explode in a few seconds and it was everything. Somehow, Andrew sensed it, though, and slapped lightly the flesh behind his thighs, just hard enough to make Nathaniel pay attention a bit more. “Don’t you dare to come,” Andrew’s voice was deep and grave with desire, but there was an edge to his natural authority that made Nathaniel whine and shiver.

He wouldn’t come. He would be a good boy for his Master. He needed to hold it back.

The feeling of Andrew’s breath was just above his whole, and both of his hands were separating the bands of Nathaniel’s ass until they weren’t anymore. Only one remained and then the feeling of the feather teasing his whole made Nathaniel scream behind his gag again.

“Oh, you should see it, love. How beautiful is your tight hole, quivering for me? Begging to be filled. Is it what you’re doing for me, baby? Are you begging for me?” Andrew’s voice was muffled against the flesh of his ass and the question was punctuated with a bite. Nathaniel nodded and moved his hips higher, whimpering and shaking from the sensation of the relentless movements of the feather against his hole and perineum. It was so soft, so light and _so fucking intense._ There was only _Andrew, Andrew, Andrew,_ on his mind. His voice, his warmth, his touch. He was surrounded and drowning in the feeling of his Master. “I can’t resist you when you’re begging so beautifully. You’re even crying for me, so thirsty. You please me so much.”

That was when the feather was gone and Andrew’s tongue finally touched him how he wanted.

“You taste delicious,” Andrew growled and the vibrations against his hole were amazing. “I’m going to ravish you.”

And that was what he did. Andrew’s tongue stopped playing around and began to give him the absolute best rimming of Nathaniel’s life. He teased his hole and identified the point of contact his perineum made with his prostate almost instantly. Afterward, Andrew played with it, with him, as if he was a thirsty man in the desert that had just found a fountain. He licked, hummed, sucked, and prodded screams away from Nathaniel in an insane speed that only contributed to the mess of Nathaniel’s state. His mind felt blank and the only thing that existed was the quiet of his mind, the howling sounds slipping from behind his gag, the tears falling from his eyes, his cock aching with the need for release, and _Andrew, Andrew, Andrew._ Andrew’s hands, tightening and gripping Nathaniel’s ass with a bruising hold; Andrew’s tongue breaching his tight circle and beginning to lick just past his entrance; Andrew’s smell around him.

He was in so deep that even if Nathaniel hadn’t been blindfolded, he would have felt blind.

Without a warning, a lubed finger made a path just right beside Andrew’s tongue and it felt so good that Nathaniel was full-on sobbing now. He needed to come so bad, but he wanted to be good for his Master more, and it felt like he was coming apart at his edges. 

“Shhh,” Andrew’s voice came, and his tongue was replaced by a second finger that fucked Nathaniel slowly, scissoring his entrance, the rhythm he was in slowing down. The other hand came to rest on Nathaniel’s back, soothing and circling the heated skin in comfort. “Don’t cry, angel. I know it feels too much. Shhh,” and tiny kisses were given on his back and shoulders, with the objective of offering reassurance and pacifying Nathaniel’s burnt nerves. 

Andrew’s fingers never stopped his ministrations on Nathaniel’s hole since he didn’t ask for his Master to stop, but they were at a slow pace that allowed Nathaniel a little bit of room to breathe. Slowly, he managed to stop sobbing, the nerve-wracking sensation receding to something just as good but less overwhelming. For now, at least. Still, that was the only thing that diminished. He was just as pent up, blissed-out, crossed eyed as before and couldn’t wait for Andrew to fuck him.

“Better, baby?” Andrew’s voice came right at his ear, and Nathaniel shivered at the voice of his Master, so close. Nathaniel nodded. “Good,” Andrew bit his neck lightly, making Nathaniel whimper.

But then, Andrew crooked his fingers inside Nathaniel and he was a mess all over again. The lightning pleasure that crossed his spine made Nathaniel scream in pleasure and push back on Andrew’s hands, in an attempt of riding them from that position. Andrew was unrelenting though and managed to keep Nathaniel still with a hand on his hips as the other worked Nathaniel’s way to oblivion.

“I’m going to take off your gag, ok? I want to hear you, love,” Andrew’s voice said by his ear, and in a fast movement, the hand that kept him unmoving untied the lock behind his head and the gag popped out of Nathaniel’s mouth. His jaw ached but it only managed to distract him for a second before Andrew quickly pushed his torso up on the bed, the chains rattling on the bed and on their limits, and fastened his movements inside Nathaniel, making him finally whimper and moan loudly in the room.

“That’s it. Let me hear you,” Andrew’s voice was still behind him, his fingers milking his prostate non-stop, and his other hand keeping Nathaniel upright on his knees by holding him with a hand circling Nathaniel’s torso and resting on his chest. 

And then Nathaniel finally felt Andrew’s body touching him from behind and his nerves already fried were ready to explode and scream.

Andrew was naked behind him. He felt Andrew’s pecs on his back and his dick was hard and throbbing as it rested by Nathaniel’s ass, seeming to be already with a condom and lubed. Nathaniel knew that Andrew touched him right at that moment for this reason, and his hips waved on Andrew’s fingers, his head rolling back and resting on his Master’s shoulder. 

“M-master,” Nathaniel had his eyes rolled out behind his blindfolds and he felt as if he was flying once again in the tight circle of Andrew’s embrace, feeling his skin against his was heavenly. “Fuck me, M-master. Pleas-se. I’m... _Ahn_ ,” the sentence ended with a loud moan as Andrew nipped and sucked on his neck, his embrace on Nathaniel became that much tighter.

“You’re ready, pet?” Andrew’s voice was husky on his ear and he growled as Nathaniel moaned a breathy “yes”.

His Master unglued his body from his for a second and Nathaniel whined in protest by the feeling of Andrew’s fingers stopping and easing out of him before he received a reassuring “ssh” and a caress from the hand still on his chest.

“You are allowed to come anytime from now on, pet. I’m so proud of you. Thank you for being such a good boy,” and then Andrew was easing his cock inside Nathaniel’s hole.

Nathaniel only managed to remain upright because of the still tight grip of Andrew on him, due to his knees failing hard. The press of Andrew’s cock was everything. Nathaniel yelled with the burning sensation of Andrew’s thick member entering him, nestling and dominating him from his insides. He had been waiting for that for more than a couple of hours since their arrival at the BDSM club, he had been waiting for this since their date more than a month ago. And now he had Andrew right where he wanted, and the feeling that he had _earned it,_ that he had been good for Andrew, made it even sweeter. 

“You feel so good, gorgeous. You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this,” Andrew moaned on Nathaniel’s ear as his balls were resting against Nathaniel’s ass. 

“M-aster,” Nathaniel only managed to almost scream and restrain against his cuffs and chains as he tried to touch his Dom but couldn’t.

Andrew stopped for a few moments to let Nathaniel get used to the feeling, and Nathaniel was high as a kite. He felt owned in the best way, he felt seen and noticed, and at the top of the world with Andrew’s bites and kisses all over his shoulders and neck around the collar. Andrew’s hand that was on his chest now was playing with it, pulling and circling the leather. Just as Nathaniel finally felt himself ease from the glorious burning on his hole, a hand went to his hip and the other on his neck pulled the long-forgotten leash. Nathaniel’s supply of air vanished just as Andrew eased his dick back and pounded back in brutally.

To say that Nathaniel moaned loudly was a euphemism. He howled in pleasure and he could feel the tears running down his face again with the stars that popped behind his eyelids with the sensation of _Andrew, Andrew, Andrew._

_His Master._

“I'll turn you now. I want to see you, gorgeous” Andrew bit his earlobe before pounding once again in him and manhandling in with ease, Nathaniel’s back once again against the mattress and his head instantly rolled back with the sense of Andrew’s strength. His hands were above his head, restrained by the velvety feeling on his wrists, his legs were weak even if free and he still couldn’t see. His knees went high on his chest and soon Andrew’s warmth came back and they were resting against each other again, Andrew’s hands folding themselves on Nathaniel’s sweat-spit-damp hair.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful,” Andrew whispered before stealing Nathaniel’s breath with a kiss pontuacted by the returning movements of Andrew’s hips.

Oh, he had missed this mouth on his’ so much.

Andrew’s rhythm was nothing like the first time. In the hood of the car, Andrew had fucked him torturously slow, with strong but soft moves. Now, he pounded into him with a ferocity that Nathaniel couldn’t help but melt against and take. It was everything he needed, and the fact that Andrew never stopped kissing and holding him through it all made it even better. He restrained against his cuffs in the urge to touch his Dom but he couldn’t so he just widened his legs even more and dug his heels on Andrew’s waist, pressing him as close as he could.

He felt like he was burning from the inside out, and he was just at the edge of the white-burning bliss of the most potent orgasm of his life. Andrew’s thrusts onto him were frantic and deep, their bodies gilded with sweat and spit, his cock pressed between their stomachs, and the room smelled like the perfect mixture of Andrew and sweat. Nathaniel was boneless from the absolute pleasure and bone-deep bliss on his mind. 

Andrew’s movements were accurate and grazed his prostate every fucking time. It was too much, and not enough. Nathaniel wanted it to last forever, but when his Dom separated their lips, one of his hands pulled the leash and restrained Nathaniel’s breathing, and he bit the flesh below the collar, Nathaniel couldn’t help but fall from the edge.

This orgasm was nothing like he had ever felt before. It was paralyzing, heartstopping, and Nathaniel kind of felt that he had passed out for a few seconds. He might have yelled, but he couldn’t be sure since his ears had popped and he couldn’t hear a thing but the blood rushing through his veins. He felt high, he felt low, he felt everything and nothing. For those infinite moments he felt like all the pent-up tension of the last month, all the weight on his shoulders disappeared. He felt at peace before but this was the pure ecstasy of tranquility. He felt weightless and sated like he hadn’t felt for a really, really long time.

Nathaniel drifted. He came back from his high little too little and even then he didn’t come back fully. He was on the edge of subspace, as he felt Andrew coming inside him, as his Dom kissed his neck tenderly.

When Andrew pulled out, Nathaniel whined lightly. He didn’t want his Dom away now.

“Shh, it’s alright,” Andrew’s voice came in his ear, low and soothing but still a little bit breathless. “I’ll throw the condom away, and grab a few towels to clean you up. I’ll be right back, baby. But first, I’ll take off those cuffs and blindfold from you, ok?” 

Nathaniel hummed to show he had comprehended. His Dom was thoughtful and he loved it.

With soft touches, Andrew took away the velvety feeling from his wrists, massaging and kissing them softly after taking each one and placing them back on the mattress if Nathaniel wanted to move, but he didn’t. He stayed sprawled and just enjoyed the high and the tenderness of his Dom’s attention. 

Andrew pecked on his lips, “I’ll take off your blindfold now. Keep your eyes closed, and open them slowly. Tell me you understand, love.”

“I do, Master,” came Nathaniel’s mumbled reply. His eyes were closed anyway.

His blindfold slipped out of his face leaving a trace of the feeling behind. Ever so slowly, he opened his eyes. Andrew’s face was right above his, with soft concern and satisfaction all over his face. He looked flush, his hair was damp with sweat but his eyes were shining with gold. The blue light from the ceiling gave him almost a halo. Nathaniel was breathless. His Dom was beautiful.

“Thank you,” Andrew chuckled. Oh, well, Nathaniel had said that out loud without even realizing. “But you are more, love,” he pecked Nathaniel’s lips but Nathaniel wanted more and pressed more insistently, using now his free hands to wrap around Andrew’s neck and hold him against him, which made their come and sweat dirty torsos touch again.

Andrew allowed it for only a few more seconds before pulling away slowly, which caused Nathaniel to lightly whine in protest.

“I need to take this condom off and grab a few things to clean you up,” Andrew kissed his forehead and rose up slowly from the bed, keeping an eye on Nathaniel. “I’ll be right back. Rest.”

Nathaniel nodded and closed his eyes to enjoy his high. It seemed like no time at all had passed when he felt the bed dipping again.

“Here, love put this on your mouth,” came Andrew’s voice from his right, and a finger was introduced into his mouth. Only then he realized he had been sucking his own lip. His oral fixation was wild when he was that close to subspace and Nathaniel was glad his Dom noticed it now.

Delicately his body was cleaned up by humid fluffy towels that he had only felt and not seen. His eyes remained closed through it all, and he felt Andrew assessing his body delicately with light fingers, to see if everything was alright. When the towels and the touches stopped, Nathaniel asked around the finger still on his mouth.

“Master?”

“I’m right here, baby,” came the answer from his right, the finger easing away from between Nathaniel’s lips for him to be able to speak.

“We’ll stay here for the night?”

“Yes, love.”

“Hold me, please?”

“Of course.”

Nathaniel felt the bed dipping further by his right, and without opening his eyes, he threw himself on Andrew’s strong chest, and tucked his head on his Dom’s neck, his mouth already working on the flesh softly. Andrew’s arms wrapped around him and worked soothing patterns on his back that made Nathaniel sigh in satisfaction.

“Sleep, baby. Don’t worry. I’ll be right here.”

He slept profoundly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So........ What were your thoughts on this?  
> I hope you guys liked it but let me know on the comments, or if you'd rather you can find me on twitter by @sunabram or on tumblr by @jostenrun!
> 
> Thank you for reading <3 See you guys next Friday!


	6. dirt bike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprises all over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HULLO! HI! 
> 
> First, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE COMMENTS! I'm living for those, they're my joy right now, so please keep commenting and telling me your thoughts on this! 
> 
> Also, I would like to say sorry for the delay, it's a little past midnight in here so it's already Saturday, but I had some things I needed to finish before I posted this, so here it is!  
> I think my posting schedule might change in the future due to college being a fucking pain in my ass, but don't worry, I'll let you guys know before that happens.
> 
> OK, here are the trigger warnings for this chapter!  
> T.W's: mentions of torture, mentions of blood, mentions of sexual assault, organized crime, behavioral psychological dissociation according to situations or places.
> 
> And I think that's it. As usual, if I forgot or got anything wrong, please let me know in the comments!  
> Hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

"You’re certain I can do this now?”

“Of course I’m fucking sure, Wesninski. Who do you think I am?”

Nathaniel sighed tiredly and wiped his damp forehead down on the towel by his shoulder.

“It’s not about that, Dermott. You know it’s not. I just feel the need to remind you that even if the timing is amazing, if the information is wrong and the night goes to hell, we’ll be dead by midnight.”

“I know,” Laila Dermott hissed through the phone pressed in his ear. “But you need to trust me on this. Do it, Wesninski. It will be fine and things will go through under the Senate just before the deadline. It’s good, I promise.”

He sighed again.

“Ok, ok. I’ll get everything ready. Thank you. Send Knox my best regards.”

“You’re welcome, and I will. Please, send a report by tomorrow.”

“It will be provided,” and he ended the call.

He turned to see Kevin still punching the box bag in the corner. 

“Anything?” Kevin asked breathlessly but not faltering at his training.

“Yep. Apparently, I have a ball to go to tonight.”

That had Kevin stop punching the bag to look at him with a question in his eyes.

“They got him?”

“That’s what Dermott says so,” Nathaniel shrugged but smiled. If tonight was how it was supposed to go, it would be the security they needed to go further.

“Oh, I thought it was Knox with you on the phone,” Kevin now grabbed his bottle of water and almost drowned in it.

“He was occupied with his sister. You know the drill.”

“Yeah,” Kevin grimaced since they knew the situation of Knox’s little sister was complicated. Diana Knox was a smart, curious, and cute as fuck seven-year-old little girl that had Down Syndrome and who the condition demanded special care and attention from her older brother lots of the time, which was the main reason why Dermott almost was taking the lead on lots of the job. Knox went through hell and back for his sister and Nathaniel could respect that. He was basically doing the same, wasn’t he?

“I’m going up to take a shower. Make sure that everyone will be at Reunion Room 1 within the hour and go take one yourself. We need to move and fast,” Nathaniel said as he turned to the double doors of the gym.

“Got it,” Kevin said behind his back, but Nathaniel was already out.

He walked through the corridors of the Manor and went climbing the steps to the second floor, which held his personal accommodations and office on the right-wing while his personal meeting rooms and immediate management crew were allocated in offices on the left-wing. Only Mary was out of his immediate reach up there on the fucking fourth floor, but Nathaniel was okay with that.

As he walked, he passed and greeted a few of his people animatedly but with the efficiency of a busy man. Due to that, quickly enough he was in his rooms, already taking off his clothes and walking naked despite the large, open windows that held a view to the other buildings that were also part of the Manor’s territory, which could also be called by Wesninski Headquarters, or North Headquarters. Behind them though, there was only the green of the countryside even if it was only a forty-minute drive to downtown Baltimore, and that was because the location of the Manor was strategic in a way that it was isolated despite its nearness to the city, due to the lush woods around it that were filled by fruit trees and spring flowers in full bloom. Nathaniel made sure to enjoy that isolation to the fullest despite de downsides of it, like the terrible road filled with holes and break springs that they needed to take to get to the area. And, well, his security personnel had learned its lesson from trying to look through the windows of his rooms.

In forty minutes, Nathaniel was coming out of his rooms again. His hair was wet, but his body was enveloped in a dark green tailored tux combined with the golden cufflinks and an also golden but discreet Rolex watch on his wrist, that stated his wealth but not in a gauche way. He walked quickly, checking on the watch again and again as he made his way up by the stairs. Even if it was still three p.m, they were already fucking late. They needed to speed things up. 

“Mr. Wesninski,” Giullietta was at the door of the Reunion Room 1 on the third floor. She looked lovely, as usual. Her brown hair was held tight in a bun on her nape, her dark brown eyes were outlined by soft black makeup and she looked put together even in jeans and a gray t-shirt, probably being used only due to the urgency for quickness of Kevin's call. And even if she lived in the Manor during the majority of her time, it was expected a bit of lateness since it was her rest day, but somehow she had managed to at least put her makeup on.

“Mrs. Zatorski,” Nathaniel grinned at the sight of her and kissed both of her cheeks in greeting.

“Wow, such a gentleman,” She mocked him.

“Oh, don’t you even dare begin. I’m a perfect gentleman all the time,” she just rolled her eyes at his mocking protests and grinned fondly at him. She knew him too well by now to fall for that and be scared of him. She had been his personal assistant for three years now. “Where are the others?”

“Probably getting ready. Kevin has sent word, and everybody is coming but Jean, who is at the security ward right now and won’t be able to make it to the meeting at all. Jean asked you to go over there before we leave tonight though and said that he will get Thea and Jack ready while managing to run security through the hotel of the Ball to make sure the police or the Moriyamas will not be there, as well as not being able to be contacted, or hear any part of it through any hidden microphones or cameras. He said something about wi-fi and that Laurent is the one working on it, so I bet everything will work out,” Giullietta parroted the information without a breath like she always used to do.

“Ok, let’s get in to wait for them, then.”

Nathaniel opened the door and walked into the room. There weren't windows in there, but it still was big, airy, and organized to project lightness and a clean organization, just like every other room of the Manor he reformed after his father's death. Before, the Manor had that type of dark decoration that seemed overwhelming and intimidating, but those days were long gone, along with his father and his cruel ruling, and Nathaniel's house needed to be a reflection of that, even if only for a short time.

He sat at the end of the glass table. Giullietta sat on his right, but skipped a seat since the seat on his right would always be Kevin’s place. They waited on pacific silence, Giullietta grabbing a laptop and opening it on the surface of the table to start to work on the emails he had surely received since he confirmed his presence at the Ball earlier that day right before he showered, and himself grabbing one of his phones — he had seven for different purposes — to respond some texts.

One of those was Andrew’s.

Fuck. He had forgotten.

They had a scene scheduled for tonight.

“Neil, I know this is not the time,” Giullietta started and grabbed Nathaniel’s attention back from his mild spiraling. “But you’ve been summoned in Toronto to meet your uncle tomorrow, and the day after you’ll be needed in Boston for a few days for the negotiation of a trade-off, and you know that Chase can’t do it without you, especially such major stuff.”

And there goes his chance to reschedule with Andrew for sometime within the week. Nathaniel sighed in resignation.

“That’s alright. We’ve seen it coming, especially after my confirmation for tonight. Just play nice and book my flights. Let Logan know that I’m going to use the penthouse in Toronto, so he needs to get it ready for me, and the same for Kristoff at the ranch outside Boston. Pass my duties in here to Kevin and Mary, and add those to their schedule but don’t overwhelm them. The things that can be postponed until my return must be postponed, so they don't need to do it for me. I’ll take Jean and the Muldani twins with me.”

Giullietta only nodded and started to type furiously as she followed his directions.

“Oh, and a report is deemed necessary to the Southeast,” Nathaniel remembered Dermott's request and told Giullietta, which made her glance at him and nod in understanding. He continued, “Make sure to have a hole in your schedule so you can do that without having to stay up at night. I’ll attend my own emails if I have to, just tell me alright? Don’t overwork yourself.”

“Don’t worry, boss,” she rolled her eyes and continued to type. “I might be pregnant but I'm in by only three months. I can still do multiple tasks at once just fine.”

“It doesn’t hurt to be careful. Alekhin will not be happy if he hears about you working too much and neither will I,” he pointed. 

Alekhin Zatorski was Giullietta’s husband and he was a Russian magnate that treated her like a queen, which was neither less or more than what she deserved. They had met at a New Year’s Party held in a CEO’s mansion in Manhattan three years ago, the first party Nathaniel had taken Giullietta with him as his partner/date, and they had hit it off immediately. But Alekhin was a gentleman and even courted her after asking Nathaniel’s permission once he realized who he was. Nathaniel liked him.

“He worries too much, and so do you. I’ll be fine,” and she smiled at Nathaniel’s still worried expression. But he knew he wouldn’t manage to convince her to work less unless she really needed to.

“Alright, alright,” Nathaniel rolled his eyes but smiled at her before returning to survey his texts.

Fuck, Andrew.

It had been three weeks since that amazing night of their first scene and three weeks since they had worked on an agreement. 

After a few hours of sleep, Nathaniel had woken up in Andrew’s chest at four a.m feeling incredible, exhausted, and deliciously sore. The scene was something Nathaniel hadn’t expected in his best dreams, even more considering that it was Andrew’s first. But it was perfect through and through and Nathaniel made sure to tell him that after he realized the man was awake. Reassurance could do wonders for one’s self-esteem and confidence, and why not give it to Andrew, who more than deserved it? So, he did it and they talked. They hadn’t been able to do it properly since their first date, still at the bar, and Nathaniel found that he kind of had missed it. In a distant and removed kind of way, obviously. 

In that talk, they had reached a few conclusions. First, neither of them was actually interested in anything more than sex and BDSM. Andrew had made clear that he didn’t want to involve himself in any kind of way in Nathaniel’s life and that he couldn’t risk putting people around him in danger because of it, which in turn, Nathaniel had assured him that it wouldn’t happen. Their relationship would be meaningless to anyone who looked from the outside and from the inside, since everyone knew Nathaniel didn’t do relationships and mostly that he didn’t share things to anyone outside his inner circle. Andrew wouldn’t be at risk by all means, but it took some time to convince the man that they could keep doing that, which Nathaniel didn’t understand at first but now he did, after the long-waited background check, that he had told Andrew he would do — _“You didn’t yet? I’m kind of disappointed, Mr. Crime Boss”_.

It seemed like Andrew had been involved in a gang in the city that was called The Snakes, led by Levi Moraes for the last fifteen years. They were one of the gangs Nathaniel most disliked. They trafficked drugs and worked as a ring, but they were violent, cruel, and bloodthirsty. Members had been accused of rape multiple times, and a few even of pedophilia, which were things Nathaniel _did not_ tolerate. Those were taken care of and Levi put a front every time it was necessary but Nathaniel had to keep a tight grip on them since they were somewhat still loyal to Nathan even after all this time. But Andrew’s background check didn’t tell much beyond the fact that he had been in the foster system till he was fifteen, which was when he moved from California to Baltimore to live with his twin brother, Aaron Minyard — a doctor in residency with a nice white-fence house, a wife and a little kid. Their mother died in a car crash a year later, and his cousin, one Nicky Hemmick, became his and his brother’s legal guardian right afterward. Probably due to lack of money, Andrew started at The Snakes at seventeen with the task of selling ecstasy and marijuana at highschool parties and outside of clubs, but had managed to escalate to a position in Levi’s inner circle in only two years — which was impressive. It didn’t say why or how he had done it on the file. But it said that, at that point, Andrew had already been enrolled in John Hopkins as an undergrad student, along with his brother, and probably was paying their student fees with the money earned from the job. It didn’t say if they had scholarships or had made a loan, but that was what Nathaniel guessed, at least. It was also at that point when Andrew had to pass through the Snake’s initiation — that was a secret even to Nathaniel but not undiscoverable if he really wanted to know — so he could effectively work in the inner circle. Something happened though and a year later, Andrew cut his ties to the gang with no visible collateral damage, which was strange, and went to Germany, where he finished his undergraduate studies and only came back to begin his grad and Masters in John Hopkins, along with a job as a substitute teacher at the university as well. Apparently, Andrew was a prodigy. 

Then the details became boring, more about the way Andrew’s career flowed and where he was now and etc. He had gotten Andrew’s address out of it, his e-mail, phone number — which he already had — some analysis of his routine and a few photos. There were pictures of him with a little girl, but that was filled as his cousin's kid that he usually took care of, even though they seemed pretty attached. But none of that was important. What was most important now to Nathaniel was how he could understand Andrew's reasoning better even though he knew there was much more to Andrew than this. 

So, even before that though, when they were still in bed at Velvet, and Nathaniel had his head on Andrew’s chest and they were talking about what to do, Andrew had seemed pretty determined that that would be their last encounter. He had told Nathaniel he had no intention of doing another scene with him or even going back to Hellhound Hole since he didn’t want to be near any kind of this “crime shit”. He had said “I won’t let myself put the people around me in danger because my dick likes you. I don’t know you, you don’t know me. And if we get involved more than what we already have, this will likely change and this is not something I can underestimate. I know what you do and I won’t have none of it in my life.” But the thing was that Nathaniel had one of the best scenes of his life, and he _knew_ that they kept scening together, they could learn so much from each other and about BDSM in general. They could do this. They were compatible and this was not something to take for granted in the scene, so in his post-orgasmic daze and giddy spirits, he managed to convince Andrew into this agreement: they fucked and learned just enough about each other to be able to trust each other to scene properly; they would work out a temporary contract on their next encounter; they wouldn’t get involved in each other’s personal lives; they would never talk about work, or family, or friends, if they’re not pertinent to their limits and boundaries, or for the purposes of basing their trust on each other; if they needed to talk about something that overstepped these limits for the sake of their BDSM relationship, they would reevaluate it.

It was reasonable, logical, practical, but most importantly, it got Nathaniel a chance to be fucked by Andrew again while keeping a distance that was smart and more secure for both of them.

It was everything Nathaniel wanted and _fuck his pride streak_ , which had been enough to tame his desire and curiosity all those weeks ago, but that had been before they had scened. Things were different now. Nathaniel wanted this and as the only obstacle — Andrew's will — was out of the way due to the security blanket their deal provided, Nathaniel would have it.

But, obviously, things would be a little bit more difficult from his side to make sure of it.

Now, he would have to reschedule their contract and scene date because of work. And he didn’t even know when he would be able to reschedule it.

_Hot Dom: Everything good for tonight?_

_N.A.W: I wish it were, but actually something came up. I will be busy for a week and I don’t know when I’ll be available again but I’ll let you know._

_Hot Dom: Ok. Don’t forget to take care of yourself._

_N.A.W: I will, Master._

_Hot Dom: Good boy._

Nathaniel did _not_ flush at that. He just answered his other texts normally in a complete non-smiling expression. However, when he looked up, Giullietta had an annoying shit-eating grin and an elevated eyebrow on her face.

“Not a word,” Nathaniel muttered while he pocketed his smartphone.

Before his irritating assistant could answer though, the rest of his team finally came through the door.

Kevin came in first, with a blazer and pressed pants, in his usual semi-formal attire while working at the Manor. Next, Mary walked in on her Louboutin heels and pressed skirt, her laptop in hand, and a grave expression on her face. After, Wymack, who looked confused, and irritated because he was confused.

“What is this about, kid?” Wymack asked as he sat on Mary’s side, which was on Nathaniel’s left in Jean’s absence.

“Remember the Ball today? The information was confirmed. We need to plan,” Nathaniel went straight to the point.

Mary looked shocked, but in a positive way, and Wymack cursed under his breath, which Nathaniel couldn’t be sure if it was in a good way or not. It didn’t matter though. In the next couple of hours, they planned. Every contingency that was possible to interfere in their objectives tonight was traced, as well as fast exit plans that were showcased by Kevin and endorsed by Wymack’s strategic and personal insight in case everything went to shit. They needed to be prepared, so prepare themselves they would. Jean was already working on the security on a long-distance level, but there would be a few of his people around the place as well so that if Nathaniel and Giullietta had need of assistance or protection, they would have it. Mary advised mostly on the plan itself and the execution of it, with a few details provided by both Kevin and Giullietta, who had in hand all the types of contact Nathaniel could count on that would be attending the event as well. 

When they ended the meeting and everyone went on their ways to prepare themselves or to just go back to their activities, Nathaniel was in the headspace he liked to call “polite and cold”. He was in a full leader mode and would not take anyone’s bullshit. As he was already ready in his tux and his hair was already dry, he went to supervise the rest of the activities to make sure that everything was in order, with Kevin on his side. His second was silent and offering advice quietly on his ear as they went and surveyed the staff running around the Manor to get ready.

The last thing they did before Nathaniel had to go to the car, was to see Jean.

They were already on the first floor, so they walked through the corridors till they arrived at the middle atrium that held the grand stairs, the hall of entrance in front of it, tons of corridors around it that led to the other parts of the building, and a huge area on the backside of it that held informal meeting rooms for the staff to use on the right and a huge living room on the left, that stretched itself to the limits of the atrium on its farthest wall. That part was graced with a grand fireplace that was kept lit 24/7 on winter, a crystal chandelier, and more than ten sofas scattered around the marble floor. On the right side, the informal meeting rooms of the staff were organized in an open area that was not divided by walls but rather by well-placed furniture that made the most of the space in a stylistic and comfortable way, showcasing available tables, chairs, armchairs, computers and lots of power plugs for free use. A few of the staff lounged there in their lunch hours or free time, but they were able to explore the garden as well, which was accessible by three double doors, placed at equal distance on the back wall, that was made fully of glass. With that, it made possible that natural light and the prettiest view of the sunset and the gardens filled the room, while also securing the path to the other buildings of the lands of the Manor. As Kevin and Nathaniel passed through there, they nodded curtly to the staff around there in their hurry and passed through the doors and into the gardens.

The gardens were another thing altogether but not less luxurious or tasteful. The pool was grand and could hold fifty bodies easily on it’s inside with comfort, while it was surrounded by as many chairs and tables for rare eventual guests to use on sunny days. It was more for show than anything, along with the barbecue lounge just outside of the doors. But around all of it, there was a maze of well-cared plants, flowers, and trees that accosted and led the way to the other Manor’s buildings, creating a beautiful path of flora that helped in eventual need to further camouflage. The one they were taking was almost surrounding the perimeter of the building they just left before taking a sharp turn left that would take them to the security ward, just at the edge of the Wesninski grounds.

The whole _promenade_ across the dirt and flowery journey was done in silence. Kevin could probably feel the coldness radiating from Nathaniel in waves and he had long ago learned not to read that as something personal. It was just Nathaniel preparing himself mentally to do what he had to do, which was not difficult by all means but it was still important enough to let him be more comfortable in his more calculated and cold-distanced headspace. He was strategizing even in his silence and Kevin knew better, so he let him be.

As they neared the security ward, Nathaniel analyzed the state of the construction. It was a three-story building that wasn’t big on the outside. It was colored in the same green of the trees around it and that was the only thing remarkable about it since the goal was to make it not remarkable at all. It was well kept, like anything or anyone under Nathaniel’s care since he made sure of it, but it was not too kept that it would be written as something overly important, even if it was maybe the second most important building he owned in the whole East Coast, behind only the Manor itself. It guarded almost all his secrets.

The first floor upon entrance was not remarkable at first view as well. It was like a little hall with a person on the front desk answering a few calls and liberating people by the only door to the insides of the building, right behind said desk. And it would be just that if you didn’t notice the cameras, the heavily weaponized person that was trained to kill and knock down anyone that wasn’t known, and the clear absence of any other furniture around.

“Mr. Wesninski, Mr. Day,” the girl on shift right now said with a slight bow of her head. “Mr. Moreau waits for you on the third floor.”

“Thank you,” Nathaniel nodded at her and made his way from around the desk to the door, which opened straight to an elevator. 

When it arrived, the elevator showed three underground floors that held a weaponry deposit, training rooms, lockers, and accommodations that provided the bedrooms, kitchens, and living rooms for his security personnel — which were more than scattered dozens — to use when on more than 12 hours shifts, along with the other three above the ground levels. The first was only the front door, but the other two held mainly the T. I security department that ensured the continued safety of the Wesninski network system that connected all his direct employees, almost all his work together throughout the country and also the Manor’s security. But there were a few of his most expert people in that department that also used their expertise to hack, control, delete and create anything the Wesninski Operation might deem necessary.

Needless to say why this building held quite the amount of his secrets.

Their trip up was made in silence.

Upon their arrival on the third floor, Jean’s voice reached them immediately.

“... can’t let this go wrong.”

“And when have I made a mistake?”

That second one was Laurent and Nathaniel already rolled his eyes in exasperation.

He and Kevin made their way through the sea of cubicles that were almost all empty by this hour to the office on the corner, which was right beside a strategizing room and a meeting room respectively.

“I assure you that I know you haven't made any mistakes since you were hired if only because you’ve made sure to tell me this repeatedly for the last hour or so, but that’s not why I’m asking you if everything is alright, and you should know better, Laurent,” Jean had a grave expression on his face and he was frowning while haunched on his hands and resting them on the wooden table in the middle of the room.

Behind said wooden table, was Laurent De Vere, which looked as blond and as arrogant as ever. He was typing excruciatingly fast on his computer and did not stray his eyes from the screen in front of him to answer his boss.

“And I’ve already answered you, dickhead. It’s not because we’re both french and that you’re my boss that you can keep breathing on my neck and demand that I do my job faster than it can be done. So leave me the fuck alone for a second and go to talk to Mr. Wesninski. He does not look pleased,” Laurent completed with a smirk, his fingers typing at lightspeed, and his eyes moving fast behind the square glass at the point of his nose.

That Laurent was one of the most perceptive people ever to exist, was one of the reasons why Nathaniel had hired him, but the fact that he was one of the best, if not _the best_ , hackers in Europe had helped as well so they could tolerate his less than amusing personality.

How Damen, Laurent’s husband, and Nathaniel’s greek-wrestling instructor, put up with that shit was beyond him.

Jean looked up from his glare directed to Laurent’s face to see Nathaniel and Kevin at the door.

“Good,” Jean sighed and walked over to them. He closed the door of the office and led them to the meeting room just beside it. He sat on one of the chairs around the circular table and waited for both Nathaniel and Kevin to sit before he began, openly concerned in a way he could be only in a room with those two people. “There was a ghost message on one of our servers. It might be nothing, but I’m not so sure. I’m having Laurent run it down to found who sent it.”

“Explain,” Nathaniel simply replied.

As Jean spoke what he had seen and what it might indicate, Nathaniel’s guts turned further into ice. Kevin made the questions Nathaniel couldn’t manage right now and by the end of it, dead silence reigned in the room.

Nathaniel took a deep breath and looked at his inked fingers. Smoke and Queen. His best friends, his brothers, and the people he trusted most in the world besides his mother.

They could do this.

“If it turns out to be what we fear, then we might have to proceed to make a contingency plan to make sure this threat is eradicated before it turns too late. But as it could be nothing but some teenagers too deep on the web that found shit that they shouldn’t, we stay put and let Laurent do what he does best. We don’t want to draw attention, and you know this. I’m grateful you stayed in here to proceed on this while we were at the meeting, but have you done what Giullietta asked of you?” Nathaniel asked seriously but not unkindly.

“Of course,” Jean answered in earnest and scoffed. “Who do you think I am? It’s all set. If it wasn’t it would have been the first thing I would’ve told you. There are people moving there already to stand by and I’ll coordinate everything from here. The operation begins as soon as you leave. And, by the way,” Jean looked at his black iron watch on his wrist. “Thea and Jack are probably ready and at the front gates by now, waiting for you at the car with Giullietta.”

“Excellent,” Nathaniel then stood up and Kevin did the same. But before they could leave, he turned back and looked at Jean. “Oh, and this next week’s schedule was rearranged because of some impromptu commitments we have to attend, so make sure to ready us for them while I’m out if you can manage.”

“I’ll be on it,” Kevin informed him with a firm nod that Nathaniel reciprocated.

They followed him out, Jean back to annoying Laurent and Kevin by his side and out of the building.

Soon enough, Nathaniel was in the backseat of his limo, with Giullietta by his side in a green dress made of silk that complemented well enough his own green tux, and both the Muldani twin’s on the front seat to drive him and secure him in the close quarters of the ball. The drive was silent, but when they arrived at the hotel, Nathaniel secured a second to look at Giullietta.

“Ready, boss?” Giullietta smiled. Her confidence and easy-going nature were one of her best traits, but the fact that she was a manipulative and meticulous viper on the inside while being efficient and organized, was what made Nathaniel always ask her to accompany him on these kinds of missions. Her abilities fitted well with his own, for improvisation skills and instinctive leadership, and she also managed to balance the fact that sometimes he was too calculating to be able to feel the emotions and the social cues of the room, which she could do quite well. They were a well-oiled machine by that point, and he took a deep breath as he remembered that he had no reason to worry at all with Giullietta there to indicate to him something he wouldn’t be able to see. She was his eyes and his heart on this.

He smiled.

“Ready. Let’s go.”

He opened the door and soon the flash of the paparazzi was blinding him. He smiled through it, and grabbed Giullietta’s arm, guiding her through the sea of photographers at the front of the hotel that would be holding the ball. Jack’s bulk body helped to clear the way and soon they were at the entrance of the hotel and away from the vultures. 

As soon as they were led into the ballroom though, Nathaniel’s eyes had already managed to eye their target for the night. 

Nathaniel didn’t notice the chandeliers, the expensive food or drinking, or how good the music was. This was not his first rodeo and all of them went quite the same in that aspect. No, what was worthy of attention was what happened around all of that. The people, their wealth, and their schemes. The scheming itself was the goal.

They made their way across the room, greeting old acquaintances and assessing new opportunities of collaborations with people that only thought of him as the multi-billionaire heir who had sold his father’s companies and used the money on smart investments before they made their way to their objective. There was a man past his sixties with blond sand hair that was turning white who didn’t look much from the outside, but certainly was the most important person in the room, and not only for their perspective. He was the host of the event and all eyes were on him.

Nathaniel plastered a smile on his face as he approached the man, Giullietta on his elbow looking gorgeous as ever. His smile was reciprocated with one just as polite and constricted. He extended his hand and shook firmly the wrinkled one before him.

“Senator Reynolds. It’s been a long time.”

~

“Mrs. Vervloet, for the last time: I will _not_ increase your grade. You wanted to text during classes and that’s the consequence. Now, if you could leave, I would appreciate it. Good luck with the summer courses.”

Andrew’s patience was running thin. It was his last day of class before summer break and he was due to pick up Thalia at Nicky’s for a cinema night. They would do popcorn, savory and sweet, and drink coke while singing to the latest Disney adventure of that year. It would be great and he really wanted to spend time with his little girl, but this whiny pitiful excuse of a student was staying on his way to the door.

“Mr. Minyard, _please_ —”

“ _No_.”

Something in his tone must have changed since the girl stopped short and her eyes widened. This type of change had been happening more lately and Andrew was really trying to manage it so he wouldn’t scare his students or his daughter, but sometimes stuff like that happened, this forceful attitude he pulled. In the last month, it had been happening with more frequency than he would’ve liked. If he had had the opportunity to scene in the meantime, maybe this would’ve lessened or maybe not, but the fact was that Andrew never liked the word please, and he would only tolerate it from his kid or from his sub. And this girl was neither.

Thankfully, she only nodded and _finally_ left his office.

He took in a deep breath to calm his nerves. After a while and he was sure he had calmed himself somewhat, he grabbed his phone to see if Neil had sent any text since his last one, a week ago but found himself still not answered. 

It was fine. Andrew still had that insecurity that Neil’s absence was a way for the man to distance himself away from Andrew again, but why would he when _he_ was the one who had insisted over and over that they should keep in touch and learn from each other in the most pleasurable of ways? Besides, if Neil said he was busy, it was most likely true since, you know, he was a crime boss and Andrew could recall quite well his memories from the short time he had been in Levi’s inner circle to know that in-depth. And even then, Neil was on a whole another level than Levi’s. He was more important, therefore more occupied, and that was the only thing Andrew knew was sure since Neil was the owner of the Hellhound Hole, but he didn’t know how much more important than that he was and he didn’t want to know either. It was better this way. It was their agreement and the only way Andrew would allow himself to see Neil still.

It was enough to risk as it was.

Andrew shook his head as he tried to clear his head from the continuous path his mind has been taking in the last month — _rethinking, rethinking, rethinking_ — and started to pack his things to leave for the day.

He left his office with his blazer on his shoulders despite the heat and the messenger bag he carried everywhere poking on his hips as he walked. He nodded to a few of his students at the halls and got out of the Biomedical Department and walked his way through the door that would land him on the Medicine Square. His walk through campus was a comfortable one. In the early evening, the breeze was gentle on his face and the campus was quiet already. 

As he reached the parking lot though he stopped and then nothing was quiet anymore.

What was he seeing? It couldn’t be. It surely wasn’t. Andrew was hallucinating, it was the only explanation. Why the hell would Neil be in there if not by a disease influenced image?

But he was there, Andrew concluded well enough as he took a step further. Neil was leaning on an orange Harley-Davidson FXDR 114, his arms were crossed under his leather jacket and he looked like fucking James Dean reborn or something. He even had Ray-Ban sunglasses on, but it didn’t conceal much since he was clearly concentrating on lighting and putting off a lighter while passing his finger through the flame. But that was before he took his sunglasses off and his blue eyes smiled at Andrew from a distance as he saw him approaching, and his tattooed hands waved at him after he pocketed the lighter.

Andrew saw red.

He approached Neil with fast and forceful strides, whose expression crumbled when he saw Andrew’s, and practically gritted between his teeth when he was near enough.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Well, obviously to see you,” Neil tried to smile but it came out confused.

“And what the fuck happened with the fucking agreement of not mixing fucking sex and fucking work?”

Oh, Andrew was _fucking_ furious. This was a break of their agreement and this was exactly why Andrew had been adamant it existed in the first place. And the worst part of it was that Neil’s smile might have faltered but he didn’t seem sorry in the slightest.

“Oopsie,” was all he said as he blinked innocently at Andrew.

_Oopsie._

Fucking.

Oopsie.

How—

“How do you fucking dare say ‘oopsie’ to my face you ass—”

“Hey!” Neil stopped him with a stunned expression. As if he was surprised Andrew was angry at all. It was insane. “Don’t you go there. And besides, I didn’t break our agreement in any way, and that’s because,” he continued before Andrew could protest. “I didn’t enter the building, nor asked anything about your job. I’m not interfering. I only happen to know where your work is by the information _you_ gave me, and then I have your hours because of the check I _told you_ would happen. Why shouldn’t I use it?” He shrugged. Neil must have sensed Andrew wasn’t buying his shit with the way he recoiled a bit and looked to the ground before adding somewhat shyly. “And I wanted to surprise you.”

Andrew’s reply died on the tip of his tongue.

“I’m really sorry I couldn’t text since last week,” Neil continued, an uncertain smile on his face now that Andrew’s glare now had somewhat subdued, but his expression didn’t give him anything other than blankness. “I had work to do and couldn’t afford to get distracted like I would if I talked to you. But I thought about you, about our contract and how I wanted to scene with you again soon,” his smile was getting brighter by the second Andrew didn’t interrupt him. “And then I thought I could borrow a little bit of your time to at least say this to your face instead of over the phone. Maybe grab a coffee somewhere so we can schedule a new date to talk about our contract and the next scene?” Neil ended with his lower lip between his teeth and a hopeful look on his eyes.

The anger hasn’t faded in any circumstance, but Andrew found himself getting calmer by Neil’s words either way. How dare Neil be so adorable? He was a murderer who also did other horrible things that only God-knows-what, his fuckbuddy, and nothing else. The boundaries they had established worked because they would remind them of that during every step of the way, but here was Neil, on the first opportunity that had come through, already overstepping those boundaries, even if it was slightly. He was calmer but Neil shouldn’t have done that either way.

“Don’t do stuff like that _ever_ again. We have limits and we can only do this if we respect each other’s limits. This is one of mine, so don’t trespass that again or we’re fucking done. I don’t want you involved in my life more than we agreed to, and you know why. I don’t need to repeat myself. If you want to meet me, call before,” Andrew said with an expression still closed off but Neil smiled all the same and nodded in understanding.

“Does that mean we can grab a coffee?”

Andrew sighed and looked at his watch. He still had half an hour before he was due to pick up Thalia, so he supposed they could go to the dinner that was near Nicky’s for a bit since it was already near where he was going anyway.

“Yeah. But I have an appointment in half an hour so let’s make this quick. Follow me on your bike.”

Neil nodded, hopped up, and put on his helmet while Andrew got inside his own car. As he turned it on, he watched Neil on his bike from the rearview mirror and _damn_ if that wasn’t a hot vision. Even if the orange of the vehicle was horrendous.

The ride was quick since the dinner, and therefore Nicky’s house, wasn't really far away from the John Hopkins campus, and soon they parked beside one another. Andrew left his blazer on his car and rolled his sleeves to his elbow as Neil hopped off the bike and took off his helmet.

“So you’re a bike lover then,” Andrew said as he clicked the door of his car closed.

“I suppose I am. They’re faster than cars and they suit me just fine,” Neil smiled and grabbed a pack of cigarettes from his jacket’s pocket. He offered one to Andrew and he took it after Neil lightened it for him.

“How many of them do you have?” Andrew asked in the middle of the drags. Oh, he had missed nicotine dearly.

“Five,” Neil was grinning between drags too. “But this one is my favorite. I call her Foxy.”

Andrew almost smiled at that.

“Like your back tattoo.”

That tattoo was gorgeous, just like the owner. It was huge and took almost the entirety of Neil’s back: a huge fox face in geometrical tracing, the burning red eyes of it the only color other than black in the whole entirety of Neil’s almost completely inked body.

“Exactly,” Neil nodded in satisfaction for the association. “She was my first too. Just like the fox was my first tattoo.”

That was interesting. Andrew almost asked why Neil liked foxes so much to have an association with the animal on his body and on his favorite bike but he kept his mouth shut. It seemed personal, and Andrew wasn’t ready to begin to tread the fine line between things they could say or not to each other to build trust just yet. If Neil wanted to tell him, he would.

So, instead of replying to that, Andrew just hummed and continued to drag his cigarette while looking at Neil’s beautiful face. Neil stared at him as well, and they remained in comfortable silence, with Neil’s small smile on his satisfied face and Andrew in contemplation of the choices he made that had led him here.

When their cigarettes ended, they walked inside the dinner without a word.

They sat at a corner booth, Neil took off his jacket, and a waitress came to them almost instantly. They ordered their coffee — Andrew’s with milk and sugar and Neil’s black — and soon they were being placed in front of them.

“So, do you have a draft of the contract?” Neil asked as he sipped on his cup, his lean but muscled tattooed arms flexing and being thoroughly distracting.

“I do, actually,” Andrew had looked up models on the internet. “But I wanted for us to take a quiz before we did that, though. And this encounter to be separated on different days of our next scene so I can plan properly. If that’s alright with you.”

“That would be amazing, actually,” Neil seemed satisfied with the idea and a gorgeous grin painted his lush lips. _Concentrate, Andrew_. “It would be the most advisable anyway since we have to know certain things about each other but don’t want to be intrusive. A great idea, Master.”

If Neil kept throwing _that_ around they were going to have a problem for the fact that Andrew shuddered _every fucking time_. Neil knew that if his sly smile was any indication.

“Neil—”

The door of the dinner chimed. 

Andrew didn’t know exactly what would have made him look. If it was the cadence, if it was the sound of the steps that followed or if it was his peripheral vision that recognized something before his brain did. As it was, Andrew watched almost in slow motion as two people walked inside the place and locked eyes with him.

“Dad!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this!
> 
> Talk to me on the comments, on Twitter by @sunabram or on Tumblr by @jostenrun. Give me kudos as well, I love kudos!
> 
> See you guys next Friday! <3


	7. like an eggshell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Explanations and conversations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!
> 
> Sorry for the delay - again - but, well. College is eating me alive. So there is that.  
> Anyways, SO SORRY - am I though? - FOR THE CLIFFHANGER LAST CHAPTER HAHAHAHA I promise it was for the best. Also, I loved seeing your reactions to that. It fed my soul, really. I love you guys. 
> 
> Now, in this chapter, there are the explanations of somethings you've been wondering for a while, but not all of it. No, that wouldn't be fun at all, would it be?
> 
> TW's: violence, blood, explicit forced drug use, explicit torture, hallucinations induced by drug, manipulation, mentions of violence, mentions of trauma, mentions of past abuse, mention of mental illness.
> 
> And I think that's it for this one. As usual, if there is anything I might've missed or any mistakes, please comment for me to fix it!
> 
> Hope you like it!

“Dad!”

Thalia came barreling in like a hurricane as soon as she had locked her eyes with his. She jumped on him, making his glasses almost fall off his face, and hugged the life out of him. For the first time ever he didn’t hug back instantly for he was panicking too much that his little girl was in front of a crime boss right now.

“Hey, sunflower,” Andrew thankfully managed to keep his voice steady and grabbed her by the arms to pull her back softly. She was smiling at him with her big green eyes wide while he righted his glasses and she was about to start rambling but before she could, Nicky spoke.

“Oh, Andrew! Hi!” His cousin made his way to them. Andrew couldn’t look at Neil. Not now. “We just came here to grab the pancakes you like before you came to grab her. She told me all about your cinema night and we wanted to surprise you,” everyone wanted to surprise him that day? Fuck that. Nicky was smiling softly but stopped short as he caught sight of Neil. Then the line of his mouth became malicious. “Uuuuh, and who is _that?_ ”

“Hi, I’m Neil,” the redhead said and then Andrew couldn’t keep his eyes away from him anymore. The redhead was smiling and offering his hand for Nicky to shake, who readily took it. “I’m Andrew’s friend.”

“Ok, Mr. tattooed and hot. I like you, but take care of my cousin, huh?” Nicky winked at him.

Neil’s expression became too innocent and Andrew knew that he would say something that would make him both _go_ red or _see_ red.

“Oh, you shouldn’t worry. He is the one taking care of me just fine, actually.”

Go red he went then.

He choked on his drink and almost spit it on his daughter, who was still in his arms.

“Daddy?” she looked concerned.

He took a deep breath and smiled strained at her.

“I’m fine, baby. Why won’t you and Nicky go order the pancakes before we leave, yeah?”

She nodded and started to bounce but then she noticed Neil’s presence. Her eyes widened as her gaze zeroed on his hands and exposed arms.

“You have so many drawings!” She exclaimed and reached to grab one of Neil’s inked hands before Andrew stopped her.

“What have we talked about touching without permission?” Andrew reprimanded softly with a hand on her arm. She looked down with shame.

“That we should ask first,” she mumbled under her breath.

“It’s alright,” Neil piped in with a smile on his face and offered his hand for her to take. “You can touch and look at them.”

When she grabbed his hand hesitatingly and started to ask what was everything, Andrew had to blink his eyes to see if he wasn’t hallucinating. His daughter, the most precious part of his life, was talking to Neil, the pipe dream that was too dangerous for them but whom he couldn’t seem to make himself leave. And they were interacting. And Neil was being kind to her. And she was liking him.

He shouldn’t let those two parts of his life mingle. Perhaps he should end this before it went too far.

“Sunflower, that’s enough,” Andrew interrupted one of her questions about why Neil used french for the phrases on his left side but before she protested, as she clearly wanted to do, he continued, “We need to leave if we want to watch that many movies tonight, right? Go with Nicky and wait for me outside. I’ll be right behind you.”

She pouted and grumbled about it being unfair to her but complied in the end and went to meet Nicky, who was waiting on the line. Before she could fully turn and leave though, she beamed at Neil.

“Goodbye, Mr. Neil. Your drawings are cool.”

“Goodbye, little girl,” Neil chuckled and waved in response.

Andrew waited and followed his kid with his eyes till she was out of the door with his cousin before turning to look at Neil again, whose face now seemed thoughtful but carefully blank.

“Why does she count as the neighbor's daughter and not yours in the file I received? You must have managed to pull quite the strings to not even my people to be able to find out that.”

Well. Shit.

Andrew looked down at his cup of coffee and considered his options. To lie? To tell the truth? Where this could lead him? He didn’t want to give Neil something he couldn’t take back, and he _couldn’t_ trust such a thing with someone that risky, that could drag out his past from its tomb with only a snap of his fingers.

He couldn’t lie, but he couldn’t tell the truth either.

“You sure found out about my past with The Snakes,” Andrew began and looked at Neil, who nodded. “I wanted out, and I wanted to protect her. She had just been born and she was vulnerable, and I just couldn’t wait or risk a backlash from Levi. So I did what I had to do,” he shrugged.

He hoped that this would suffice. Neil just kept looking at him, his face blank, and Andrew remembered, maybe for the first time with such vividness since they met, that his man was dangerous.

“Is she yours?” Neil asked seriously.

 _Biologically his_ , goes unspoken.

Andrew nodded.

“But you’re cis and gay.”

Andrew nodded again. He had told Neil that on their first date.

“There is another person?…”

“A woman. Cisgender. Straight.”

Neil looked at him blankly as if considering what the fuck had happened, because surely there ways for gay people having biological kids in those conditions, but he didn’t seem to want to ask.

It wouldn't matter, anyways. It wasn’t a pretty story to tell, even if Andrew had made peace with it years ago.

“That’s all I need to know. For now,” Neil added. “But I don’t want lies. I respect your secrets and what you might want to keep for yourself, but not a lie. Never a lie.”

“The same goes for you, I suppose,” Andrew carefully said.

Neil nodded.

“Yeah. It goes for me too, and that’s exactly why I’m not going to go after the answers I want. Because of mutual respect. For you, our agreement, and the sense that I will keep things for myself as well. For both yours and mine's safety. There is only one more thing I need to know, actually.”

Andrew gestured for him to go ahead.

“This whatever you had to do to secure your daughter and her connection to you. Was it a background plan if something went wrong or was this your only plan?”

Andrew frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Neil elaborated. “Was she your main goal of protection? Or did you protect yourself as well?”

Oh. That.

“I protected myself as well. For her, and for my family mostly. But I did.”

Neil sighed as if he was relieved.

“Good. If you were hiding from them, I would need to take more precautions on being seen with you. I don’t want to ruin any of your plans by calling you by your name or whatever.”

“Oh, that’s fine,” Andrew rolled his eyes. “I took care of it a long time ago. I’m not hiding, and if I were, they knew me by another name back then.”

“But Andrew’s your birth name,” Neil frowned. Well, surely he knew that, he probably even had Andrew’s birth records.

“Yeah, they just never knew it,” Andrew shrugged. “But, anyways. I must go,” he took a few notes from his wallet to pay for their coffee and began to stand. Neil stood as well. They stopped in front of each other beside their table. “Send me a date in which you're available, and we’ll schedule our contract meeting.”

“Sure will. Thanks for the coffee by the way. I’ll see you soon,” Neil smiled at him.

Andrew only nodded and they walked to the door quietly. 

Outside, they parted ways without saying anything. Neil just hopped on his bike, put on his helmet, waved, and left. Andrew was standing beside his car, his daughter, and cousin by his side.

“Daddy, who was that?” Thalia poked him on his legs.

“He is a person I know,” Andrew answered while grabbing her from her armpits and putting her on his hip. She was growing fast and soon he wouldn’t be able to do this anymore, so he would enjoy it while he could.

If he was keeping her close out of reminiscent fear, no one had to know.

“Why have I never met him before? His drawings are cool,” Thalia was saying as he opened the back door of his car and put her down on the seat.

“Because,” he put on the seatbelts around her. “He is a very busy man and so am I. Now, we’re going to Nicky’s to get your stuff, and then we’re going to begin our cinema night.”

“Yeeeeeey!” and as Thalia was bouncing from the excitement on her seat, he knew he had managed to distract her with success.

He closed the door with one last smile to his baby girl before turning to his cousin, who was watching silently.

“Is everything alright?” Nicky asked with a frown.

His relationship with Nicky had never been easy, but he knew his cousin loved him and tried to be good for him, for them. He even managed to convince Erik to move to the States after Andrew came back from Germany so he could live closer to his goddaughter, which was much more than Andrew could have ever hoped. He knew that if Thalia was growing up to be such a kind, loving, funny and smart girl, it was because his godfather had a say on her creation and gave her all the love she deserved when Andrew couldn’t. Nicky’s help was essential and valued. And that was why Andrew answered his cousin honestly.

“No,” Andrew sighed. “But it will be. Don’t worry. It’s just complicated.”

“Do you want to talk?” Nicky’s expression now was worried.

“I’ll talk to Bee,” Andrew conceded after a beat. 

Nicky always told him if he would not speak with him, he should at least talk to someone, and it was on that terms that he had met Bee ten years ago.

“Good,” Nicky nodded gravely but then a sly smile grew on his face. “I don’t care if that guy is tattooed and Hot with capital H, if he fucks with you, I’ll end him.”

Andrew snorted. 

Oh, Nicky had no clue. Apparently, Andrew hadn’t either if he, a mere teacher with a sketchy past, thought he could deal with Neil.

“Sure thing, Nicky,” he moved and opened the driver’s door of his car. “See you at your house.”

He sat, closed the door, and drove.

~

“Hello, Andrew. How are you doing?”

“I’m fine, Bee. How are you?”

“Oh, I’m fine,” she smiled on the edge of her hot chocolate cup. It was visible even through the screen of his cellphone. They were facetiming this conversation due to Andrew’s lack of free schedule to go to her office or her house. And because it was the middle of the night. “Casey says hi, by the way.”

“Say hi to her for me. I’ll return her book by this week, I promise.”

“Do not worry,” Bee’s smile was peaceful as she talked about her wife. “Take as long as you need to read it, you know that.”

Andrew nodded but did not say anything else, which Bee knew meant he wouldn’t change his mind. She just sighed fondly at him.

Betsy Dobson used to be Andrew’s therapist when he was a teenager, but then with the years rolling by, she became family. She was the only person in the world that knew _everything_ about Andrew and she was his best friend, mom figure, ex therapist, and favorite cookie baker. Since he came back from Germany she couldn’t keep consulting him due to their more intimate relationship — _“It would be unprofessional, Andrew, you know this. Stop asking me to come back attending you if you want any cookies after Sunday dinner.”_ — but she always listened to him nonetheless. In a more familial capacity.

“Are you going to Aaron’s on Sunday?” Andrew asked as he sipped his own chocolate mug.

“Of course, I have Connor’s gift to give since I lost last Sunday’s dinner.”

Andrew rolled his eyes.

“Honestly, Bee. You’re going to spoil those kids rotten. Thalia is coming out of it alive, but if Connor becomes too much of a spoilt brat, I’ll not take care of him ever again and fuck what Aaron thinks.”

“I’m aware of it, and we both know that what you said is a lie. You spoil them just as much as I do and Thalia would break your ears by shrinking that she misses her cousin all day long if you never took Connor in again. Those two are attached at the hip and you wouldn’t dare to break their bond.”

She wasn’t wrong but he wasn’t going to tell her that, so he just hummed and sipped again on his mug.

“So, what is the reason for this call, honey?” Bee’s eyebrow was elevated on the screen.

Both of them knew that even though Andrew called constantly during the weekdays, normally it wouldn’t be on facetime, with a mug full of hot chocolate on his hand, unless he wanted to _talk._

Ok, he couldn’t stall anymore.

“I need your clarity, Bee.”

“You have it, now tell me what happened.”

Andrew sighed and rubbed his fingers on his eyes beneath the lenses of his glasses.

“I told you about Neil, right?”

“The crime Lord, yes,” her eyebrow was more elevated now. 

He had told her he had this date with a criminal but that it would be a one-time-only thing, and that was it. But of course, Bee read between the lines when he had said Neil was the owner of the Hellhound Hole. She knew enough about the city’s dynamics in its underworld from his own experiences that he had shared with her, and she was smart.

He sighed again. It was still difficult, even after all those years, to be seen like this. To be so known.

“What about him?” Bee prompted further.

“I’ve seen him again. We scened together.”

“Oh,” she stood straighter on her chair. She knew about his penchant for BDSM, the whys, and buts. She knew everything. She always thought that as long it was safe, sane, and consensual — which were the principles of BDSM — everything was valid. 

Foremost, she was the one that sent him reading material about BDSM, back when she was still just his therapist. 

Andrew had told her about his sexual dissatisfaction, that at first, he thought was related to the abuse he suffered when younger and he told her that maybe he should just give up sex for good and fuck what his body said to him. But she would have none of it because he still felt lust, so it wasn’t a case of asexuality. So, she searched for an answer along with him on their sessions: about what he found lacking when in bed, about what he desired, about what he thought of when wanking. And then, she found BDSM and sent stuff to him. And even though Andrew liked it, he had seen himself on a lot of the things he had read, he just didn’t act on it. The sex-buddies he had had weren’t interested in it the same way he was, he was always busy, and he didn’t think it would make such a difference in the end. 

How wrong he was.

Bee didn’t like the idea of him being resigned to dissatisfaction, but she never judged. Neither his tastes nor his cowardness to pursue them. 

He loved Bee.

“Yeah,” he sighed and averted his eyes from the screen of his phone. 

He looked out of the window of his office — where he was resting on the chair and had his phone propped by some of his books to keep it upright. The night sky was a deep blue and the warm wind of the beginning of the summer was coming in with a gentle breeze, moving his papers slightly enough that he didn’t need to worry about it. Thalia was already asleep after their movies session, which held a total of two movies and her falling asleep in the middle of the second, and everything was quiet in their neighborhood. He was thankful for that because now he had the time and the silence necessary to talk to Bee and sort his feelings out.

“I know it’s dangerous. I wanted to know what would it be like to scene with him for real, and that wondering was driving me fucking crazy for the whole month, and you always keep telling me that it’s better to live stuff than keep regretting not having done it,” Andrew turned his gaze back to the screen at her scoff, but she didn’t interrupt, she just kept looking at him attentively. “I kind of wanted my first scene to be with him too, to be honest,” Andrew proceeded quietly. “I know it might seem emotional, but I only truly faced what I wanted for my sex life after our date and, well. I had it once, and I wanted it again. One last time and it was going to be ok. I would say goodbye, never see him again, and begin to look for other scene partners. Plus, it just seemed right,” Andrew shrugged and looked down, embarrassed about his own thoughts, the ones that he hadn’t quite the courage to admit to himself but when did he manage to hide something from Bee? 

Never. Never is the answer.

“But?” Bee asked carefully, her voice giving nothing. Her eyes only held the same amount of love that still made Andrew feel fidgety even through a screen.

“The bastard is really persuasive,” Andrew scoffed and sipped on his mug while remembering that night almost a month ago. “I had planned to see him only once more to satisfy my curiosity so then I could move on and never risk anyone again, but Neil… He is persuasive.”

Persuasive was a word to define Neil, for sure. He could still see the way Neil smiled, giggled, and kissed him after he woke up from his nap on Andrew’s chest. He looked completely fucked out, and so, so beautiful. Andrew was a man with a strong will but even he had his weakness. Apparently, Neil’s blue eyes and kisses on his jaw did the trick to get him to agree with the _madness_ that was their agreement. Sure, he still managed to impose some limits and boundaries but the fact that there was an agreement at all that stipulated that they would see each other again? Crazy, and all Neil’s fault.

“What he persuaded you to do?”

“Basically he insisted that if we had some boundaries, there wouldn’t be many risks and that we could still see each other, scene together mostly, and have our own lives. That we just wouldn’t mix things up. That it would be fine that way because I wouldn’t involve myself in his shit and neither would he in mine.”

“And you believed him?” Bee had an eyebrow raised right now.

“Yeah,” Andrew sighed. Again. He was sighing a lot that night. God, talking about feelings was taxing, but Andrew knew he needed to push through it. He learned that years ago. So, he continued. “But I’m kind of... Apprehensive. Today he showed up in the parking lot of the university, claiming that he wanted to see me, but we had agreed to don’t mix our lives with all of this shit. I told him to don’t do that again if he wanted us to scene together, that that was a breach of our deal, and he agreed but… I don’t know. I’m not sure if he really agreed to it or if he wanted to only get me to drink coffee with him. I’m not sure of anything and that worries me. You know how I need having control and I feel like in that situation I have none at all. I’m worried that this… Affair… Even with limits, might put everything I built since I came back in jeopardy. And I don’t even need to begin with how fucking terrified I am if this thing I have with him brings any harm to any of you. He is fucking dangerous, Bee. And if not him, he surely has enemies and... It’s a fucking mess.”

Fuck, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. 

He put his head between his hands, that were raised by his elbows resting on the table, and took a deep breath, trying to control his wayward thoughts and his scared heart. He was finally letting out something that has been on his mind since day one, and it felt just as good as it was terrible. At least, he was talking to Bee, from all people.

“Andrew,” Now it was Bee’s time to sigh. He looked up, his head still between his hands to see that from the other side of the screen, she put her cup down and folded her hands on top of the table she was using to hold her cellphone through the call. It looked like her kitchen table but Andrew couldn’t be sure. “You are the most strong and protective person I know. And I _know_ that if anything might even be slightly risky to your family, you would move hell and heaven to protect them. Us. Much like you did all those years ago, am I not right?”

Andrew shrugged and looked down at the hands he was moving to his lap, which were twitching with the emotional dryness he was feeling. He had already talked too much for today. He knew he would need to talk more, but he would take a rest when he could.

“So if Neil threatens that protection and the life you fought so hard to build, I _know_ that you will stop him. Hell, I know that as a last resort you might even get us all in the trunk of your car and get us out of town before anything happens,” Bee continued. Andrew lifted his eyes slightly to look at her at that. She looked serious and exasperatedly fond of him. It was too much and Andrew couldn’t do this looking at her anymore, so he turned his eyes to the hands positioned on his lap again. “You are strong enough to stop him from doing everything you don’t want him to do to you or to us, and if you’re not, you’re clever and will find a way out of it if it comes to it. You have more control over this than you give yourself credit. Besides, has he ever overstepped any of your physical boundaries?”

“No. He seems to really respect those, actually,” Andrew reminisced on all the times Neil seemed simply to _get them_ , without asking or prodding for an explanation. Andrew raised one of his hands and bit on the corner of his thumbnail gently. It was a nervous habit he never managed to entirely quit.

“Good,” Bee said and her voice seemed pleased, but then it turned more serious again. Andrew’s eyes kept fixated on his lap. “I’m going to be honest here, Andrew. I can see plenty of advantages in keeping a relationship of the kind with Neil since it would help you figure out more about yourself, about BDSM, about what you desire, and this deep attraction that you feel seems to go both ways, which is something that I normally would encourage you to pursue. However, you’re taking a high-risk keeping in touch with this man and getting in a relationship with him that might seem superficial but it’s rather not. If it were just vanilla sex it might’ve been ok, but it’s BDSM. And I have a feeling you are a truly attentive, gentle Dom, which brings up the whole thing about caring. You care about this man, Andrew, and that’s when the thing gets tricky. Because even though it’s concerning, what you should be more careful about it’s not the risks of his crime life affecting you, but how he affects you at all. And that’s due to the possibility that if it comes the time in which his profession becomes a danger, you need to be able to step back without hurting yourself.”

Fuck Bee. Fuck her.

He did not care about Neil. That was stupid.

He turned his eyes up to the screen but stopped short as he took in Bee’s severe expression. She was worried, deeply so.

“I know you might not be at the point in which you care about him in a more deep perspective, but I know you do care about him just enough that you mind his well-being, his pleasure. Only the fact that you spent so much time, a month you said, thinking about seeing him again… And we both know that this is already more than what you had with other partners of yours since—”

“Yeah, Levi.”

She nodded gravely. They hadn’t talked about Levi in a long, long time. And they wouldn’t if Andrew had anything to say about it.

“I see your point,” Andrew took a deep breath. Bee was frowning but it was more a sad expression than upset and he really wanted to soothe her but how could he do that now that himself wasn’t feeling calm? “What do you think I have to do, Bee? Do I end things before we scene together again? Do I keep this and work really hard to keep those limits so I can have any resemblance to security? What do I do?”

Bee kept silent for a while. She had that slightly twitchy face that said she was trying to think with her head and not with her heart, and he really appreciated it. Sometimes she couldn’t though, and he was glad of those times too because that meant she cared. But now he needed logic, he needed a fucking plan on how to proceed on this. 

This had been the first time Neil disregarded, even if only slightly, their deal, and he already felt _so off-kilter_. Obviously, he had already been off about this, but this was a trigger he did not see coming so quickly, which was worrisome on its own. Besides, he knew the bastard had a bratty side, so this probably wouldn’t be a one-time-thing since Neil seemed like the type of sub that, when not completely neglecting rules, would manipulate them to his own favor. And the shittiest part of it all is that, if the situation wasn’t so fucked up, Andrew might’ve even had enjoyed more a sub with that kind of behavior.

He needed to know if Bee thought he could do this if he could keep himself and Neil in check. And he knew that if Bee didn’t, he _truly_ wouldn’t be able to do it.

“I think,” Bee began carefully. “That this is a very serious decision and that I don’t know Neil, which makes a difference for me on how to read the situation. However, I know you. And as I said before, I know that you have the strength to stand up for your limits and for the protection of your family if needed, even if you care about the someone you’re protecting them from, because you’ve done this before. Besides, we have the police too, even if you don’t like relying on them. The thing that is worrisome though is that you always seem to forget about protecting yourself and I am concerned that if you continue with this, you will do everything to protect us, but not yourself. Am I wrong?”

Andrew didn’t say a thing.

Bee sighed.

“As I feared. I need to ask one thing though. What do you think this might be for Neil? Do you think he might reciprocate this caring? What might be his position through this?”

That was a good fucking question. 

Neil was still just as much an enigma as he was when they had met, all those weeks ago. But, it would be daft of him to not take into account the things that had happened since then and how Neil treated him compared to others. How Neil seemed to be just as funny and caring as he was dark and cold. And how Neil never, ever, did something in his presence that could be considered truly, truly reckless. Even on their last encounter on Hellhound, with the improvised leash and everything, Neil mulled the thing over and over in his head and thought about every possible consequence that might have affected his business. At least that was what the look on his face had told Andrew, and afterward, when Neil was sated, giggling and clinging to Andrew like a koala, he still presented some pretty logical points that based that decision, as if he had already thought about that before. So, if Neil took the chance of hopping up his bike and coming after Andrew, he must have been sure that it wouldn't have serious consequences that would threaten his business… Or Andrew. Because Neil had shown his care earlier that day, didn’t he? Asking about his past but still making sure to leave Andrew’s secrets untouched. Still, Neil seemed too untouchable by logic, coldness, and darkness for him to start to feel for Andrew in the way Andrew _could, as if in a possibility that he would give a lot to avoid and not a reality,_ start to do for him. So, on Neil’s end, things really might be secure. For him to take care that his shit doesn’t touch Andrew and his loved ones, and for him to keep himself emotionally distanced while still keeping this thing between them. And that might be enough for Andrew, who isn’t emotionally open in any way, to keep himself at bay.

Fuck Bee and her reasoning.

He relayed his thoughts to her, and then there was silence. Both of them were thinking about what to do with that information, but Bee came through first. 

“It makes sense,” she started while frowning in concentration on the other side of the screen, her cup of hot chocolate, now cold, forgotten by the side of her hands, which were still folded on the top of her table. “Even if you can’t trust him as a person yet, you can trust him to keep his best interests in his business. And that he showed care for the keeping of your secrets, your comfort, and on your safety, it’s promising, Andrew. I guess you can do this if we're thinking about your safety since concerning you holding your own on the scene and on your limits was never a question. And, yes, sure you would be safer if you didn’t have a relationship with him at all, but if that’s something you want to explore further, which I would encourage on some aspects, I guess I just need you to promise me one thing.”

Andrew hummed for her to continue.

“Even though he seems to be a good person that does bad things, promise me that if any of the bad is even on the horizon, you will cut all ties with this man. I don’t want you to risk yourself more because of men that only have money and blood on their minds.”

Andrew didn’t have to think about it. If it was only concerning himself, he would most likely disregard it, but he had Thalia, Connor, Nicky, Aaron, Bee, Casey, and even Katelyn and Erik. He had his family to take care of, and he couldn’t do that if he was hurt. But did he want it?

“I promise.”

Soon after that, they ended the call. It was already late, so Andrew stood up and made his way to his bedroom. He had already taken a shower before the movies with his daughter, so he just took off his clothes and tucked himself in the sheets of his bed.

He kind of expected to lie awake for hours, but it seemed like the sleep was ready to rip him away from the land of the conscious the moment he put his head on the pillow. All the emotional, decision-making conversation — that he had managed to get kind of used to with age, therapy, and Thalia’s unconscious help to make him a more open and talkative person — had drained all his energy. It never got any less tiring, no matter how easier and revigorating it was.

His last thoughts were about blue eyes, barbed wire around a throat, and “a good person that does bad things.”

~

The man spat blood on the tiled floor.

“I don’t know what the fuck are you talking about, let me out of here,” he yelled.

Jean tilted his head to the side and looked dead inside the man’s eyes.

“Yes, you know. Stop stalling. Open your mouth and tell me everything you know about that message.”

“I don’t even know who you are, weirdo!” The man kept yelling.

Jean’s punch this time probably broke the guy’s nose.

He yelled again.

Nathaniel was getting a headache with all the screaming and it wasn’t even in pain, it was just denial. 

_Ridiculous,_ Nathaniel thought as he rolled the eyes at the scene in front of him.

He kind of itched to go deal with this himself, but he stayed sat on the other side of the glass window that kept the view possible to their interrogatory room without them being able to see him and Kevin, who was by his side, back. Nathaniel preferred to let Jean work. It was smarter to don’t reveal his identity to this person.

“Yes, you do,” Jean said blankly to the man. He leaned himself till his eyes were on the same height as the man sat and bound on the most uncomfortable chair they could find on the whole building. “It was from your ID that the message was sent and then when I went to just talk to you, you tried to run away. Suspicious, no?”

The man kept his mouth closed now, scowling hard at Jean.

“Fine,” Jean leaned back and sighed as if bothered. “You chose this.”

Jean turned his back and walked to the table across the room. From the many sharp objects disposed of there for his use, he chose a needle filled with a purple substance that he called fondly _Veritaserum_. Such a Harry Potter fan Jean was, which Nathaniel thought was kind of funny because Jean despised British people.

He turned to the bounded man and started making sure the liquid inside had no bubbles with little taps. The man now had his eyes wide at the size of the needle but his mouth was still shut firmly.

Jean approached him slowly as if he had the whole day. When he made sure the needle was ready, he turned his eyes to the man.

“Last chance.”

The man just scowled and spat more blood on the floor.

Jean punctured the thigh of the man on the next second.

The man howled in surprise and in pain, with the 6 inches needle deep on his tight and the icy liquid Jean was now pressing through his veins.

At that moment, Nathaniel’s phone vibrated inside his suit jacket. It should be fine to answer it now, Nathaniel thought, since now they needed to wait a few minutes for the drug to take effect anyways. 

_Hot Dom: Tomorrow at 5 p.m, Starbucks near the Hellhound?_

_N.A.W: For our contract meeting?_

_Hot Dom: Yes._

_N.A.W: See you there, Master._

_Hot Dom: Behave, pet._

Nathaniel almost smiled at that. Oh, he was behaving.

“What are you laughing at?” Kevin said from his side, an eyebrow arched. He was all proper with his suit and hands folded on his laps. Kevin looked like they were watching an Opera not an interrogation. 

Nathaniel rolled his eyes but now smiled in earnest while pocketing his cellphone again.

“I’ll meet Andrew tomorrow. We’re making a contract.”

“Oh,” Kevin’s eyebrow was arched even higher and he seemed quite surprised. “Willing to go that far?”

“What can I say? He fucks like a dream, Kev,” Nathaniel chuckled.

“Right. Just be careful, you know—”

“Yes, I’m not an idiot, Kevin. I’m being perfectly careful, relax,” Nathaniel almost rolled his eyes again.

“It doesn’t hurt to remind you, you ungrateful asshole,” Kevin mumbled and looked back to the glass in front of them with a childish pout.

“Relax, dude,” Nathaniel sighed. “I’m taking all the precautions. No one will link him to me.”

“I hope so. For his safety and ours.”

“Yeah, yeah. Oh, Jean is going to start again,” Nathaniel arranged himself on his seat.

Jean had walked away to the table full of instruments on the other side of the room as he waited for the drug to take effect. It was fast, but they still liked to wait for their victims to be on their highest. He was coming back now and making his way to the man, whose head had rolled back on the backrest of the chair and he stared at the ceiling blankly, the mouth slightly open.

“Hello,” Jean talked to the man, leaned again to meet the man’s eyes. He seemed like a preoccupied citizen. “Everything alright, sir?”

“Oh,” the man groggily straightened his head, and Jean moved his own to follow the movement and keep himself always at the focus of the sight of the man. Jean was crouched and with his hands on his knees. “I’m fantastic,” he laughed happily.

“Really? Oh, that’s amazing,” Jean smiled. He was good at this shit, Nathaniel always got surprised when he saw it.

“Yeah,” the man giggled. “You’re handsome as fuck. Kiss me.”

“Oh, I can’t. Sorry,” Jean looked truly sorry about it. “I’m not single.”

Kevin snorted happily by his side. Honestly, those two were going to be the cause of Nathaniel's death by eye-roll.

“Oh,” the man was now disappointed and with a pout, that soon transformed itself on a drugged grin. “That’s fine. You’re still handsome, though.”

“Thank you,” Jean smiled in answer. “Can you tell me your name?”

“Well, I was born Jonathan, but people nowadays call me Cedric. Like the Harry Potter one!”

 _So many Harry Potter references today_ , Nathaniel thought with caution, leaning on his seat and keeping his attention on the scene on the other side of the glass sharp as his cleaver.

“Oh! Which people?” Jean seemed interested. He probably was.

“It began with Alpha calling me like that on the forum, but then it spread through the whole internet!” The man was laughing as if that was the funniest joke ever.

“Do you know who Alpha is, Jonathan?”

“Oh, no, no!” Jonathan looked appalled at that thought. “Never. But he gave me lots and lots of money,” he nodded seriously as if agreeing to himself.

“Really? Jean’s eyes widened as if alarmed. “But for what?”

“Oh because I breached this tiny corner of a system for him. It was difficult as fuck and it took a while. I think a couple of months, give or take. So I needed money money money money—”

“Lots of money, I imagine!” Jean nodded in agreement. “You must be really smart to breach that system! How did you do it?”

“Oh, that popped! Pop!” Jonathan laughed at his own sound but before Jean needed to refocus him, he continued. “I hadn't found a way in yet, but then a corner of it was slightly open for a few minutes, probably for maintenance, but it was just enough for me to crack it! Like an eggshell! It was a chit chat page with that pretty logo, but sending a message was all Alpha wanted so! I did it!” Jonathan laughed and sang maniacally. “Money money money money money money—”

“And did Alpha say why he wanted to send that message?” Jean had his head inclined in fake earnestness.

“Oh, he said that he needed to get back what was stolen from him, and I hate thieves! Hate them hate them hate them hate them—” he was laughing so hard there were tears streaming down his face.

“Thank you so much, Jonathan! It was lovely talking to you!” Jean smiled and straightened his back.

“Oh, no! Don’t go” Jonathan pouted and as he writhed, probably to try to reach Jean, he realized he was bound to the chair and laughed. “Oh, handsomy tied me up! I’ll be good for you, handsomy, I promise! Give me a kiss!” 

Jonathan was laughing with his head rolling back as Jean exited the room.

Nathaniel and Kevin stood up and exited as well. They met Jean in the corridor.

Jean had dark eyes and looked at Nathaniel seriously. 

He sighed.

“Yeah, I know,” Nathaniel began, rolling his head, trying to take out the tension of his shoulders. “I’ll talk to Ichirou.”

Jean looked at Kevin with apprehension in his eyes before turning said eyes to Nathaniel.

“Are you sure?”

“There is no other way. I need to do it,” Nathaniel nodded and sighed. He grabbed his phone and sent a text to Giullietta for her to schedule a meeting with the Lord. “I’ll go back to the office for the rest of the night to try to see if there is anything else that cunt did while still alive. You two go rest, I’ll need you both tomorrow. Jean, send Laurent a message of thanks for his exceptional work, as usual. No, don’t look at me with that face, I know he is a bastard but he deserves it.”

“Fine,” Jean rolled his eyes and started to make his way through the corridor on the left, while Kevin and Nathaniel made their way through the right.

Soon enough they parted with quiet goodnights, Nathaniel to the grand stairs and Kevin to his kitchenette on the first floor. 

Nathaniel climbed step after step lost in his thoughts. Rage, revenge, cold calculation, all mixing together in his brain. He should’ve known this shit wouldn’t quiet down after he had killed down her partner. He should’ve done something earlier. Now, he would need to run this through Ichirou, which was going to be a fucking pain in his fucking ass, and then he would need to _wait._

His headache was more than beginning when he finally sat on his leather chair in his office. He took a deep breath before starting to run, for the third time, through Lola’s documents, reports, calls, bank accounts. All in search of the confirmation he knew he would find, even though he hadn’t noticed it before.

And it was there, on a text, found in one of the reports from his tracking system, in one of the hundreds of burner phones Lola had used in the last years.

Lola’s contact inside the Moriyama family. The one she was using to try fucking him up in, oh, _so many_ ways.

_Give them back to me and I’ll make you Cleaver._

Lola’s contact.

Jonathan’s Alpha.

The cause for Jean cherishing Harry Potter so much, as a way to preserve a little-living childhood.

The one who was even madder than his father.

One of the only people in the world that knew his mother’s nickname for him when he was a child.

_Foxy, foxy. I’m watching from proxy._

Riko.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this!
> 
> Please, don't hesitate to leave some comments and some kudos or to contact me on twitter (@sunabram) or on tumblr (@jostenrun)!
> 
> See you guys next Friday <3


	8. wanna keep it PG

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Necessary steps are taken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI I'M BAAAAAAAAAAACK   
> HULLO HOW YOU'VE BEEN DOING??
> 
> Ok, first: I'M SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY. As I've already told a few of you, my college has been hell, and I've been stuffed to the gut with work and a few other things. But still, I'm SORRY. 
> 
> Make sure to read the end notes, because there will be something about that in those!
> 
> Second: I missed you guys. Really. I missed your comments, your reactions sooooo much. You keep me going, and you motivate me to do better. So thank you, I missed you, and I'm really excited to see your thoughts on this one. 
> 
> So, to the things about this chapter: this one is a bit of a middle one. It might not seem like much happened, but it's necessary. For the plot, for my role as a responsible author, and lots of things. Stick with me through it, and I promise it will be worth it (chapter 9 is... something)!
> 
> T.W's: threats of death, threats of violence, blackmail, lot's of talk about sex but not actually doing it, talks about BDSM, boundaries, limits, and all the good stuff.
> 
> If there are any mistakes in my English or anywhere else, let me know!
> 
> Hope you guys like it!

Nathaniel was walking the corridors of the Manor in search of Jean and Kevin. 

He needed to act quickly and he wouldn’t wait for another fucking second even if that could spare him his legs and having to climb those fucking stairs. He was walking the halls with determinate steps and an ice-cold expression that cleared the path for him in the lunch chaos that became the Manor as people got out of their offices, departments and made their way to the cafeteria on the first floor. But it didn’t matter now, and it wouldn’t for the last few hours. He had this feeling on his gut, this  _ instinct _ that put him to action even if it was against an order he had just received, which could fuck things up badly, and that made him freeze all over, putting his appetite to rest.

He made his way to the third floor first, knowing that Kevin would be leaving his Operations workshop by this hour. And, sure thing, as Nathaniel was climbing the steps of the grand stairs, he saw him. Kevin was talking to a group of four people who probably were his immediates — and the people who would have more workloads on their backs pretty soon. He looked serious but in an exciting way as he was explaining something to the eager group, but soon enough his gaze was diverted and brought to Nathaniel’s, who had stopped on the landing and waited to gain his second’s attention, as if magnetized. When their eyes locked, Kevin’s mouth snapped shut and his expression became grave as he took in Nathaniel’s face, with a frown of concern and the edges of his mouth turned down. Nathaniel didn’t wait, he just turned back and made his way back down the stairs, not having a doubt that Kevin was already hot on his heels. 

They made their way quickly to the security ward. Through the stairs, the corridors, the atrium, the garden; all of it passed in a blur to Nathaniel, and soon they were approaching the building. This time, the person behind the desk didn’t salute them. With a look, the person cleared the way, and soon Nathaniel was pushing the button to the second underground floor. 

On their way down, Nathaniel took a deep breath. He needed to calm the fuck down. His guts were turning and biting repeatedly  _ something is wrong something is wrong something is wrong _ though, and that made it much more difficult to relax. But he needed clarity right now, so he took another deep breath and looked over at Kevin, who looked just as preoccupied as before, but after Nathaniel nodded at him, seemed to relax somewhat.

It wasn’t going to be today he was going to go all _ Butcher. _

He needed a fucking cigarette.

The doors opened, and they walked in fast strides to the main corridor of the training floor, which opened to several doors that held different training material: some holding only weight lifting machines, others only tracking, others only a mirror and some yoga mats, and so on and on. By the end of the huge corridor, that was also intercalated with bathrooms and inox fountains for water drinking, there was a corridor on the right that led to a few locker rooms. They knew Jean was probably there, having exited his morning training and taking a shower before going up to have lunch with them in Nathaniel’s quarters, as it was routine. However, that was not going to happen today.

Nathaniel walked in without care. There were some thirty people inside, all in different states of nakedness, but he wasn’t looking at a single one of them but his left half. Jean was putting on his shoes, sitting on a bench, and laughing at something Thea was telling him from her locker. There was so much noise, but as soon as they walked in and saw Nathaniel’s expression, everything was quiet. Jean lifted his head, and much like Kevin, his expression grimed instantly at seeing him. He got up, grabbed his bag, and walked to them. Nathaniel turned and walked out without looking at anyone else.

They crossed the hall and got in the elevator. Instead of pushing the button for the first floor to the entrance, Nathaniel pushed the third floor one. He wasn’t going to wait anymore. They were talking right here and now.

Walking out to the third floor above ground now was different than it was a week ago before Senator Reynold’s Ball. Now, the cubicles were filled with people with eyes glued to their screens that only lifted for a second to assess the trio crossing their path before coming back to their tasks. That pleased Nathaniel immensely. 

The meeting room they used on the week before was empty as Nathaniel opened the door, which he appreciated because then he wouldn’t need to kick out anyone from the space so he could talk to his second and third. 

He vaguely gestured for them to sit down but he continued to stand, pacing and taking deep breaths before he finally turned to them, whose expressions looked very much concerned by now.

“I talked to Ichirou.”

Both of them perked up visibly. 

“What did he say?” Jean asked, his brow furrowed. 

“He told me,” Nathaniel took a deep breath and spoke through gritted teeth. “That Riko was transferred, six months ago, to a new facility. One in the East Coast. He didn’t say where exactly.”

“What the fu—” Kevin began outraged, scowling with injustice, but Nathaniel wasn’t done yet.

“And,” Nathaniel gritted again. “He said that as we don’t have any proof that that was actually Riko, despite all the ‘ _ coincidence _ ’,” Nathaniel stopped to scoff in disgust. “He wouldn’t be able to do anything outright. However, he said that out of  _ respect  _ for the Wesninski family he was going to check if Riko has been having access to the internet, which he shouldn’t have even if this new facility was more  _ relaxed _ .”

“That fucking—”

“Holy shit—”

Kevin and Jean reacted at the same time, but as Nathaniel raised his hand they stopped. Both of them were scowling with rage, but kept silent at his request.

“I’m not going to wait for Ichirou to do something about it, but I can’t be obvious. So,” Nathaniel’s jaw was going to be hurting by the end of the day with how much force he was gritting his teeth, and he was pacing in front of Kevin and Jean’s seats. “I’m going to contact my uncle, but I want your input on this.”

“What do you want to do?” Kevin asked, already typing on his smartphone.

“I want someone to discover where the piece of shit is, then have someone infiltrated in there. I want to hack his access to the internet, discover what the fuck he thinks he is doing, and stop the fucker before it's too late. I want to know about every breath the fucker takes,” Nathaniel turned to them and smiled. “And if he breathes wrong I’m going to fucking kill him.”

“Oh, now I see why we need Stuart for this,” Jean nodded with comprehension, even though he looked most displeased with having to deal with British personnel.

“Exactly,” Nathaniel began pacing again, but the prospect of killing Riko calmed down his anger a bit, so he had stopped gritting his teeth. “I can’t afford to put one of my people, nor Knox’s, in there to risk Riko outing us to Ichirou anymore than he already wants to. We can’t make mistakes. He had Lola, but then I made the mistake of thinking that taking her out of his game would throw him off. Now, he is going to probably work for some material to blackmail me, and I still want to fucking know how the fuck did he manage to get in contact with the cunt in the first place, but I won’t back down and you can be fucking sure of that. I’ll kill him before he gets the chance.”

“We know you will, Neil. It’s a solid plan,” Kevin said with his eyebrows furrowed, and looked up from his phone. “I’ve sent word to Giullietta to work a meeting between you and your Uncle as fast as possible.”

“Brilliant,” Nathaniel took a deep breath. It was going to be fine. He turned to his second and third and smiled again. “I can’t wait to have Riko breathing wrong.”

“Yep, we can’t wait too,” Jean looked darkly pleased, which Kevin only nodded to, in silent agreement.

Jean was tougher than Kevin for those kinds of things.

Kevin looked down at his phone as it beeped.

“Giullietta says your uncle can talk in 10 minutes.”

“Ok, I’ll go back to the Manor then and have this conversation in my office. Come with me.”

They nodded and stood, walking out of the meeting room each on a side of Nathaniel’s body, but slightly behind him. In triangle formation, they walked to the elevator and went down to the first floor, which they quickly crossed and then were out in the gardens. As they made their journey back to the Manor, through the green of the summer trees and the color of the fruit flowers, Nathaniel could feel slightly more relaxed now that he had told his plan to Kevin and Jean, and was on his way to making it become official.

Still, even if he had been wanting to kill Riko for years now and this could count as a legitimate reason on his book, apparently it was not on the Moriyama’s. So, he would need to play this right, to justify his actions without bad consequences, just like he did before by throwing Riko on that mental institution. He needed the information, the proof, and either the further planning Riko had been rolling from inside the asylum he was trapped in for life, to stop it before it was too late. And the only way to get this right now was from his uncle.

Their walk to the Manor was efficient. Soon, they crossed the atrium, the corridors, the grand stairs, more corridors and then his office. Just as Nathaniel closed the door behind them, and making his way to his chair behind the mahogany table, one of his cellphones ringed.

Nathaniel sat down, waited till both Kevin and Jean had made themselves comfortable on their chairs on the other side of his desk, before answering it and putting on speaker with a smile on his face. It was 1 p.m sharp.

“Hullo, uncle, are you still in North America? We need to chat.”

~

Andrew organized the papers in front of him for the fourth time in the last five minutes.

He had arrived thirty minutes earlier to the nearest Starbucks to Hellhound to make sure he was prepared, had all the papers, had organized them, had ordered his coffee, and had  _ calmed himself the fuck down. _ Which he did. All of it. Now, it was 5 p.m and Neil still wasn’t there. Which was fine, because Andrew was  _ cool.  _

Totally relaxed.

That would’ve been more believable if his heart had not skipped a beat and he had not choked on his chocolate mocha at the first sign of auburn hair opening the door. But to be fair, it wasn’t only the sight of auburn hair and the blue eyes that made him react like that. No, it wasn’t. It was rather the fact that since the first time they had met, Andrew had never seen Neil in a suit, which was what he was wearing right now, as if that didn’t totally make Andrew squirm on his seat. A fucking gray suit that complimented Neil’s tanned, freckled, tattoed skin perfectly, and accentuated his serious expression that had softened _ slightly _ as he caught the sight of Andrew by the window. 

Right when Andrew was starting to think he could somehow get used to how beautiful Neil was, Neil showed up like that. He looked like the hottest CEO Andrew had ever seen, and Andrew was afraid his chin might be somewhere near the underground as he saw Neil approach him, walking slowly through the crowded cafe. He was lucky, though, because his face was already trained to remain blank despite his feelings.

“Sorry I’m late,” Neil sat down gracefully, folding his hands above their table and inclined his head at Andrew, only a corner of his mouth going upwards. He looked blank otherwise.

“You’re not, don’t worry,” Andrew replied. His hands were twitching for him to organize the papers on the table again, but now Neil was here and he didn’t want to show nervousness to him. “Won’t grab a coffee? I can get it for you.”

“Oh, no,” Neil shook his head and snorted lightly. “I can’t drink any more coffee today. With the headache I got going on, it would only worsen it.”

Andrew nodded in understanding. His migraines were worsened by caffeine as well.

“Bad day?” He inclined his head.

“Yeah, you could say that,” Neil scoffed, his shoulders visibly tensing even more with the remainder of whatever had bothered him at work.

“A glass of water might be better than,” Andrew nodded and got up to grab it without waiting for Neil to agree with it.

He walked to the balcon and as soon as a waiter approached him, he asked for a glass of water, which was given to him right away. He walked back to find Neil looking through the window, to the sunset, his brows furrowed and eyes distant, as if he was thinking about a hundred things at the same time. He seemed concerned, but instead of the restlessness Andrew associated with Neil most of the time, now he seemed utter still. Quiet. Like the eye of a hurricane.

It was incredible how Neil was so multifaceted. How he could be cold and dangerous, but then, in a heartbeat, change to that flirty persona who had too much sass on his tongue. Right now though, it was something different. This serious side Andrew was seeing had an edge he hadn’t seen before. Which mostly seemed perfect blankness, now seemed… Constricted. Almost as if there was so much power thrumming under Neil’s skin that it made him seem tight with it. However, Andrew knew that he might be the only one able to see it, because it was absurdly subtle, in the way he had trained himself, all those years ago, to be able to tell. 

It was not in Neil's hunched pose, with his elbows on the table and his hands supporting his face. It was not on his furrowed eyebrows, and his lost eyes. It was not his tailored suit, that spoke on its own how wealthy Neil was. Rather, that edge was visible on the way Neil’s jaw seemed to pop with the way he was gritting his teeth. On the way, Neil seemed too lost in his own mind to pay attention to Andrew coming, but at the same time seemed to track every movement in the room. It was in the way his fingers twitched slightly, as if he wanted to throw a punch. Or grab a knife.

Neil was angry. Neil was concerned. 

Neil was not ready for this conversation.

“Here,” Andrew sat down and pushed the glass in Neil’s direction, who seemed to snap out of his thoughts in such a soft way that if Andrew was someone who was not paying attention, he wouldn’t have noticed. 

Neil nodded in thanks and took a sip of the cold water. He visibly relaxed after it.

Andrew sighed.

After he had talked to Bee two days ago and had decided within himself that it would be worth taking the risk if only because Neil seemed to put his job enough in priority that it would be safe, this was not something he had imagined, but he should’ve. After all, BDSM was not a much traditional way to steam off frustration, anger, and other harsher emotions, but it was well used for those purposes too. And as he agreed to do it and signed on the line, he surely was going to deal with Neil’s related-to-work emotions, just as Neil would be dealing with his own. 

Therefore that meant he needed to be responsible for this, and Neil clearly wasn’t in the headspace for something so important as the discussion of their contract. Which made him slightly pissed off because he had gone through all the trouble of getting everything ready today, and organizing Aaron to have Thalia for the night just for them to be able to have time to talk through everything, but Andrew knew it wasn’t Neil’s fault that whatever had happened and that it had made him so angry and disconnected. So, they could do this another time.

Andrew just hoped it was faster than in another month.

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this today.”

“What? Why?” Neil looked confused as he put his glass down on the table.

“You don’t seem in the right headspace for it,” Andrew inclined his head.

“Oh,” Neil looked surprised and glanced down at his glass before turning his eyes to Andrew again, which seemed softer than they had been a minute ago. “You noticed.”

“Of course I did,” now Andrew was the one who wasn’t understanding.

“Yeah, of course,” Neil rolled his eyes and laughed but it was so, so quiet. So unlike the Neil Andrew had known till now, who was all full-body laughs, grins, and fast remarks. “But anyway. I really want to do this today,” Neil bit his lower lip and he seemed eager even if in the full emptiness of his demeanor. “I agree that I’m not in the right state of mind at the moment but maybe if we talk for a little bit, I might forget about work, and then we can focus on this?” Neil inclined his head to the papers.

“And if you don’t forget it?”

“Then I’ll be really sorry for wasting your time getting everything ready for us to discuss the contract today, but I won’t be sorry for being able to see you.”

Andrew swallowed. _Damn, Neil._ _Fuck._ _How could he seem so honest with shit like this?_

“Alright,” Andrew answered and took a sip on his, now cold, coffee. He just needed something to do instead of regarding eyes bluer than the winter sky. “What do you want to talk about?”

“I don’t know,” Neil shrugged, but then his eyes glistened in mild interest. “Do you practice any sports?”

“Oh,” he was surprised. He was not expecting that, but it seemed like a good topic to talk about when you couldn’t reveal anything personal to the person you were talking to. He shrugged. “Yeah, actually. I do weightlifting and Brazilian jiu-jitsu, but not as regularly as I should or used to do.”

“Really? I like more greek wrestling than jiu-jitsu,” Neil smiled thinly. He seemed to be already unraveling from the quietness with this lighter topic, and in return, Andrew felt himself relaxing too.

“But greek wrestling is much more about strength, isn’t it?” Andrew arched an eyebrow.

“Oh, and don’t I look strong to you?” Neil arched his own eyebrow, but his eyes had that edge of mischief to it instead of disbelief. 

Andrew realized he had missed it, the sass, and then he proceeded to shut that thought down immediately.

“It’s not that,” Andrew rolled his eyes. “You’re lean. You have a tracker's body. You have muscles but you’re not big, and you’re pretty short. To invest your time in a fighting style you don’t have an advantage is not smart, don’t you think?”

“I guess,” Neil was now smiling at Andrew, and his heart  _ was not _ beating faster at this. “But the thing is that I like beating people on their own game. So, even if I don’t have the statistical advantage, I find the one thing that people cannot expect from me and then I use it to win.”

The topic they were talking about wasn’t clear to Andrew anymore. Sure, they were talking about sports and fighting techniques, but Neil seemed to be talking about something else. Something bigger. Something Andrew  _ didn’t want to know. _

They needed to come back to the main subject.

“So, you like greek wrestling better because it’s unexpected?” Andrew finished his mocha in a gulp.

“Yeah,” Neil laughed, looking oblivious to Andrew’s struggle about the topic in conversation. “I know it might seem a waste of time, that reasoning, but it turns out I’m actually quite good at it.”

“I don’t doubt you,” Andrew conceded and he let the corner of his lip go upwards, which he saw that it dragged Neil’s attention to his mouth. Andrew  _ was not _ pleased with this. He truly wasn’t. His heart was beating faster because of the caffeine, he was sure. “There are quite a few things you’re good at, aren’t there?”

“Yeah,” Neil bit his lower lip again, his eyes unwavering from Andrew’s lips. “But right now there are only a few things I want to be good at, Sir.”

Neil’s eyes seemed to have lightened up with mirth and sultriness, and Andrew’s breath was taken away from the beauty of it as it was added to  _ the way Neil had called him _ . Andrew doubted that there is going to be a day in which Neil using that title so casually wouldn’t make him feel like his feet left the ground.

_ How they had come so fast from sports to this? What the fuck? _ Neil was moody and angry in one moment, then in the other, he was his old bratty self again. 

It was so sudden.

_ Why did Andrew like that? _

“And what are those things, pet?” Andrew’s voice was grave as the words slipped out of his lips, like it usually happened when he was faced with Neil and this dynamic. It just slipped, as if the words, this posture, this behavior, was bigger than himself.

It was a feeling he was getting more comfortable with by the second. 

It was addictive.

“I want to be good for you,” one of Neil’s hand trailed the table and put itself on top of Andrew’s, which was resting on the table, after Andrew nodded in permission. “But I also want to be good at provoking you,” Neil smiled wickedly, “I want to be good at pushing your buttons just like you push mine. I want to deserve your praises but also your punishments. I want to be a good sub for you, but not an easy one. It's still something I have to manage how to do but that I want to be good at. Is that okay?”

Andrew’s other hand, the one that wasn’t under Neil’s, reached for Neil's chin on the other side of the table, which was closer than he would’ve thought. He barely stretched himself. His thumb traced Neil’s lip, who gasped at the pressure.

“It is, pet. It’s very much okay,” Andrew now was the one who had his eyes fixated on Neil’s lips. Damn, he wanted to kiss Neil so much right now. “But, we need to work out those limits, yeah? We need to work out a lot of things before we dive in. Ok?”

“Ok, Master,” Neil nipped at Andrew’s thumb gently before smiling against it and kissing it.

Andrew liked it more than he could say.

A shatter broke the little bubble they had dived themselves in, and as Andrew tucked his hands back to himself, he saw a woman apologizing for the broken plate on the counter and another one coming to wipe it clean. No one was looking at them.

Turning to look at Neil, Andrew could see there was a slight flush on the man’s face and he almost smirked with pleasure at that. Neil was such a contradiction sometimes.

Neil cleared his throat before turning his dilated pupils to Andrew.

“I guess I'm ready to discuss our contract now.”

“Yeah?” Andrew let the corner of his mouth go upward, and Neil nodded eagerly at that. 

Still, Andrew took a minute to analyze the other man. Just to be sure that this was the right time, after all, and Neil definitely seemed more relaxed now than he was fifteen minutes ago, and he was present, he felt present. He looked excited and sweet and filthy with his wandering eyes tracing Andrew’s face and collarbone from where it was visible on the v-neck he was using.

Andrew was the one clearing his throat right now, turning his eyes to his hands.

“Good.”

Andrew grabbed the papers that had been on top of the table and between them the entire time and took the first one on the top to give it to Neil. There was a copy of the same one right under it, which he grabbed to himself and put in front of him.

“Ok, so I told you that I thought that first, we should do a quiz, which I think will help us to clear some things out about how we want this dynamic to go, and what we need to figure out to function properly together in this context. You know I want honesty, and if you don’t like anything or even think anything about what we’re talking about, I want you to tell me. I want to know everything you’re thinking right now, so I can have guidance on what to research, study and take courses in, but mostly to know your thoughts on things. I need your input seeing that you’re more experienced than I am. And if there is anything you want to ask me that you think might be relevant, you can do it now, and the same goes for me, but that does not mean we have to answer if it makes us uncomfortable. Alright?”

Neil nodded but he was analyzing the paper on his hands with a frown on his face that showcased he was concentrated, rather than concerned or angry. It was good to see that even excited, Neil took things seriously when necessary.

“Yeah, totally agree.”

“Ok, let’s begin then. The paper I have in my hands is the same as yours. They’re both blank, as you can see, and I have some pens in here,” Andrew reached to the place where he had put two pens on the table and gave one to Neil, who turned his eyes to him again. “So we can fill the blanks in this together and discuss things we consider important. This quiz goes from the lightest things and goes to the heaviest so we can warm up to opening up about things that are rather personal, which I find more to my liking since I’m not a very much open person at all.”

Neil giggled at that, “Yeah, I can see that.”

Andrew scoffed and rolled his eyes but kept his expression soft so Neil knew he wasn’t upset, “Whatever. Anyway, this quiz has things that we will certainly put on our contract, like limits, safewords, kinks, etc, but there are a few things that I found that will make our bond of trust stronger. I don’t want to play with that, with your safety. And I hope you’re not playing with mine either.”

At that, Neil’s expression shut down and a kind of fierceness surged in his eyes.

“I would never do that. In this context, your safety is one of the most important things for me and I wouldn’t tell you this could work if I wasn’t sure I can keep you safe in every way that matters. I promise you, Andrew.”

The lump on Andrew’s throat was bigger than he would’ve imagined. He had figured that out by himself but hearing that from Neil was important, and all of a sudden Andrew felt certain that he could trust Neil with that. That things would work out and he, and his family, would be okay despite all of Neil’s crime thing.

“I appreciate that,” Andrew managed to say quietly through the lump on his mouth. He hoped he had shown his honest gratitude, but then Neil nodded and turned his eyes back to the paper again. Andrew did the same and sighed. “The thing is that some questions might be a little bit personal, which we both agree that we don’t want to dive too much in those waters, so if we don’t feel like answering any of them, we just need to say it and we won’t. Some of the other things are just basic information like, what are your least favorite color, that if you asked me a few days ago I would think it’s a totally rubbish question, but a person told me that it might turn out useful in the future so,” Andrew shrugged at the memory of Bee’s reasoning as she helped him with the quiz. “ It’s better to be safe than sorry.”

“I think I like that idea,” Neil chuckled and his face was once again full of sass and flirt. “Knowing stupid things about you sounds nice.”

“Anyways,” Andrew rolled his eyes and ignored the way he felt his insides twisting at that. He wasn’t sure anymore that learning those things about Neil was a good idea. “It’s better if we speed up and just answer as fast as we can, because as you can see the list is pretty long and we still have the stuff to discuss today other than this, but feel free to stop at any time to ask or develop whatever you want. Ok?”

“Ok,” Neil nodded and looked positively… Captivated? By Andrew?

Andrew down the paper in his hands.

“I’ll start. The food you love and hate? Mines are brownie ice cream with chocolate fudge and carrots.”

“Apple and lettuce.”

“Yeah, lettuce is the worst. But apple is your favorite? What the fuck?” Andrew looked up to Neil with his best outraged face just to see Neil’s eyes lighting up with laughter.

“I like fruits,” Neil shrugged in the middle of his laughter. “Anyways, place you love and hate.”

“Berlin and California. You?”

“London and New York City.”

Andrew snorted at that while writing their answers.

“What?” Neil had amusement in his eyes after writing his own.

Andrew smirked slightly.

“Your favorite food is apple but you hate the Big Apple.”

“Oh, my God, Andrew,” Neil was laughing again, throwing his head backward.

Why did Andrew like that sound so much? He was even smiling at Neil.

And at the same second, he realized that, he schooled his expression and proceeded to read the list as if he hadn’t stopped.

“Favorite music genre. Mine is classic rock. You?”

“Folk, mostly. Movies or books? I’m more of a book guy, but I don’t have the time, unfortunately,” Neil chuckled.

“I’m a book guy too. Ok, this might be the most important question of this list,” Andrew paused for dramatic effect and looked up to Neil, who was trying to reign in a grin. “What’s your Hogwarts house, Neil?”

“Alright,” Neil laughed before trying to sober up a bit to speak. Andrew waited as he tried to keep his expression blank. “So, I took the test multiple times and they always change between two of them, and I identify myself with both. So, I’m a Slythendor.”

Andrew sighed. Why isn’t he surprised at that?

“I suppose I should’ve seen that coming,” he shook his head in mock disappointment. Neil was laughing quietly at that. “I’m a Hufflepuff.”

“Oh, yeah, I can definitely see that,” Neil winked at him with a huge beam on his face.

“Shut up,” Andrew rolled his eyes and looked down at his paper again. “Dog or cat?”

“Both. You?”

“Cats. They’re my animal spirit,” Neil laughed at that. Andrew continued as he tried to ignore what that sound was doing to him repeatedly. “Ok, this is getting serious. Trump or Biden?”

“Ok, so,” Neil straightened up a bit and his expression was earnest but more serious. “Don’t judge me here, ok? For business purposes, Trump is the smartest option for me because he is dumb. Biden is too, so I could make shit work well enough, but he is less than the orange guy. However, Biden is who I would vote for if I did vote. I don’t because of some agreements I have in place. So there is that. You?”

“Well, I suppose I can’t judge your reasoning. Biden for me.”

“Thanks for understanding,” Neil smiled with… No, it wasn’t fondness. It couldn’t be. Neil looked down at his paper and Andrew followed. “Listen or talk?”

“Listen,” Andrew didn’t hesitate.

“For me, it depends on the moment, but as a trademark, I’m more of a talker.”

“Oh, I can see that,” Andrew looked up at Neil, who was rolling his eyes with amusement. “Impulsive or logical? I have my moments, but more often than not, I’m logical.”

“That’s a tricky question for me,” Neil scratched his chin, and then Andrew’s eyes were drawn to the area and… Was that a stubble? Oh, it was a five-o’clock stubble in all it’s glory. Oh. Oh. Focus, Andrew. Neil is talking. “I have my moments too but I can reign my impulses pretty well. I often use them when necessary, like, if a situation demands of me a more impulsive demeanor, or when I consider it’s safe. But I’m usually very logical as well. So, I don’t know. I guess both?”

Andrew nodded and kept his eyes on the paper. He was  _ not  _ prepared to notice that stubble right now.

“Makes sense.”

“Yeah. Anyway, reaction to pressure?”

“I work better under pressure,” Andrew answered. “Like with deadlines, and stuff. But if there is someone getting out of their way to pressure me on doing something, I beat them up.”

“Yeah, same,” Neil laughed and Andrew looked up to see Neil writing on his paper with a smile on his face. His eyes turned back to his own paper. “Guilty pleasure?”

Andrew closed his eyes. Oh, this was going to be embarrassing. He took a deep breath.

“Ok, promise me you won’t laugh,” Andrew opened his eyes to glare at Neil, who seemed eager and had a smile full of mirth on his face.

“Ok, I promise,” but the fucker was already laughing.

At Andrew’s stony glare, Neil put his hands on his mouth to try to stifle it. When he calmed down, Andrew closed his eyes and mumbled.

“I like country music.”

“What?” Neil yelled and laughed at the same time. A full-body laugh that had his head thrown backward, his hands on his belly and his eyes closed. He was getting red with the force of it, and Andrew couldn’t find in himself the will to stop him. The patrons around them in the café looked but smiled and turned back to their own lives, probably reaching the same conclusion as Andrew’s: this man was gorgeous when he laughed.

That laugh was fucking doing things to him.

But, still. Andrew had a reputation to live up to, so he kept his stony glare on Neil’s face and said, “You promised you wouldn’t laugh.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Neil mumbled between wheezes. Eventually, he stopped, but his smile was untouched on his face. He was fucking beaming. “Mine is just as bad, if it makes you feel better. I’m a huge Taylor Swift fan. I have all her albums and I always go to her shows when she is in town.”

Andrew actually smiled at this. Pretty embarrassing.

“I agree with you, it’s just as bad.”

“Yeah,” Neil chuckled. 

Andrew looked back to his paper to see what was up next.

“This is about to turn to the more personal, heavy, road,” Andrew began, and Neil sobered up as he eyed the next question on his paper. “Things you like and hate about yourself.”

“Hm,” Neil hummed as he thought, his eyes fixated on the paper. His voice was quieter now. “I think I like that I’m a pretty good leader. And I hate that sometimes I’m used to the bad.”

Andrew nodded in understanding. He knew exactly what Neil meant.

Would he be just as honest?

“I like that I’m a better person now than I was before, and I hate that I’m still not enough,” Andrew mumbled. He didn’t look at Neil or waited for an answer though. “Casual touch?”

Neil hummed, and Andrew snapped his head up. Neil was looking at his paper but then he looked at Andrew and smiled as if Andrew just hadn't revealed one of his deepest secrets.

“I mean, you know I can get pretty clingy. I really like the idea of it. Not all the time, mind you, but yeah. But if it's something you don’t like, that’s fine.”

Andrew mulled that for a second on his mind before answering.

“I’m not mad about it. It’s not something I might look for, but I can do it if you ask first. However, not in front of other people, we might know. I’m not comfortable with that at all.”

“Got it,” Neil was writing something on his paper. “Acceptable if we’re alone.”

Andrew nodded and did the same.

“Right, next question. Where do you find comfort?”

_ My daughter. Bee. _

“I won’t answer that. You?”

“Not going either. Next. Something you fear. I think I fear missing more people I love. You?”

“Same. The thing you’re ashamed about?”

“That’s pretty vague,” Neil was frowning down at his paper. “I guess I’m ashamed of liking Taylor Swift, but that doesn’t count, does it?”

“No, I guess not,” Andrew was frowning too. “I’m ashamed of some of my thoughts.”

“Hm, I can agree with that too. Some of them are cringe-worthy,” Neil chuckled.

Andrew let his lips quirk up slightly but Neil didn’t see it with his eyes fixed on the paper.

“Oh, this is something I was wondering,” Andrew mumbled and something in his voice must have caught Neil’s attention, because his eyes were on him now. “Favorite pet name, honey?”

Neil’s smile was lazy and flirty.

“I like pretty much all of them. But being called angel is nice,” he passed his tongue on his lower lip. “I guess it’s because I’ve been often called the opposite of it by many.”

Andrew could agree with those people. Neil was the bittersweet kind of fallen angel wars were fought for. 

“Good to know,” Andrew let his eyelids drop with his thoughts and Neil bit his lip in answer. “You know that I like to be called Master and Sir, but I guess you can call me babe too if you see fit in a scene.”

“Sure thing, babe,” Neil smirked and turned his eyes back to the paper. “Worst pet name? I guess I would hate being called a baby boy. It would make me feel like a child.”

“Same goes for me. No daddy, no baby boy. None of that shit,” Andrew added without hesitation. He was writing every answer in his paper.

“Oh, this is getting fun now,” Neil smirked and looked at Andrew with an arched eyebrow. “Favorite kink?”

“I don’t think I have one yet,” Andrew smiled at Neil’s pout. It was adorable. “However, I find sadism fascinating, just like discipline on itself is.”

“I like that. You see, my favorites are breath play, pet play, and submitting. But where's the fun in submitting without a fight, right? So it’s pretty conventional you like discipline,” Neil’s smile would be innocent if not for the wickedness in his eyes.

“Pretty conventional indeed,” Andrew winked at Neil before turning back to his paper. “Now, safewords we already know and we’ll obviously write to them here, and we will use the traffic light system as well. You know, green for okay or keep going, yellow for a pause or wait, and red for stop. We can move on to the next one. Bondage.”

And like that they began retailing each other their hard and soft limits, just like they had done that night almost a month ago, but much more in-depth. They didn’t discuss the reasons for them, but rather if there were any that could prejudice their relationship in the details. For example, the fact that Andrew had a hard limit for bondage with ropes — which Neil liked but wasn’t too fond about either — but with silk and other materials he was completely fine with it and actually liked it, so they should be really attentive to those details. Furthermore, they paid attention to see if any of their limits would clash, like if any of them had a limit that would cause the other to feel like there was something missing in their dynamic, which didn’t happen, and it was quite the opposite actually. They had limits, needs, expectations, and desires that were quite similar, which Andrew tried really hard not to read into. Both of them were  _ not  _ interested in  _ any way _ to try age play, daddy kink, knife play, tiny spaces, fire play, blood play, primal play, and degradation or humiliation. And their soft limits were pretty alined too in the matter that all of them they felt comfortable to do if they planned beforehand and had more time in their contract to be more used to scene with each other, those being water play, bareback, thermic play, breath play, and touching without permission in Andrew’s case. As for their expectations and desires, their alignment was visible in the way that both of them were looking forward to taking step by step  _ slowly _ , to learn from each other, to take courses, to be responsible and to get pretty damn creative in bed, which had led both of them quite  _ bothered  _ in their pants. And besides all that, they made a little list of things that they  _ needed _ in their dynamic, which was foremost respect, empathy, and communication for the both of them on the abstract end of that margin, but also things like kissing, sexual exclusivity, affective touches (Neil added that and Andrew couldn’t say he minded), and constant reassurances on the physical aspects of it.

After debating in depth all those aspects, but foremost, their limits — to which extension each of those went, if any of those could cause panic attacks or anxiety crises, which was a yes for both of them, and more — they started to discuss the contract itself. How often they would play (once or twice a month), where they would do it (at Velvet, as Neil said he would pay for it if Andrew paid for their supplies which was fair), which instruments could be used (Neil agreed to pretty much everything besides things that could be used on his limits, like knives, lighters, etc), which things they definitely wanted to try (shibari — after Andrew did the training and the courses —, impact play, pet play, and others) and so on and on. 

So, before they could set on phases for their dynamic in the short term since their contract was only temporary and was drafted within the reason that it could be broken at any time, the Responsibilities and Rights part of the contract came, which could be seen easily as the most important section of the whole document. Their responsibilities and rights as parts in their roles of Dom and sub were so important that they took even more time on it, thinking even deeper and telling each other what they wanted, needed, and could respect or not with blunt honesty, and they aligned them all before talking about other specifics under that umbrella, like punishments and aftercare. So, in that discussion, Neil basically said that he would purposefully disrespect Andrew’s title sometimes, or would simply be a bitch that didn’t know how to follow a rule with the sole purpose of getting a punishment, or was going to try to get things his way during a scene, which Andrew saw himself kind of excited to see how he would react to that when it happened. However, this part went a little bit more detailed than that, since it demanded them to figure out some specific things about how they wanted their dynamic to go, and Andrew had already decided everything in advanced about that part, which seemed to apply to Neil as well, as he didn’t even hesitate before he started to say what he thought was within his right and responsibility as his sub or not what it wasn’t. What was decided went on the line of: they could text and talk by phone every time they wanted, but to meet in person they needed to pre-schedule; they would engage in their power dynamic only when in a pre-scheduled scene; no involvement more personal than what they had was allowed; no personal questions were allowed; it was Andrew’s responsibility to create a scene, and send Neil beforehand a description of it to see if Neil approved it; it was within Andrew’s rights to punish Neil for misbehavior or for disregards for any rules and responsibilities; it was within Neil’s rights to ask for anything he might want if not when specifically told not to talk or do that as a part of a scene; and so on.

When the sky was completely dark outside, Andrew had a refill of his coffee and a muffin on his belly while Neil ate a panini, and the Starbucks they were in was starting to get emptier, they started to talk about punishments, aftercare, and the last sections of their contract.

“So, this is where I think we need to get even more creative, right?” Andrew arched his eyebrow to Neil, who shrugged with mirth on his eyes.

“Yeah. I’ll leave this part to your criteria though,” Neil answered while looking back to the stack of papers they were going through and filling up with information together. “As long as you don’t break any limits, everything is game. Just make it a good punishment, alright?” he chuckled.

Andrew clicked his tongue.

“Why, this way it may seem that punishments are a good thing.”

“And aren’t they?” the little shit was blinking innocently.

He only smirked in return and returned his head to the papers in front of him, writing exactly what Neil told him. Andrew could already think of some really fun punishments for them to try. 

“Right, mister slut for punishment,” Andrew drawled without looking up. “How do you prefer your aftercare to be done? What do you need?”

“It depends on the scene,” Neil answered without hesitation, writing as well on his papers, before looking up and catching Andrew’s eyes with a clear expression that somehow was soft and serious at the same time. “If it is impact play I really would like some salve, maybe a massage, and a hot bath. If it’s wax, or oils, or anything that might get me dirtier than normal, surely a shower. Basically, you can see that I like feeling clean and cared for afterward, so if there is any play that might leave marks for even a short time, take care of those. it might be with a caress, it might be with a kiss to the flesh, with massage, with some ointment; really anything you see fit. I like marks, but I like to associate those with this type of thing too. If there is anything else you think I might need after a scene, like water, food, or something, I’m fine with it. Just don’t make me stay awake if I’m falling asleep, I don’t react well to that, it’s better to let me sleep some and then wake me up after a little while. Oh, and I have a little bit of an oral fixation, so, yeah, I usually need something for that. And, obviously, as I said before, I’m a slut for a good cuddle after a scene, I get clingy, so even if I’m eating, or taking a bath, I’ll want you with me, touching me, and that’s something that makes wonders for me in aftercare, so there is that. How about you?”

“There  _ might  _ be sometimes I’ll get overwhelmed,” Andrew quietly answered after writing everything Neil said on his notes. Neil was nodding attentively to that and turning his eyes down to the paper and up to Andrew to show he was following. “I might need some distance to reorganize my thoughts and anchor myself to the present, but it’s not a certainty and it’s not going to be usual, but it might happen, so there is that. I guess I’ll discover more along the way, but I think that what I’ll treasure the most, as my version of aftercare, is taking care of you and seeing that you’re satisfied and well, just like that night. I was perfectly cared for, reassured, and satisfied as I saw how pleased you were after our scene. But, if I have any needs you are not meeting in those points, I’ll tell you.”

Neil’s eyes were soft and filled with fondness as he looked at Andrew, and sometime in the last hour, Andrew stopped running away from them. So he just let a small smile paint his lips in return for that and looked back at the papers to write the things he had said too.

“Ok, last but not least,” Andrew continued with a sigh. “The phases of our contract. So, as this is a temporary agreement, I think we don’t need to go too far into this, seeing that we will meet again to review this in two months, so maybe we should just specify what things we want to try on the four scenes we’re going to have until that.”

“Agreed,” Neil nodded as he looked at Andrew and chewed on his pen, which Andrew found disgusting but didn’t say a thing about. “I really want to try pet play, some discipline and submission centralist scenes, more sensory deprivation too, maybe some thermic play with ice and wax. Breathplay is something I really like, but you might need to take some courses for it, so I think we should leave that to our last scene before the two months end.”

“I agree with those. I’ll need to look further into the thermic play and breath play, just as I will do to the others, but they're something I think it’s pretty realistic for me to learn and prepare on time, so we can fill in those here,” Andrew nodded and wrote it down.

And that was it. They were finally done.

Andrew looked up from his papers to see that Neil was already looking at him, a huge beam on his face that did  _ not _ make Andrew’s heart race. Not at all.

“I’m really glad you agreed to do this with me, you know,” Neil said quietly, in contrast with the splitting-face smile he was wearing. “Next Saturday can’t come soon enough.”

Andrew took a deep breath. He never was going to get used to this, was he? The smiles, the laughter, the sassiness, the moods, and the breathtaking beauty of this man. Those fucking butterflies in his stomach weren’t going away anytime soon and he needed to accept that. 

He needed to be honest with himself. 

The way he felt about Neil wasn’t the simplest of attractions. It was that special kind that could quickly develop to something more. It provoked reactions inside of his core that he hadn’t felt in years and it was getting harder for him to reign in his reactions to it; it was getting harder for him to don’t touch Neil, to don’t tease him, and to don’t kiss those lips. At least, it seemed like he could provoke the same things on Neil. And he couldn’t say he was catching feelings for the man in the literal way of the word, but this attraction was going to make it a lot harder to not to let himself be  _ that  _ self-destructive, and he cared for Neil already, just like Bee had said he did. 

But most of all, and the scariest of all of that, was that he trusted Neil. He didn’t know how that happened, but now, after the evening they had on the corner of a Starbucks in East Baltimore, only talking, teasing, and knowing each other, he somehow found himself trusting Neil. Trusting that it would be ok for him to have this. Trusting that Neil would keep his promise.

Trusting that they could do this.

“I’m going to be honest with you, Neil,” Andrew started just as quietly, and managed to keep his expression blank. Neil’s smile dropped but his face was still as content as it was with it when he nodded for Andrew to continue. “I was really scared. I still am. About your profession, about how this might affect me, and my family. So, in the beginning, I thought that this attraction, this chemistry we have, was something more simple, but seeing where we are now and how much effort we’re putting into making this work, it’s not simple, even if we put God knows how many boundaries. But I trust you. I trust you to keep your promise of safety, if not for me, then for your business, because this might have repercussions to your work, especially with the Snakes. I don’t know why I trust you, since I feel like I just started to figure out the tiny bit of the surface of who you are just  _ today _ , but I do. The only thing I ask of you is to not betray that trust. I’ll cherish you, and take care of you in a scene, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to make sure that, outside of it, I’m capable of taking care of my family.”

Neil nodded in understanding, his contentment unwavering, “Of course, Andrew. I’ll make sure of it, and I’ll keep my promises and I’ll respect your limits. Always.”

Andrew scoffed and rolled his eyes playfully.

“Don’t always me. We have a two months agreement, not a lifetime.”

“Sure. But it’s always in the time we have, right?” Neil smirked.

Andrew just rolled his eyes again at that.

In the seconds that followed of comfortable silence, he finally felt the adrenaline and the excitement of their agreement fading away and being replaced with completely tiredness

“I guess that was it,” he sighed and rubbed his eyes behind his glasses with his thumb and forefinger before looking tiredly at Neil, who was still smiling but seemed just as tired as Andrew was feeling. “I just need your relevant medical information, like allergies, any possible diseases and such, and then we’re done. Send them to my email as soon as possible, ok?” Neil nodded and Andrew continued as he started to reunite his papers while Neil did the same. “By Wednesday I’ll have sent you a description of what I shall plan for our scene on Saturday so you can approve it and have an input, so please answer as soon as you get it because I’ll need the time.”

“Ok, when will we sign it?” Neil had his papers reunited and his hands folded on top of the pile.

“We might meet in here for half an hour before our scene so you can look at the final contract and then we can sign it. I’ll send you a copy by email too, if you want it,” Andrew stood up, and his knees snapped lightly with the movement after being sat for so many hours.

“Ouch,” Neil stood as well, grabbing his papers, and smiling. Always smiling. He hasn’t stopped smiling for the last ten minutes. “Such an old man you are.”

“Shut it,” Andrew rolled his eyes but let the corner of his lips quirk up when he grabbed his own pile of papers. 

“Alright.”

They walked through the now empty coffee shop and outside to the summer night breeze, Neil in his three-piece suit and Andrew in a black v-neck t-shirt and jeans, the both of them looking like an unprecedented pair.

“Where is your car?” Andrew asked Neil, who had grabbed his phone and was now typing on it.

“Around the corner, apparently,” Neil looked up and smirked. “Should I call it or can I have a good night kiss?”

A kiss right now seemed a pretty fucking good idea. Andrew had been wanting to kiss Neil for hours. But, before diving in, he looked around them to see if there was anyone known around, which was when he realized there was an alley just beside the coffee shop. It was perfect. Andrew began walking there and Neil followed without asking. They turned the corner and the non-existent light in there was even better, so as soon as they walked out of the reach of the street lights, Andrew turned around quickly and pressed Neil’s back on the wall with a quiet thud. In a beat, Andrew closed the space between their bodies, gluing his chest to Neil’s, fitting one of his legs in the middle of Neil’s. They were close enough that Andrew could feel the rich woody tones of Neil’s cologne and he wanted to drown in it.

“Where can I touch?” Neil gasped, his breath on Andrew’s face.

“Shoulders and hair,” Andrew mumbled, and with his grip firm on Neil’s waist, he closed the distance.

Their kiss was furious. It was clear both of them had been wanting to do it for the last hours, and they put everything they got onto it. They moved, groped, moaned, licked, bit, danced onto each other. They were a tsunami finally finding a city to drown to shatters. They were finding trust and connection every time their lips found each other again and again, their tongues caressing and discovering new ways to drown them further. It was fucking brilliant and if Andrew didn’t want to end up having sex in an alley, he should really stop it right now.

But he found that he couldn’t. Rather, Neil might have felt the same thing, because suddenly, their kiss changed its pace. It became slower, a caress. It was Andrew’s thumb circling one of Neil’s hips and the other caressing Neil’s jaw. It was Neil sighing every time Andrew bit his lower lip in a dragged motion that must have stung but it turned out it had managed to only melt Neil further against the wall. It was Neil’s fingers massaging Andrew’s scalp and his neck. And eventually, it became foreheads touching in the middle of an alley, mouths dragging lazily on top of each other, and their slow, steady breaths the only thing that could be heard.

“Good night, Neil,” Andrew whispered in the tiny bit of space between them, as their lips parted.

“Good night, Andrew,” Neil whispered back. 

And even with his eyes still closed, Andrew knew Neil was smiling.

~

“U’kie Dwew!” 

A ball of energy hugged his legs like a koala as soon as he opened the door of Aaron’s house.

“Hello, little monster,” Andrew grabbed his nephew and godson through his armpits, bringing the little monster to his eye level. Brown eyes just like his and Aaron greeted him with happiness.

“Hullo!” Connor clapped his tiny hands and started to babble toddler non-sense as Andrew carried him on his hip through the hall, closing the door with his feet.

“Yeah? Oh, that’s amazing,” Andrew was replying as Connor laughed and clapped more hands to his uncle’s agreement to his still not understandable vocabulary.

They went straight to the kitchen, where Andrew could hear quite clearly Bee’s voice and his daughter’s.

“Nana, but why do cookies need this much butter? They’ll melt!”

“Trust me, Lia, they won’t.”

“But, Nana. It’s  _ impossible. _ ”

“You should trust Nana Bee, sunflower,” Andrew said as he walked through the door to see his daughter sitting on a bench beside Bee, who was standing and battering her famous cookie dough.

“Daddy!” Thalia screeched and jumped from the bench to run and hug his legs just like her cousin had done.

“Hello, baby girl,” Andrew cradled his free fingers through Thalia’s blonde curls. She looked up at him with excitement in her green eyes.

“Dad, Nana is teaching me how to make cookies so I can make them for us at home!”

“Oh yeah? But why are you arguing with her then?”

“It just doesn’t make sense!” She was pouting now and freeing herself from his legs so she could climb up the bench again and see the dough that Bee was still mixing.

“Hello, dear,” Bee smiled without stopping her movements. “Aaron and Kate are taking a shower upstairs, Erik and Nicky won’t come because they had trouble with the piping they need to fix this evening, and Casey is stuck at work again, unfortunately. Dinner is ready though. We’re just waiting for them and we’re making cookies while we do it.”

“I learned how to break an egg, dad!” Thalia smiled proudly at that from her seat.

“That’s amazing, baby,” Andrew said but it came out weird because Connor now had both of his hands pinching Andrew’s cheek while he laughed as if seeing his uncle with weird faces was the most fun thing ever.

“It was amazing!” Bee nodded in agreement and transformed her face to a more serious expression. “You’re already a big girl. Almost a teenager.”

“That’s right. I am,” Thalia was smiling proudly and puffing her chest. 

“And how was your night?” Andrew asked as he sat down on a bench on the other side of the island of the kitchen, which Bee and Thalia were using to make cookies, and put Coonor on his lap, bouncing his leg up and down and making the toddler squeal with glee as he moved with it. 

“It was fine,” Thalia answered while trying to stick her finger on the dough, but Bee batted it away. She was pouting now but didn’t seem too off put by that since she turned to face Andrew with a small smile. “Slept in Connor’s, as usual, and auntie Kate made Mickey pancakes with strawberries in the morning, so it was pretty good. We should learn to do those too, dad.”

“I agree, ask her for the recipe and we’ll try it.”

She nodded and then Katelyn and Aaron walked into the kitchen, both looking fresh and ready to eat.

“Hi, brother-in-law,” Kate smiled and grabbed her son from his lap by the armpits, putting him on her hip.

“Hi, Katelyn,” Andrew nodded at her and let himself give her a little smile, that was kind of rare even if he liked her, which he didn’t at first, but now he did. She was crucial in helping him understand how to raise a girl and he respected her a lot. She made his brother happy, gave him his nephew, and was pretty good at making pancakes. She ticked all the boxes as far he is concerned.

“Oh, you’re happy tonight,” she was beaming now and then turned. “Darling, your brother is happy.”

Andrew turned to see Aaron trying to stick his finger on Bee’s dough, just like Thalia was moments ago. His brother turned his head up after Bee batted his hand away and smiled at Andrew, settling himself beside Thalia.

“I see that,” Aaron arched an eyebrow. “What got you in that mood?”

“Nothing. Just want to eat these cookies, I missed them last week,” Andrew quickly turned to Bee in hopes of a distraction, and with a smile and a knowing look, she provided it.

“Sure thing, honey. Now, Aaron and Kate, I know this is your home, but you could start putting food on the table as I and Thalia finish the cookies and put them in the oven?”

“Sure, Nana Bee,” Kate smiled and put Connor again on Andrew’s lap before she turned to grab plates and cutlery while Aaron grabbed the food.

“Hullo, u’kie!” Connor clapped his tiny hands again while looking expectantly.

“Hello, Connor. You look so much bigger now than when I last saw you! When was that?” Andrew put on theatrics by keeping his mouth open and his eyes wide just to see the smile Connor always gave him at that. He had always done that for Thalia too.

“Ast Ik!” Conner babbled, which probably meant ‘last week’. His head was inclined and his face looked proud to be having a conversation with his uncle while only two years old. That was what Andrew imagined anyway. He didn’t know how two-year-old people thought.

“Oh, that’s right! Last week. But still, you look bigger now. You’re a big boy now.”

“M’ Bi. Oy!” Conner clapped his hands again and laughed, his little teeth showing and his brown curls, just like Katelyn’s, bouncing with it.

“Dad!” Thalia’s voice made him look up to see a tray of perfectly shaped cookie dough being shown to him. Thalia’s smile was proud and so was Bee’s. “I cut them!”

“Congratulations, sunflower,” Andrew smiled proudly at her, bouncing his leg up and down again to keep Connor entertained. It always worked.

“Thank you, daddy,” she nodded then handed the tray to Bee, who grabbed it and turned to put it in the oven. 

Thalia hopped off of the bench she was on and run off the kitchen while screeching “Need some help there, uncle?”

Andrew couldn’t help but chuckle at his little girl. She was adorable.

As he turned back, he saw Bee. She had her hip resting on the island now and looking at him with understanding and fondness. He knew what she wanted to know, so he told her.

“I did it, Bee. And, no, I don’t regret it.”

“That’s good to know,” Bee smiled. “Let’s eat then.”

She turned around and walked out of the kitchen, so he stood up with Connor, putting him on his hip instantly to the same and walk to the dining room. However, Connor smiled and grabbed his face.

“Appy u’kie.”

Andrew couldn’t help but smile back as he remembered whispering good nights in an alley on the night before.

“Yeah, Connor. Maybe I am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What are your thoughts about this one? What do you guys think about Connor? Isn't he sweet? I just... Love these kids.
> 
> Ok, to the announcements:  
> First, due to my lack of time bc of college, I'm extending the period in which I'll post, which will now be EVERY TWO WEEKS, always on FRIDAY. So, the next update will be on NOVEMBER 6TH! If you guys want to stay tuned for that, follow me on my Twitter @jostenart, or just subscribe to this fic, if you're not already, to receive AO3's notification on your email!
> 
> Second, DID YOU GUYS NOTICE WE HAVE A CHAPTER NUMBER??? WE DO!!!!!! It might change in the future, but this is it for now... For part 1. Because, 
> 
> Third, THIS IS A SERIES!!! Yey!!! So, this will dEFINITELY have a part 2. I projected this fic to be a series since the beginning, but I just felt like sharing this with you guys now, so there you have it!
> 
> And that's it! Thank you so much for reading this!!!! Comments are VERY much appreciated! <3


	9. i'm not nice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pain and fire long burn as long as he wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE, READ THIS NOTES BEFORE YOU READ THIS CHAPTER. 
> 
> READ IT.
> 
> DON'T SKIP THIS.
> 
> I'll try to be brief, because this chapter needs major notes before you dive in. 
> 
> Hello, hi, how are you?  
> First of all, sorry for the delay again. I know it's not Friday, but I really wanted to give you this chapter before college swallowed me open. So, this is when I managed to give this to you. Three days later, but hey, who's counting, right?  
> Second of all, this chapter was a fucking bitch to write and soon you'll realize why. So, a major thank you and love vibes to my beta reader, who struggled with me through the ugliness and helped me to get this out.  
> Third of all, next update date will be on the end notes.
> 
> DO NOT SKIP THE TRIGGER WARNINGS.
> 
> THIS CHAPTER IS A TRIGGER WARNING ON ITSELF. PLEASE, read them and if you're not feeling up to reading such heavy material, there will be a description of the scenes on the end notes so you can know what happened without the explicit details and also have more warnings. Also, I'll be marking the scenes and/or descriptions with more explicit gore with three *. There will be *** by the beginning and the end of the more explicit parts.
> 
> So, T.W's: EXPLICIT TORTURE; VERY EXPLICIT; fire use, cremation, gasoline use, multiple knife cuts, forced beg for mercy, hard spanking (nonconsensual), mentions of whipping, mentions of non-consensual drug use, mentions of a hot iron on the skin; MURDER; mentioned head trauma caused by spanking; behavioral psychological dissociation according to situations or places, identity disorder; mentions of a past rape; mentions of past abuse; mentions of plans for future abuse, gore; EXPLICIT VIOLENCE; unjustified violence.
> 
> Check the endnotes before reading for the last T.W's.

***

The laughter spilling from Nathaniel’s lips was echoing on the walls. 

No one breathed. No one moved. There were only cold giggles slipping out of the mouth of the much colder man.

There was no warmth in the blood tainted room.

Jonathan, bounded and bleeding on the chair, stopped squirming too.

“Oh, this is fun. Right?” Nathaniel turns to Jean, who keeps silent and has a blank expression on his face. Nathaniel gathers that that was an agreement. “So much fun. Johnny agrees with me as well, don’t you?” He turns back to his little pawn with a wide smile.

The man nodded behind his bloodied face. He had learned in the last hour to agree with Nathaniel and to answer his questions, even if he was still putting on some kind of resistance in the last part. But it didn’t matter much since Nathaniel knew Johnny would break soon enough, and then they would finally make the little pawn march. 

Nathaniel had been quite tired of letting his dear friend Jean do all the work. He had been doing it in that boring way, with drugs and gentle words, which was taking too long with Johnny's resolve to make everything more difficult. So Nathaniel decided to do it his way. The fun way. The faster path. And, even if before it would’ve been a little reckless to reveal his identity to this man, now he just didn’t care anymore. Johnny wasn't about to leave anytime soon, after all.

Nathaniel’s razor glistened with blood under the LED lights of the basement.

“Since we’re having so much fun, Johnny,” Nathaniel chuckled, raising his blade and enjoying the sight of the man flinching. “I think I’m going to extend it for a while. Just to make sure your tongue is nice and loose, you know? I want to take out all the secrets hidden inside that pretty little mouth of yours.”

Inclining his head, Nathaniel walked around the bounded man and grabbed a handful of his hair before tugging it forcefully, inclining Jonathan’s head backward. 

“Smile, smile, Johnny,” Nathaniel beamed and brought the sharp tip of his blade down, towards the corner of Jonathan’s lips.

“Wait! Wait! I will tell you everything!” Jonathan screamed just as Nathaniel was about to start cutting his face.

“Oh, now the pawn wants to speak?” Nathaniel inclined his head and pouted. “But I was about to have the biggest fun of all. Besides, you made me wait such a long time till you dignified us with the will to answer. I guess I deserve a lil’ reward for that.”

Nathaniel released the man’s hair and made his way to be back in front of him. He inclined his head and considered the shaking man before him, analyzing a good and nice place to cut.

“Jean, my love,” Nathaniel turned to his best friend with a beam. Jean’s face was impassive as he looked at Nathaniel from his place on the chair near the door. “He is right or left-handed?”

“Left, Sir.”

“Perfect!” Nathaniel chuckled and turned back to his little pawn, who looked downright afraid now.

“W-wait! S-sir, p-please. Don’t d-do it. P-please,” Jonathan begged as he moved and made his cut torso spill even more blood from his wounds. He started to hiss in pain but didn’t stop begging.

“Oh, no, Johnny, you got it all wrong,” Nathaniel’s face showed perplexity, he raised his hands in mock surrender, the blood on them dripping quietly on the tiled floor. “I won’t cuff off your hand.” Johnny visibly relaxed and Nathaniel smiled. “Only a few fingers to add to my collection.”

“W-wait. S-sir. P-please.  _ AAArgh! _ ” Jonathan yelled as Nathaniel walked through the last step that separated them, took his hand, and brought down his diamond razor to cut his pawn’s forefinger.

The man whimpered in pain as his lost member fell to the floor. Nathaniel laughed as he bent down to grab it.

“Oh, such a beautiful forefinger,” He chuckled as he turned it this way and that, not minding the blood coming out of it, soiling even further his white button-down. He was warm with the blood already covering it. “Now, maybe you’ll not use it to type shit on the internet.”

Nathaniel turned to Johnny with a grin, whose face seemed even dirtier now that he was crying. Loudly.

“Oh, Johnny. Don’t cry, honey,” Nathaniel chuckled, and passed his own bloodied thumb under Jonathan’s eyes, collecting the man’s tears as he hiccuped with the pain, the paths of blood coloring his little pawn’s face getting even messier with the water. “As I’m seeing you’re severely distressed, I won’t cut any more of them, ok? I’m nice, see? Besides, I still need you being able to speak, right? So, speak to me, dear Johnny. Tell me how your Alpha still has access to the internet to send me that  _ shitting fucking shit  _ even if he is in that asylum when neither of my men could find any trace of it. Tell me all about it.”

Nathaniel snapped his fingers and soon a chair was put just beside where he was standing by Thea, who merely nodded and went back to her position guarding the door.

He sat down and put one of his ankles above his other leg’s knee. He swirled the blade on his hand as he waited for Jonathan to put himself together again despite the pain.

“H-he,” Johnny whimpered. “He had others. He had one he called Ron. Ron was his second, I guess. He had one he called Snape, but he said we couldn’t count on them anymore. But I-I told you before, I d-don’t know much more than this.”

Well, Snape was clearly Lola, wasn’t she? That fucking traitor.

“It doesn’t matter if you think it’s useless. Give everything to me, Johnny,” Nathaniel prompted with a grin and he inclined himself forward, in Jonathan's direction, in eagerness. Anything could help him take that bastard down for good. Anything.

“O-ok,” The man nodded and his face was pure pain. Still, he managed to get through it. “Alpha only told me that he could only talk to me on Wednesday’s from 3 p.m to 5. I don’t know why or how that is relevant, but that’s the only thing I know other than what I’ve already told you. We talked on the forum about Harry Potter and other shit, but other than the work he had wanted me to do, I don’t know anything else. I don’t know his plan or shit. He just paid me to get the message across the server, and told me that if I couldn’t contact him I should get to Ron or Snape, and then he gave me their emails.”

Oh, that was fucking interesting.

“Then why did you resist so much to tell Jean that? Or me?” Nathaniel inclined his head.

“Because,” Johnny whimpered and it seemed like he began crying again. Nathaniel smiled at that. Oh, this man was _ pathetic _ . “I want to get away from here and work for him again. He pays well, damnit. Now, I won’t be able to because I told you that.”

“Oh, my little pawn,” Nathaniel said in mock disappointment. “If you wanted a job, you could’ve just said so. I would gladly give you one, in fact, that was what I was thinking to do with you after a while, that’s why I kept you locked in here, you know? And while we had a really fun time together, did you really think he was worth it?”

Jonathan whimpered and didn’t answer.

Nathaniel stood up and the man before him immediately flinched. Nathaniel smiled.

“He called you Cedric, right?” He swirled the razor on his hand.

The man nodded.

“Oh, Cedric, Cedric,” Nathaniel was chuckling as he turned to the man, whose eyes widened in alarm at whatever he saw at Nathaniel’s face. “You know why your Alpha called you that?”

“N-no, Sir.”

“Oh, so well mannered. I like that,” Nathaniel leaned his body till he was face to face with the man and he was beaming. “You see, Cedric is the first character to die after Voldemort is reborn in the Harry Potter books. The first cadaver of a bloody war. Do you know what that means to you, Jhonny?”

“I’ll tell you,” He continued as he saw paralyzing fear to surge through Cedric’s eyes as he began to understand where that was going. “It means he had always intended you to be the first. And he always intended for me to do it, because to him, I’m the bad guy. I’m the villain. But I’m not, Johnny. And here is the difference between me and him, dear Cedric. My little pawn.”

Nathaniel smiled and brought up his razor, passing the length of it through Cedric’s bloodied cheek, enjoying the whimper of fear that slipped out of the man’s bitten lips.

“You know how to play chess, Cedric?”

Cedric’s breath caught in his throat in confusion and fear but he shook his head ever so lightly. He had a blade on his face, after all. Nathaniel giggled and continued to trace it through the man’s scared face.

“Oh, what a shame. That’s fine though. But you know about the pieces right? Everybody knows them. King, rook, bishop, queen, knight, and pawn.”

The man nodded. Nathaniel patted the man’s cheek proudly with the blade, making the man whimper with fear of the sharpness of the diamond razor on his face.

“I understand how a good game of chess is won, dear Cedric. Some foolish people may think that the main piece on the board is the Queen and that her rescue, keeping her close, is one of the best strategic moves to win it. Or even the King, overestimated that he is,” Nathaniel chuckled at the irony of his words. Or well, in the absence of irony at all. He continued to pass the length of the blade from one cheek to the other. Cedric wasn’t breathing. “But no, the most important pieces are not those. Those are the pawns. Like you,” Nathaniel beamed at the confusion in Cedric’s face. “Yeah. You see. To be able to checkmate, you need to know how to use your pawns. And the difference between me and your Alpha,” Nathaniel clicked his tongue playfully. “Is that I know how to use mine, Cedric.”

He opened a gash in the man’s cheek.

The scream he got in return was beautiful.

“And I will use you well, little pawn. I will use you to get to your Alpha, and I will strike him before he sees me coming,” Nathaniel opened another right beside it, but this one was less straight because the skin got a little slippery with the blood and the tears messing it. Still, that scream was just as good as the last. He inclined himself further and now his nose was almost touching Cedric’s. “Give me your passwords, Cedric. All of them. Give me access to your too well-protected computers, because I don’t have the time to wait for my team to crack it and risk damaging any information. Give them to me and I’ll heal you, give you a well-paid job in my I.T team. You’ll obviously have a target on the back at all times, but I’m sure you understand. I can’t afford traitors in my team. I have a zero-tolerance policy after a few misfortunes, you see, but it’s for a good cause. Besides the constant fear of me breathing down your neck, and discovering all your dirty secrets, I’m sure you will have a good life,” Nathaniel smiled and saw the man gulped in fear, the tears not stopping to spill from his brown eyes. At least he wasn’t sobbing.

“What do you say, Cedric? Will you give them to me?”

“I will,” was whispered in the inches between their faces.

“Great!” He stood up and turned around to walk his way to the sink on the back wall of the room. He opened it, put the diamond razor he was using on the counter, and started to wash his hands, the blood going down the drain along with the water. “We had a productive afternoon, don’t you think? It was great and I’m sure you’ll become an available asset to my team, Cedric. But be aware,” Nathaniel turned and grabbed a towel to dry his hands and walked so he was soon in front of his little pawn again, who was breathing heavily and still in tears. “I might need you again soon,” he completed with a smile.

Cedric swallowed — probably his own blood, still flowing freely from the gashes on his cheek — and nodded. 

“Amazing. I’ll send a person in here to clean out the mess we made playing together this afternoon, and someone to help you with your boo-boos. Now, give me your passwords dear, and tell me which one of the computers it is.”  
  
***

The man only nodded again and spoke all three of them with clarity. Nathaniel smiled at the answers he got, and turned around, making his way out of the room. Jean raised from his place, seated on the chair near the door, and followed him out, Thea doing the same immediately. Jack was at the hall, securing the basement to don’t let any employees make their way through the basement when Nathaniel was having his  _ private sessions _ .

As soon as they passed that door, his smile dropped.

He turned to Jean, who already had his hand on his smartphone, apparently writing the passwords down and prepared to write everything Nathaniel was about to say, if his elevated eyebrow meant something.

“Pass them immediately to Laurent,” Nathaniel began to order, his jaw clenched tight. He still couldn’t believe how the fuck they had achieved this situation. How Riko managed to do  _ that. _ “And send a new team with him to go to Jonathan’s house. I want all the information on my table by midnight, even though I don’t believe we will find anything relevant in it. Also, call Wymack and tell him to send his best cleansing team down here and send a message to Abby and get her to treat the man. Now, has Kevin arrived?”

“Yes,” Jean was typing but answered firmly.

“He has both of them?”

“Yes.”

“And uncle is on call, as well?”

“Yes.”

“Great, let’s go.”

“Uh,” Jean’s head snapped up and looked Nathaniel up and down. “Shouldn’t you get a shower before you cross the Manor all covered in blood?”

“We will take the access directly to my wing. I don’t have time for this shit. I need to discover what the fuck Riko is doing about Andrew and right the fucking now.”

Jean’s mouth tightened as if he was about to protest, but he merely nodded and they began to make their way across the basement halls, organized in a maze-like disposition, to the elevator on the farthest corner of it.

As they walked in and pressed the button up to his floor, Nathaniel sighed and took a deep breath to try to steady the  _ wrath _ inside him, to no avail. He was fucking furious, but at least he had managed to let some steam out since that morning, which allowed him to finally fucking breathe. He had felt like he had been suffocating before it, because at ten a.m of that stormy Friday morning, he had gotten  _ that _ message.

It had happened just like last time. Nathaniel was in his office when Jean sent a text telling him to come to the security ward immediately. He went, crossing paths with Kevin on the way there, and when they arrived, Jean showed them another message that Laurent was already working on to discover the IP address. Still, it was obvious who had sent it.

Mister Little Fucking Shiting Fuck. Also known as Riko Moriyama, the lunatic number one on the charts for the last thirty years — turning number two on the occasion of a Nathan Temper Tantrum Event, but always skipping right back to his  _ unprecedented  _ leadership.

But this time there wasn’t only a message on a ghost server of theirs, there were pictures attached to that ridiculous poetry. Pictures of Nathaniel and Andrew at Starbucks last Saturday. Andrew’s fingers on his chin, Andrew chuckling, Andrew’s mouth curling around the pen as they analyzed the contract between them. Andrew kissing him in that alley afterward. It was all laid bare for them to see, and then the meanings of Riko’s words became absurdly clear even if he didn’t fully understand some of the shit he wrote in it.

_ foxy and little bear at dusk. _

_ give them back and I’ll give you trust. _

_ your secrets will get behind us _

_ but if you rather deny enough  _

_ you will not be able to fight much _

_ ‘cause if past gets dragged up  _

_ who gets choked first? _

If Nathaniel didn’t do what Riko wanted him to do, he was going to hurt Andrew by dragging up the past Andrew fought so hard to overcome. And not only that, but what Nathaniel had most feared was confirmed: Lola had managed to get the information she gathered from her little traitorous stunt through her contact. She managed to deliver it to Riko. And now, Nathaniel’s life long plan was at stake, along with the security of his lover, which he had sworn to keep at all costs. And he would. He. Fucking. Would.

He couldn’t fucking wait for information anymore. And yet, there were still some things he needed to know and do before he did something about Riko, and that was mostly because he needed to ensure Andrew’s safety and his own plan’s survival. So, the question he was trying to discover was  _ how Riko fucking did it  _ since he couldn’t believe his uncle’s men were that incompetent since the reports he received twice a day for the whole week had said that Riko didn’t have access to the internet during all the time they were there. The fact that  _ this shit  _ had managed to get through them was beyond incompetency. But the most concerning of it all was not that Riko had managed to send the message or that he had somehow got someone to follow Nathaniel and take those pictures for him, because that had happened before Stuart’s men had positioned themselves, on Sunday. But, the fact that he received those photos, discovered who Andrew was, found out about his past, and now had a plan in motion to use as a base of blackmail to Nathaniel? That was concerning as fuck. So he would discover that, and stop Riko before it turned too late for him to properly do  _ something _ to Andrew and to his plan that would be irreversible.

Considering this, it turned out Riko had breathed wrong earlier than he had anticipated. But, he hasn’t made a smart move by dragging Andrew into this. Andrew, his affectionate Dom, the reason why Nathaniel had been fucking skipping as he walked through that week, the man who deserved the best of things in the world, was now at risk because of that piece of shit. And Riko made the biggest mistake of his life, because before that, when it had concerned only Nathaniel and his plans, he was considering giving him to Ichirou, so his brother could say his goodbyes and kill him within the family. But, no. Not anymore. Now Nathaniel would personally make sure Riko stopped fucking breathing. He would take off his fingers one by one, then his arms, and legs, and Nathaniel would make sure he—

“We’re here.”

Nathaniel snapped out of his thoughts when he realized he was already in front one of the meeting rooms on his personal wing of the Manor. And, well, now he was angry all over again, just from diving a little deeper into his thoughts on the walk to get there. Just from remembering it, the threat to Andrew, the way Riko actually thought he was entitled to something from him. It was fucking madness. It made him feel something beyond wrath. He felt death on his tongue and he wanted Riko to choke on it. He felt so much that he suddenly something shifted inside his mind that didn't usually move, not like this. 

Still, a lock was turned and it resounded in his head with a quiet click.

“Sure you don’t want to go take a shower?” Jean was beside him with an elevated eyebrow. 

“I am,” the Butcher answered with a slow smile. “Let them see me like this.”

Jean merely nodded and opened the door.

He walked inside slowly.

The Butcher locked eyes with Kevin immediately, who was pacing the room and stopped short at the sight of his bloodied form walking in, but his only reaction was a quiet scoff and a roll of his eyes before he turned to walk to his place by the right of the head of the table. Two other seats were filled along with the extension of the wood, a man and a woman in white clothing and blank faces that had an aristocratic tilt to it. Probably British. Definitely Stuart’s men.

A computer was put in front of his seat, and he could see the sound of ecstatics coming from the ongoing call. Apparently, Kevin had left everything ready and they were ready to begin.

Good.

The faces of Stuart’s men when he walked in was of shock. Not disgust, or fear, but mere shock. It was ok though. Those were Stuart’s men, after all, they were used to shit, and the Butcher had never expected them to fear him just by seeing him bloodied and enraged. No, he needed to do more for that. But, would he do it? Was that his goal here? To make them fear him or, rather, to make them pay for such incompetence that put at risk the life and the security of his lover?

“Glad to see everyone is here. Let’s begin,” he walked to his own place and sat down. 

Jean followed and sat on his left. Thea and Jack stood by the door.

“Uncle,” the Butcher inclined his head at the man on the other side of the screen of the laptop in front of him. His uncle was the same as he was last week, not looking a single day older. His salt and pepper hair neated with hair gel, his tailored Armani suit hugging his form as if he was thirty, not sixty, and his skincare was on point, as usual.

“Nephew,” Stuart Hatford nodded at the other side that looked like his office, as he was sitting at a white leather chair by a glass desk, that was certainly full of books, papers, and technological paraphernalia. The Butcher knew that office well enough to be able to picture it with clarity in his head. “You look… Dirty,” the man wrinkled his nose slightly at the image of the Butcher. It was probably too much for his British tailored senses to see a little blood on his nephew’s body.

“I was just cleaning up the mess your men made,” he smiled. “Do you know what happened?”

“Kevin put me on the top of everything,” Stuart nodded seriously.

“And what do you suggest I do about this incompetence?” the Butcher inclined his head, his tight smile dropping, just to become a fierce expression. 

No punishment was not an option.

“Sir, before deciding their punishments, I think a few questions are in order,” Jean interrupted with a considerate look on his face, which captured the Butcher’s attention.

“Oh, yeah,” the Butcher’s slow smile appeared again. “If you have enough information about our situation here, uncle, I will need those of your men to give me some more. Will they be cooperative?”

“For sure,” Stuart nodded seriously. 

“Ok, then,” he stood up slowly and walked to the first of the two other people in the room beside his own personnel.

The man and the woman sat side by side at Jean’s left. Their faces were blank again now, and their clothing looked like nursing ones, which probably meant that Kevin drove to Eastheaven, where they found out Riko was, and took them off of their duties immediately. It wasn’t a long drive as they discovered, and the nearness of it to the Manor was definitely noticed by them. Riko had somehow manipulated Ichirou for him to be able to do this. How, was a question that was still unanswered, but not for long if it depended on the Butcher. Now though, they had other problems in hand that were more… Urgent.

_ How the fuck did Riko discovered about Andrew and what would he do about it? _

The Butcher approached first the woman. He stood behind her and she didn’t turn to him, just kept looking straight ahead to one of the walls of the room. She looked tense, her shoulders and back straight like an arrow, but she had no fear whatsoever in her eyes and she looked ready for anything, her blondish hair tightened in a knot on her nape and her lips pursed.  
  
***  


“Why did your reports say that there was no sign of Riko having access to the internet when he clearly did?” the Butcher whispered behind her.

“Because he didn’t,” she answered firmly, the strong British accent tainting her words without the slightest bit of hesitation.

His hands were on her hair and pulled it forcefully, making her neck bend backward on the rest of the chair she was in with a tight grip. Now she was looking at him with wide eyes.

“Liar,” he whispered, his eyes deadly serious as a sharp smile appeared on his face. “I’ll ask again and now you’ll answer me truthfully. Why did your reports say that there was no sign of Riko having access to the internet when he clearly did?”

She paused at this and swallowed as the Butcher’s fingers tightened his grip on her hair, now dirtied from the blood on his fingers not entirely dried out, but she showed no other reaction than this to the pressure that must be really hurting her at that point.

“We didn’t manage to catch him using it,” she said carefully.

“Much better answer,” but his fingers tightened even further in her hair anyway. Now she seemed to be getting uncomfortable. She is tough. The Butcher could feel her hair snapping out of her skull. “And why is that? How could you have missed it if you’re an expert in surveillance, or at least that was what my uncle said you were?”

“Because,” the man by their side started, but the Butcher didn’t let him finish. In the blink of an eye, he released the woman’s hair, took the one step separating himself and from the man, turned him around forcefully on the chair with a grip on his collar, and punched him in the face twice. He grabbed him by the neck and pressured the windpipe on the man’s throat, making him blink with the lack of air and the pressure that was making his face glow red, which contrasted with the bleeding nose from the punches.

“I did not speak to you,” the Butcher whispered through gritted teeth and gave the man an innocent smile. “You only speak when I allow you to. Got it?”

The man nodded as much as he could with the pressure on his neck which the Butcher promptly released, leaving a bloody handprint on the throat of the man, to come back to his first subject with a smile on his face, and he could feel a little bit of the tension on his neck going away. Punching a bag was always fun.

“Now,” he stood behind the woman one more time, whose head now was straight again. He raised a finger, and with it, pressed it down on her forehead, making her neck bend backward once more, but with delicacy. The position certainly was just as uncomfortable as it was before, and surely he could’ve just turned her around for him to speak with her. But he didn’t. “Answer me.”

“We put cameras and microphones everywhere we could for the time, which is Riko’s room, bathroom and the common areas like the cafeteria, the recreational rooms, gym, etc,” she began carefully but with certainty, her eyes steady onto his. This woman had balls, he could admit. “We were planning on planting more this weekend in places we couldn’t reach unsuspiciously, like the doctor offices where he has appointments every day during the week, but we were intimated here before we could.”

“Why the weekend? Why didn’t you put them there right when you arrived?”

“Those doors remain locked,” she answered unshaken. “And there is too much security from the Moriyama’s on the building, but we realized that on that floor there were less, close to none, breaks between the guards, and we began to observe it from afar but we couldn’t do more than that if we didn’t want to be discovered. We needed to wait for a breach, which we did. We found out that the Moriyama guards take an hour break on Saturdays and that was when we were planning to invade those rooms to check them out, because if they’re that heavily guarded, there must’ve been something of value in there.”

“Certainly,” he could see her reasoning, and that didn’t make him happy. Not one bit. Actually, he was getting angrier by the second. “So, why did you put that there was nothing worthy of attention to the situation in the reports? Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

“We couldn’t. We didn’t have any proof yet and a heavily guarded corridor might have led to nothing. All of them are guarded, and this might’ve been more just because of Riko’s constant presence there. We were instructed to only report significant information,” her tone was insistent. Honest.

It made him sick.

The Butcher released her from the pressure of his finger on her forehead, a red mark of blood left on the flesh, and then he moved to stand in front of the other man, whose nose had swallowed to a bright purple on the moments since he punched the man’s face. The man gulped at the look of icy rage on the Butcher’s eyes. 

“Anything you might want to add?”

“Yes, sir,” the man nodded earnestly. At the Butcher’s gesture to go ahead, the man began to talk. “In all our interactions with the suspect he behaved as if drugged, so we checked his medications, and truthfully, he has been drugged out of his mind 24/7,” the man started quietly but his eyes were unwavering. The Butcher kept his gaze icy onto the man’s tan face. This was taking a turn he didn’t like one bit, and he was so frustrated that he wanted to grab the neck of this man and twist it till it popped, even if he wasn’t actually guilty of a thing. But that just made everything even worse. The man continued. “We were going to add that to today’s report, since we discovered this right before dawn, and we were going to relay the chemicals he’s been getting in there. Basically, he’s being drugged with a combination that makes his senses too overwhelming and he has manic reactions to it, so, because of that he is mostly left in isolation and doesn't leave his room besides to go to his therapy sessions and to the gym, so that explained to us unusual routine if compared to the other inmates. Also, no cellphones are allowed in the building, neither are computers, and that goes to staff too. The most probable thing is that someone might have sneaked in one of them before we arrived there and now secures the electronics in the building. We just know that it isn’t on the immediate reach of the suspect and that no electronics have found their way in when we were there. We kept close tabs to the entry of those every day.”

The Butcher hummed. The fact that these people had done nothing wrong and that somehow Riko had done something that the Butcher could have not seen, predicted, was too much. The fact that Riko, even drugged, had somehow gathered that he had to act soon before the Butcher had managed to put his hands on him, was too much. Because what those two were telling him meant exactly that. And it was  _ too fucking much. _ His vision was tunneled and he wanted to snap. He wanted to cut, to punch, to make someone  _ scream.  _ To make someone  _ pay. _

But he couldn’t. Not now.

And that was eating him inside like acid.

His gaze was far away as he pondered what the fuck would he do with all of this.

“Sir,” Kevin’s hesitant voice called.

The Butcher hummed for him to continue without looking at him.

“May I ask a question?”

“Yes, Kevin. You may.”

“So,” he could see, in the middle of his unfocused vision, as Kevin stood up from his chair and walked around the table till he was at his side, standing in front of the couple. “You said he goes to the doctor's offices during the week? He goes to more than one?”

“Yes, sir. He went to Dr. Kosh on Mondays and Tuesdays, Dr. Proust on Wednesdays, and Dr. Gill on Fridays,” the man replied.

“And on the weekends?”

“Wait—” Jean stood up and walked to his other side. Now, the three heads of the Wesninski empire stood before the two British. “Didn’t Jonathan say that Riko could only contact him on Wednesdays?”

“Oh,” the Butcher grinned and focused his eyes as the two British sat in front of him again. “Doctor Proust, right? For how long did Riko stay with this man?”

“For two hours, mostly. From 3 p.m to 5.”

“It matches,” Jean looked at him wide-eyed and the Butcher met his gaze with a sharp smile.

“It does. How long is it going to take for us to find out where the doctor is?”

“Give me an hour,” Kevin mumbled with his fingers already typing on the smartphone.

“I’ll prepare a squad to accompany us and to guard the perimeter, whatever it is,” Jean grabbed his phone and started to type immediately.

“Good,” he smiled and his temper softened a bit. Only a bit.

It was always nice to see that his people could read his needs well. He needed this information fast. He needed to keep his promise to Andrew. And he needed to fucking stop Riko, now.

Apparently, his temper hasn’t softened after all.

He punched the man in the face again, and if it was with more force than necessary, no one said a thing.

Besides his uncle. It looked like Kevin or Jean had turned the screen to them when the Butcher had made his way to interrogate the couple, so the man could see what was happening.

“Now, nephew,” Stuart’s voice came crackling from the laptop speakers. The Butcher turned to it with a manic smile, that made the man on the other side of the screen sigh. “Why did you need to do that? It was already established that they were not guilty whatsoever. They acted according to protocol. The suspect was quicker than we expected, that’s all, and they were doing their jobs.”

“Yeah,” the Butcher smile was unwavering, and without taking his eye from the screen, he raised his hand and patted the man’s face with more force than he should, which finally elated a groan of pain from the British man sitting down in front of him. “I know. That wasn’t necessary at all. He is just a nice looking punching bag. And I’m not going to hurt a woman without cause, you know. But a man I’m fine with hurting.”

“Right,” his uncle sighed again. “I’m sending someone to pick them up. Do you need anything else from me, nephew?”

“I do,” the Butcher answered, his face now serious. “I want more of your men in there. I need someone to keep tabs on Riko, more closely this time, until I deal with this shit. Probably this won’t last more than a week, but I need time, and I need to know everyone the bastard opens his mouth to, and if he speaks Japanese or any shit like that, put men that speak that language in there. I don’t want to lose any more information. Not until I talk to Ichirou and have my permission to kill the bastard.”

“Sure,” Stuart now was typing somewhere else outside of the screen, his gaze diverted from the Butcher’s. “I’ll see what I can do in such short notice. Probably I’ll only manage to put a squad in there by tomorrow morning and there will be people there at the Manor in thirty minutes to pick up my surveillance agents. That works?”

“Absolutely,” the Butcher smiled again. “For today, I and my people will take over East Heaven.”

“You’re lucky that you’re giving me so much already that I can’t refuse you when you ask me for shit like this,” Stuart muttered as he still typed.

“Yeah, yeah,” the Butcher rolled his eyes. “Bye, uncle, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye, nephew.”

The Butcher walked over to where the laptop was and closed it. He turned around to look at where Jean and Kevin were still typing on their smartphones, in front of the two British, who now looked more relaxed to the perspective of being picked up.

“Squad is getting ready to leave,” Jean started to talk without stopping to type. “If the doctor is in his house, wherever that maybe, shit gets easier. If not, we’ll have to wait till he is in there to act.”

“I’m on it,” Kevin was typing non-stop as well. “One of the people on the I.T team is already working on hacking the Eastheaven system to grab the doctor’s information.”

“Excellent,” the Butcher walked back until he was between his second and third in command and looked down at the man and the woman in front of them.

The man’s nose was truly broken by this point, and it had bled a lot, staining the white clothing he was wearing, but the man didn’t seem fazed by it, as he looked steadily to the Butcher’s shoulders, not meeting his eyes. The woman, however, with the bloody fingerprint on her forehead from where the Butcher had pressed his finger in, looked steady into his eyes, fear nowhere insight on her green irises.

“While we wait,” the Butcher smiled slowly. “How about we have some fun?”  
***

~

The fire was warming Nathaniel’s skin as he watched from afar the house crumbling down.

Nathaniel liked the fire. It had a beauty to it that it didn’t come from anything else. The oranges, reds, and sometimes blues, all mixing together with a force that was so intense that it transpassed tranquility. Quietness. No other sound but the crackling of burning wood and the intense satisfaction of seeing such a pure, immaculate thing like it being able to destroy and overpower such ugliness.

Nathaniel liked the fire. He liked the sound, the smell, and the utility of it. Fire and iron were his best friends in this line of work. The iron to carve out the details and the fire to sculpt them sharp, clean. The fire was his ally when he had power over it, and he felt akin to it, to its wilderness, to its almost untamable nature, that only wielded certain techniques. That only hand over control in a specific kind of way.

Nathaniel liked the fire. Sometimes, he had lost hours and hours just watching the flames of his fireplace, the shadows of their movements dancing around the room. He imagined touching it, and how it would close around his skin like a warm blanket of protection. How no one would be able to touch him if he could embrace the fire and hold it like an armor. Fire was protection.

Nathaniel liked the fire. The lights, the power, the way it set a somber and reverential mood every time it was ignited. Fire deserved to be reverenced. Fire needed to be treated respectfully, or it would turn against you. Fire was the goddess of boldness, of vengeance, of fresh starts.

Nathaniel liked the fire.

But as Nathaniel watched the house that Drake Spear had been for the last three nights turn to ashes, he loved it. He was overcome with such an affection for the thing that his chest felt tight. Too tight.  
  
***

Fire was what Nathaniel felt burning in his chest as he discovered what Riko had been up to. Fire was too tame to describe the rage that took his body and moved it till he had crushed Dr. Proust’s cranium with his own fist. Fire had consumed him and guided him till the safehouse Riko rented for  _ Drake  _ to stay until this night, the night in which he would invade Andrew’s house and… And. 

So, fire was what Nathaniel used to finally take Drake Spear out of this world. And he had made it hurt. For what he had done to Andrew in his childhood. For what he wanted to do, in front of Andrew’s little girl. For each scream, and each nightmare he surely provoked in the dark corners of his lover’s mind.

Fire.

Because Riko didn’t find out about the Snakes, and he wasn’t planning on making Andrew face his bad choices. He was crueler than that. He had managed to find — with his contacts on the Moriyama family that still didn’t hate him and his limited access to the internet — on the West Coast, where the Wesninski power didn’t reach, Andrew’s file on the foster system. He took off the grave a much older casquet than the one Nathaniel was fearing, because of course, Riko wouldn’t use Nathaniel’s own city gangs against him. He knew he couldn’t. Riko would use against him something he could not control: Andrew’s trauma. _Little bear._ A trauma he had not yet decided to share with Nathaniel, and now this choice had been stripped away from Andrew by a lunatic that didn’t know when to quit. Andrew didn’t have a choice in this, and that was fucking disturbing for a man that was made to be able to choose. To decide. To dominate.

And, maybe Nathaniel couldn’t turn his mind away from that information. And definitely, he couldn’t unknow the truth of Andrew’s horrible childhood. But he would give Andrew back his power to choose.

With fire.

The ceiling of the house came down with a loud crash and the flames went higher and higher on the midnight sky.

Nathaniel, or rather the Butcher, had taken hours. First, with Proust. He had carved out of Proust skin all his will to shut up. But with the fury that came with finding out the truth, things ended fairly quickly. After a quick job of discovering  — in the computer Proust had cloned onto his house and on Eastheaven, and deleting everything so Riko couldn’t access shit from his cloned version in the hospital  — where Drake Spear was, the squad moved and Wymack was called to come with his team to clean up and make it all look like a lovely accident. How, the Butcher and Nathaniel didn’t care and they didn’t need to worry at all since Wymack's team was damn good at their jobs. Not that they could worry about a thing other than blood and fire around them as well. And on second, the Butcher had also taken hours with Drake. This one, he didn’t rush. He boiled iron, he used a lit up whip. After, he cut off his dick. Then, he took off each nail. Then each finger. Then the hands and feet. And for the members being taken off, he didn’t use boiled iron. No, it would be too clean. He used the rustiest blades he had, the one that had already seen such violence, such dirtiness, that only those would fit to touch such impure skin, even after all the cleaning the Butcher had done, carving out most of the skin of Drake’s groin out of its place before cutting the member off entirely. It was still filthy, just like the man himself was. And the screams the Butcher had gotten out of it, certainly would never repay the ones this man had caused in Andrew, but he relished in them all the same.

Now, as he quietly watched the last wall coming down, the fire purifying and cleaning the grounds Drake had tainted with his filthiness, Nathaniel just felt tired. Hollow. All the rage disappeared at the moment he had dropped down the lighter on the path of alcohol he had made from the door of the house to the chair in the kitchen Drake was left bleeding out, long unconscious from the pain of being sliced open, and was replaced with this emptiness. 

So, he just kept looking at the flames.

***

“Neil,” Jean’s voice by his side whispered.

“What?” he whispered back. It just fit. There was just silence around them, the house being far away from civilization. Only the quiet steps of his team around him working to make sure the fire looked like a gas explosion of some sort would be listenable if the fire wasn’t loud on its own. As it was, only the crackling of the fire roared in their ears.

“We have to go,” Jean was still and a couple of feet away from him, his back on the same car as Nathaniel himself was leaning to.

Nathaniel couldn’t judge him for wanting to stay away. It was rare when the Butcher came to play, but when he did, it was somehow terrifying, and now Nathaniel was filthy with blood and other body fluids. He looked worse than Carrie.

“Where, Jean? Where do we go?” Nathaniel asked quietly.

“Home, Neil. We go home.”

And then, Nathaniel blinked as realization downed him.

“Let’s go, then.”

He turned around, opened the door of the car, and without worrying about the filthiness of his body, he sat on the leather seat. Jean came in right after, installing himself by his side. Kevin wasn’t present, as he had left and went to take care of the Eastheaven end of their mission today along with Mary. So, after both of them went in, Jack and Thea opened their doors, and with Thea driving, they began their way to the Manor.

The ride back was just as fast as the one they took to get there. In what felt like only a couple of minutes, they were already on the dirt road that led to the gates of the Manor and taking the maze-like paths that would get them to the Residence, even if it had probably taken something close to an hour to get there. Thankfully, no one was at the grounds working as it was past 2 a.m, and only the security personnel was watching, but from afar enough that they wouldn’t be able to make out that the dirt that covered Nathaniel’s body was blood. Thea and Jack weren’t a problem, those two had seen probably worse.

They made their way inside the Manor and Jean quietly bid his goodnight. Thea and Jack accompanied Nathaniel to his wing, where he had dismissed them to sleep.

Nathaniel walked straight to the shower, and he stood there for a long, long time. He washed out all the blood and he had somehow already got used to the sensation of having it on his skin even after he had cleaned it all, so he didn’t linger. With forceful swipes, he took the blood of his hair, under his nails, between his toes, under the creak of his knee, behind his ears. Everywhere.

After, he walked out, dried himself in a fluffy white towel, and became mildly satisfied when he realized none of the blood transferred to the towel, which meant he was clean. At least, physically. 

So, he let the towel drop to the ground on his bathroom and made his way to the bedroom, and to his king-size four-poster bed. He sat down, his skin bare as he had come to this world, and looked out of the big windows, taking a deep breath as he regarded his grounds. A tiny part of his empire. Where he had been born, where he ate, where he was schooled. Where he had become who he was today.

And yet. As he revived the scenes of today on his head — such a fucking long day — he couldn’t help but think. Not feel. He wasn’t able to feel anything yet, but he could think, because even if tired to the bones, he wouldn’t be able to sleep. Not after all of that.

And he thought:  _ this isn’t my home. _

So, he laid down. He looked up to the ceiling and thought. About the people he loved. About the people he felt safe with. About the people he trusted. These people were his home. Even if he couldn’t feel it right now, he knew it was true.

He turned around and grabbed one of his phones from the bedside table. He hadn't had a phone in him since before everything happened, relying on Jean or Kevin to send a text or to make a call when necessary, but after Jean texted him that morning, he just had forgotten them all. And someone, probably Giullietta, had grabbed them from his office and put them in here for him to use when he got back. She probably had foreseen what he needed after all the shit that happened today, because of course Kevin had been in touch with her to make her suspend all Nathaniel’s appointments, and he really needed to remind himself to give her a salary raise.

As he scrolled down his list to see who he could call, he saw a name. A person that, despite the too early hour in the morning, was still up, online.

He hit the button without a second thought.

It ringed one, two, three times.

_ “Hello?” _

Nathaniel sighed in relief at the deep tone on the other end of the line. It already made him start to feel something again. And it was  _ good. _

“Hello, Andrew. Good morning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to let you guys know that I hate chapters like this just as much as you probably do.  
> This was necessary, though. Unfortunately. We needed to remind ourselves a bit about who we're dealing with.
> 
> LAST T.W's: peeling the skin, punches, slaps, amputation of members of the body.
> 
> Now, to the descriptions (SPOILERS):  
> Nathaniel is torturing Jonathan, the guy they captured in chapter 7. Jonathan has wounds all over, but he still doesn't talk. Nathaniel doesn't explain much what he wants to know to the reader. He attempts to cut through Jonathan's face, but then Jonathan says he'll talk. Nathaniel cuts off one of Jonathan's fingers because he took too long to be willing to speak. He says he doesn't know much, but that Riko had two people with him: someone called Snape and another called Ron, and that he would only be online at Wednesday's from 3 p.m to 5. Nathaniel says he will make use of Jonathan in the future. He gets out and along with Jean, Thea, and Jack, he goes to a meeting on his wing with his uncle. Riko had sent a message earlier that morning, a poem and a photo of Nathaniel and Andrew kissing outside of Starbucks. Nathaniel wants to know how Riko had access to the internet if his uncle's men had said Riko didn't have it. And how he managed it all under their nose. He greets his uncle through Skype and starts to interrogate the two agents his uncle had sent to Eastheaven. They have theories that there is a person that already has the computer and the internet in there, but they couldn't find out who yet. Nathaniel slaps and punches one of the agents in the face for his incompetency. They find out about Dr. Proust, the doctor Riko sees on Wednesday's from 3 p.m to 5. Kevin and Jean, who were at the meeting, gather the information, and start to work to discover where Dr. Proust lives. While they wait for that information, and for Nathaniel's uncle's men to arrive to recover their two agents, it's implied Nathaniel tortures them.  
> In the next scene, Nathaniel talks about the fire and what he discovered when he went for Dr. Proust. He discovered Riko had found out about Andrew's time at the foster system in California and about Drake Spear. He was planning to use Drake to attack Andrew and make Neil give "them" back to Riko. Drake was already in town and the attack had been planned for that same night. Neil killed Dr. Proust and went immediately to Drake. He discovered what Drake did to Andrew and tortures him for it. He kills him.  
> Afterward, he goes home and calls Andrew so he could feel something good. So he could feel at home.
> 
> Tell me what were your thoughts on this one. And if there are any mistakes, don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here all the time, and at Twitter by @sunabram and on Tumblr by @jostenrun.
> 
> The next update will be on November 22th! See you then <3


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